Tool Jokes

Why wasn't the hammer allowed to join the party of seven other tools? Cause he was tool eight.

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

What is Snoop Doggs favorite tool for woodworking? A chizzle.

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom? Because it's a toad's tool.

I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure So yeah, I got a big booty hoe

Knowledge is knowing that papers are best written with alcohol and edited with caffeine. Wisdom is realizing that this does not make a Jagerbomb a study tool

I was in a love triangle with my girlfriend and a tool. I told her she had to choose. Me or him. She chose the ladder.

3 rules of construction: 1. Always use the right tool for the job. 2. The right tool is always a hammer.

3. Every tool can be used as a hammer.

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights? Protractor

What did the little Mexican call his little tool that he uses to cut up his little pizza? Little caesars.

What's the pope's favorite power tool? A cathedrill

I like rock bands named after their lead singers Like Marilyn Manson, Alice Cooper, and Tool.

TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues It was called Unlicensed Carpentry

Guy in a bar called me a tool So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right

What’s the best tool in the Mexican Magician’s arsenal? His Magic Juan.

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool. There I was just minding my own business then BOSCH!

Why doesn't Popeye need lube? Because he has Olive Oyl..

Bonus:
What does Popeye do to keep his favourite tool from rusting?
He sticks it in Olive Oyl.

Why does the rabbi prefer windows to Mac? Because windows has a built-in snipping tool.

Jeremy Clarkson's 3 rules of car repair: 1. Always use the right tool for the job.

2. The right tool is always a hammer.

3. Every tool can be used as a hammer.

I could’ve sworn my dad said I could take any tool I wanted from the shed. But when I got there, he told me to take my pick.

Did i tell you that someone hit me over the head with a power tool the other day? Minding my own business, then next minute BOSCH.

Was hit over the head with a power tool yesterday. I was standing there, minding my own business, then 'Bosch'

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop... I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...

What's a jew's favourite program on Windows 10? The snipping tool.

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami concert I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors.

Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU. Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."

I met this kid named Dewalt What a tool.

Donald Trump is not the sharpest tool in the shed but... ..he is the biggest.

I don't waste my hate on people. I only hate objects. Good thing my ex is a tool

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend, guess he was right.

What tool do you use for a circumcision? Circumscissors

Who hosts the tool awards? Emcee Hammer

I've made a tool that will fix itself when it breaks... as long as it isn't broken of course.

My girlfriend was giving me my first pedicure I asked her if the tool she was using to rub my feet was called a pedofile.

What do you call a bottle that eats pliers, screwdrivers, and hammers? A tool eater bottle.

What's a musician's favorite power tool? A Bandsaw

Harley Davidson came out with a harvesting tool. They call it a motorsickle.

There’s not much video gamers and the Cartel have in common Except maybe a tool assisted speed-run

Describe your favourite farming tool with two adjectives... Sick-cool