Hilarious Tank Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Tank Jokes

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 12377

When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank. Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 1248

Score: 484

Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

Score: 478

Shark Tank *on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

Score: 444

Two fish are in a tank Then one of them turns to the other and asks, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

Score: 393

Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. At one point, one of them turns to the other. Do you know how to drive this thing?

Score: 355

How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it.

Score: 342

Two soldiers are in a tank… …one turns to the other and says, "blubblublbublub".

Score: 292

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

Score: 217

What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta? A Ford Focus.

Score: 198

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this?"

Score: 166

Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.

Score: 145

Two fish in a tank.. ...one says "you drive, I'll man the guns".

Score: 136

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says How do you drive this thing

Score: 135

Two fishes are in a tank One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 119

My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"

Score: 108

Two fish are in a tank... Suddenly, one turns to the other and says:
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 106

Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

Score: 96

Two fish were in a tank... and one says "How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 84

Two fish sitting in a tank One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing

Score: 79

Here's an old German joke: What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? There's only one dirtbag in the vacuum cleaner.

Score: 77

Two soldiers are sitting in a tank One tells to the other: "GLUB GLUB BLUH GLUB GLUH BLUB"

The other drowns

Score: 73

Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes After all, we have a right to bare arms.

Score: 69

How do you stop an Armenian tank? You shoot the guys pushing it.

Score: 66

There are two fish in a tank One fish says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 65

Why do lots of Americans wear tank tops? Because they have the right to bare arms

Score: 65

Two fish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says,"You man the guns, I’ll drive".

Score: 58

Two fish in a tank, and one says to the other: "How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 56

Two fish are in a tank... One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.

Score: 55

There were two fish in a tank One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”

Score: 54

Who won the first Tour de france? The 7th German tank division

Score: 53

Two fish are in a tank One fish says to the other fish, "how do we drive this thing?"

Score: 45

Two goldfish are in their tank... One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Score: 38

How many gears does a french tank have? 6, 1 forward and 5 reverse.

Score: 35

Two goldfish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other and says: I'll drive. You man the gun.

Score: 33

Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 24

Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank He came back out with a $500,000 investment

(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)

Score: 23

Two fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other "You man the guns, i'll drive"

Score: 22

Upvotes are like a Russian tank turret. More protection, less depression.

Score: 22

New Tank Jokes

Two goldfish are in a tank, says the one to the other: I'll drive, you man the guns.

Score: 3

Yo mamma so old and hairy When she wears a tank top it looks like she has Don King in a headlock

Score: 1

What’s the similarity between a yoga instructor, a plant, and a tank? They all made it into the rosters of crossover fighting games.

Score: 2

One time Chuck Norris pee'd in the tank of a semi-truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Score: 5

My wife is my oxygen tank... ...always on my back.

Score: 8

What do gun owners and people who wear tank tops have in common? They both have the right to bare arms.

Score: 2

What do fish use in wars? A fish tank

Score: 5

Two fishes are in a tank, one says to the other: "How do we drive this thing?"

Score: 18

In WW2 Germany and Japan worked on a tank together They called it the Japanzer

Score: 1

How long does it take to drive from Marseilles to Paris? Approximately 21 Tank-Hours

Score: 1

Why was Thomas the Tank Engine bullied? Because he is trains gender.

Score: 2

Two fish were in a tank One turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 1

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium? Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

Score: 17

Two fish are put in a tank But, darn it, neither knows how to drive it.

Score: 13

Two goldfish are in a fish tank One goldfish keeps swimming while the other one says,

"Do you know how to drive this thing?".

Score: 3

How did Thomas the Tank become a faster steam engine? He trained.

Score: 8

Have you heard about the new French tank? It had fourteen motors. 13 go in reverse.

The last one goes forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind.

Score: 16

Thomas the Tank Engine is unsure of his sexuality. He now prefers to be called Trains-gender.

Score: 2

Two fish in a tank... Two fish in a tank. The first fish asks the second fish "Who's driving?"

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Two fish in a tank The first fish turns to the other and says "you drive, I'll shoot"

Score: 1

So there's two fish in a tank... And one says to the other "how do we drive this thing?"

Score: 21

I put all my fish in their new tank, but they don't seem to be liking it very much. Perhaps I should have added water.

Score: 4

Who won the first Tour de France? The 3rd German Tank Division.

Score: 11

I call my toilet the oval office.. It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.

Score: 18

How to cross intersection in a tank 1) Come to intersection

2) check if there is another tank coming

3) proceed thru intersection

Score: 2

John goes to the gas station John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.

Score: 11

How do you stop a Polish tank? Shoot the guys pushing it.

Score: 2

Two fish in a tank One fish looks over at the other and says "Can you drive this thing?"

Score: 11

Two fish are in a tank... ...And one fish says "you man the guns, I'l drive!"

(laugh track)

Suddenly, the fish points to the horizon and says "What is that over there?" The other fish then exclaims "That's anemone! I can sea him!"

Score: 8

Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and asks, " how do we drive this thing?"

Score: 4

Two soldiers are in a tank One looks at the other and says, “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB.”

Score: 4

I wear tank tops because of the Second Amendment. I sure do love my right to bare arms.

Score: 7

What will happen to a bar of brass if you drop it into a tank of water? It'll zinc.

Score: 2

What's a French tank driver's greatest fear? A one-way street

Score: 4

A man took his goldfish to the vet. "I think that my goldfish is epileptic!" said the man.

"He seems okay; he doesn't look epileptic." replied the vet.

"Well I haven't taken him out of the tank, yet!"

Score: 5

How many gears does an Italian tank have? Four, one to go forward and three for reverse.

Score: 3

How does Thomas the Tank Engine drink beer? He chugs it.

Score: 3

Two fish are in their tank. One looks at the other and says, " You man the gun. I'll drive."

Score: 3

I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques store today. "You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."

Score: 6

What's the opposite of a progressive? A French tank.

Score: 4

My father died today at work... he worked at the brewery and fell into a beer tank. All the co-workers rushed to help him and to get him out, but despite their best efforts my dad managed to fight them all back and then drowned.

Score: 6

Two goldfish are in a tank One turns to the other and says, "I'll man the guns, you drive."

Score: 3

Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”

Score: 4

A German tank commander boasted "One Tiger can take on ten Shermans!" And an American replied "Good thing we have eleven."

Score: 4

What do you call a tank rolling through the streets of poland? Ghetto Blaster

Score: 3

Why did the welder put on a scuba tank? Someone's got to fix this sub.

Score: 4

Two fish are in a tank One is driving, the other is shooting

Two soldiers are in a tank

They drown

Score: 3

What do you get when you put two Beta Fish in the same tank? One Alpha Fish.

Score: 3

A joke my Google pixel told me Two fish are in a tank and one says to another,"how do you drive this thing"

Score: 3

So there are 2 fish in a tank... And one says to the other: "Hey, how do you drive this thing??"

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Never Lose A Tank When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

Score: 1

Two fish are in a tank One of them says "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 9

2 Goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 10

Two fish were in a tank.. one turned back and said to another.."How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 1

How do choo choo train go down many mountain? It go "TOOT" then thomas Tank gives tug

Score: 1

Two fish were in a tank. One says, you man the main cannon, I'll drive.

Score: 1

Two goldfish are in their tank... ...when one looks at the other and says, "you man the guns, I'll drive."

Score: 1

Two fish were in a tank... ...one turns to another and says "any idea how to drive this thing?"

Score: 8

Two fish were in a tank... One says to the other: you shoot, I'll drive

Score: 19