Hilarious Tea Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Tea Jokes

My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

Score: 21887

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

Score: 12000

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!" Tom: [raises his mug] ok, get rid of my tea

Genie: poof

om: it didn't work

Score: 11817

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Score: 10245

My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

Score: 3071

Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea" Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug"

Score: 2200

Score: 1742

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

Score: 1688

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets? Tally Hoes

Score: 763

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming, I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

Score: 554

Why can communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Score: 380

There’s no way video games cause violence. If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.

Score: 358

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I'm serious! That Israeli how he does it!

Score: 272

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious, that Israeli what he does.

Score: 270

Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft.

Score: 201

Why does the homeless man only drink coffee? He had no proper tea..

Score: 174

Magician: I can make anything disappear Tom: *holding a cup* Do it to my tea!

Magician: *waves hand* Done!

om: *holding a cup* It didn't work

Score: 166

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey? Because all proper tea is theft.

Score: 158

I like my women like I like my tea. In a bag, underwater.

Score: 150

What did the Jewish man do when he wanted tea? Hebrew.

Score: 134

A vampire walks into a bar... and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

Score: 128

The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

Score: 127

What does Batman put in his tea? Just ice.

Score: 119

I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.

Score: 101

What's the most bitter tea in existence? Reality
*cries in the corner*

Score: 96

What is the most well behaved drink? Tea because the others are not tea

Score: 95

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Score: 86

What kind of tea can be hard to swallow? Reality.

Score: 83

The "EA" in TEA is silent. 











Because you need to pay to unlock it.

Score: 82

What's the hardest tea to swallow Reality

Score: 79

Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.

Score: 60

What does a british real estate agent care most about? His proper tea

Score: 53

What does the Jew do with his tea? Hebrews it.

Score: 49

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear, and she asks it.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:

"No, I'm stuffed."

Score: 38

Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night? They found him dead the next day in his teepee

Score: 38

Did you hear about the Native American who drank 1000 glasses of tea? He drown in his tea pee.

Score: 33

They say you can choke on a tea-spoon of water, so I thought I'd test it out... The water went down fine, but the spoon nearly killed me.

Score: 33

What's a philosopher's favourite type of tea? Certain *tea*

Score: 32

Did you hear about the Native American who tried to break the world's record for drinking tea? They found him dead in his Tee Pee.

Score: 25

Why doesn't sherlock holmes ever drink tea made in hospitals? He really hates more ER tea

Score: 25

New Tea Jokes

A co-worker of mine left their drink on my desk, again I sent them a message on Slack to come pick it up, but for some reason they refused. They just told me to drink it?

But, I won't.

That's just not my cup of tea.

Score: 20

Did you hear about the Native American who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tea pee

Score: 3

I like my women like i like my tea. Pale and weak.

Hilarious I know.

Score: 4

What might an English pimp do, after having tea & crumpets? Tally Hoes

Score: 11

Women are like tea... You always have to wait for it to get ready

Score: 4

My wife left me because I am too insecure No, wait she’s back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

Score: 16

My wife left me because I’m too insecure No wait, she’s back

She just went to make a cup of tea

Score: 20

I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once… …but it wasn't my cup of tea.

Score: 5

My wife left me for being too insecure No wait she's back

she was just getting some tea

Score: 8

I'm writing an erotic novel featuring tea and pastries. I'm calling it "Romancing the Scone."

Score: 4

What do you call tea that isn't very blatant? Subtle tea

Score: 4

What's an African's favourite type of tea? Poverty.

Score: 5

What's dry and hard when it goes in But wet and floppy when it comes out?

A Tea Bag!

Score: 2

I can't bring myself to steal someone else's drink. It's just not my cup of tea.

Score: 18

What kind of tea is painfully hard to swallow? Reality.

Score: 22

If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold? Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).

Score: 4

Why do Chinese people stir their tea clockwise while the Japanese stir it anticlockwise? To dissolve the sugar.

(Courtesy of my dad)

Score: 2

I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee... ...safe tea first, though.

Score: 13

The only constants in life are taxes, death, and... 99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea

Score: 4

What tea is the hardest to swallow? Reality.

Score: 5

What is Ice T's sister's name? Ness Tea

Score: 7

Today I Saw A Living Tea Cup. But it was missing an arm, so I asked "what happened to your arm?"

He reply with "I had to get surgery to remove it."

"Oh"

"So I guess your an amputea?"

Score: 3

What kind of tea did the American colonists like? Liberty

Score: 10

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty.

Score: 5

What's a tightrope walker's favourite beverage? Stabili-tea.

Score: 3

If you have four tea cups, then give away half, what are you left with? A joke that doesn't translate well to text.

Score: 6

What's a British man without his tea A briish man

Score: 5

I left my tea to brew for too long... ...it was a steep learning curve.

Score: 2

I don't like coffee... ...because it isn't my cup of tea. (A British)

Score: 3

What do you call tea and lemonade? It depends... Just tea and lemonade is called an Arnold Palmer. If you add vodka to it, then it's called John Daly. If you drink too many John Dalys and get pulled over, it's called a Tiger Woods.

Score: 2

Today morning, I spilled tea on my shirt It became a T-shirt

Score: 5

Why do old hippies drink Honest Tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Score: 22

How many days of the week start with t? It depends. If you are American it's two, but if you are British then pretty much every day of the week starts with tea.

Score: 2

How do Americans make tea? By throwing it in the harbour.

Score: 7

Two old dears were sat on a bench "it's windy today!"
"I think it's Thursday... "
" So am I. Let's go get a cup of tea."

Score: 3

What tea is the best tea? TNT.

Seriously, it's the bomb.

Score: 5

Patient vs Doctor Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Score: 14

What is an English teacher's favorite kind of tea? Punctuali-tea.

Score: 2

A man is sitting in a bar... and picks up a cup, taking a sip. All of a sudden, he spits it out, grimacing. The bartender, startled, asked what was wrong.

It's not my cup of tea

Score: 3

The Queen and Prince Charles The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

Score: 6

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint of blood.

The second asks for blood on the rocks.

The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

Score: 8

Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea? Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.

Score: 2

What's the hardest kind of tea to swallow? Reality.

Score: 3

The only way to loose weight from green tea is that You pick it from the mountains yourself

Score: 2

A mother in law knocks on the door, her son in law opens it.... MIL - hi Gabe, I'm here for a visit.

Gabe - cool. How long are you here for?

MIL - I don't know, as long as you want me to.

Gabe - you mean you won't even stay for a cup of tea?

Score: 7

How do you ask a dinosaur if he wants a warm beverage? Tea, Rex?

Score: 9

What is the favourite tea of japanese? Karatee

Score: 2

I knew an Indian who drank so much tea that he died in his tea pee

Score: 14

How Does Moses make Tea? HEBREW it!

Score: 4

Amsterdam, 26 October1942, about tea time. Mr Frank - "Shhhh Quiet everybody ... the Germans are coming".

Anne Frank - "I am too"

Score: 4

How did Moses make his tea. Hebrew it.
This is not a joke Israel.

Score: 18

Tea makes everything great,even meth. Cos without T,meth is just meh.

Score: 19

A very British joke: I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea

It was a steep learning curve

Score: 2

Three ISIS mothers having tea..... The first says: "My son Ahmed used to play here with the neighbor dog...

The next says: "My boy Abdul did too...I miss him.

The third says. "These kids just blow up way too fast"

Score: 2

Coffee... If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.

Score: 3

What should you wear when drinking tea? A tea-shirt.

Score: 2

What's a British student's favourite drink? M.I.Tea

Score: 3

Vampire was searching the garbage... ...and the man came and asked him...
M: what are you doing?
V: I am looking for used tampons...
M: why?
V: My wife is sick, I have to make her some tea!

Score: 2

What do you call a tea knight? A vigilan-tea

Score: 2

I went to the doctor because my eye hurt every time i drank tea. He told me to take the spoon out.

Score: 9