Tourist Jokes

A German tourist comes to France ...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

An American tourist in Australia was in an accident. The next day he woke up in the hospital and asked, "Did you bring me here to die?"
The orderly said, "No, mate, we brought you here yesterday."

A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.

What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist

A German tourist goes to France. The French immigration officer asks him "Occupation"?

The German says "No, just visiting".

What do you call a beautiful women in England? A tourist

A German tourist in France. A German tourist arrives at a French airport.
Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?"
The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

What do you call a cute girl in Albania? A tourist.

What do you call the smartest person in the US? A tourist?

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

What do you call a beautiful woman in England? A tourist.

An American walks into an Irish pub An Irishman yells, "Oi, Yank! Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?"

"Err... I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly.

"Ahh, but which one don't you believe in?"

A german tourist arrived at Charles de Gaulle The immigration officer greets him, " Bonjour Monsieur, Welcome to paris, Name?"
"Wolfgang Schmidt."
"Occupation?"
"Nein, Tourism."

What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding? A tourist.

A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport. The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:

"Have you ever been sentenced?"

"Wait, is this still a requirement?"

What is an intelligent person in the US called? Tourist

A tourist in Amsterdam sees a prostitute in a window He taps on the glass and says "How much?"

"Two hundred and fifty euros," she responds.

"Wow! I never realized it was so expensive"

"Well of course it's expensive, it's shatter-proof!"

So I rang the tourist office and asked:- 'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.'

Old tourist joke German tourist arrives at a French airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The German replies: "No, no, just visiting."

Whats the difference between a South African tourist and a racist? About a week or so

Carry A Flashlight A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.

"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

What did the Spanish tourist say when he saw a prostitute after arriving in Pakistan? Lahore

Don't ask me! A tourist visiting Seattle is sick of rain and asks a boy - Does it ever stop raining here?
Boy - How do I know? I am only eight.

A tour guide is leading a group through a museum in London. “This mummy here is over 5,000 years old,” the guide told the group. “It’s possible that Moses saw it.”

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A tourist raises her hand and asks, “When was Moses ever in London?”

What's the difference between an American tourist in Mexico and a spanking? A spanking rattles the buns, and an American tourist in Mexico battles the runs

Why did the lost tourist cross the road? The chicken looked like he knew where he was going.

White house What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?
A tourist.

The following is a tourist's review of Tatooine: "I was way too hot, two stars."

What do you call a good looking woman in Germany? a tourist

How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car? Because all roads lead to Rome.

Did you hear about the tourist who got lost in China? I dunno man, he just got disoriented

A joke for Halloween A group of tourist is visiting the remnants of an ancient castle. One lady sais to their guide:

-I'm afraid. I think there might be ghosts here!

-Don't worry. I'm living here for 300 years but I've never seen any ghosts.

Have you heard about Missouri's new tourist campaign? "Missouri loves company."

What do you call a beautiful, intelligent woman in America? A tourist

What do you call a witty man in Canada? A tourist.

A tourist on the London Underground asked me how to get to Heathrow via Barking. So I pointed at a map and woofed...

Why is it called tourist season If we can't shoot at them

What do you call a tourist visiting the Eiffel Tower? PariSites.