Hilarious Vacation Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Vacation Jokes

Score: 733

When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.

Score: 461

My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly. We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.

Score: 336

A British man is visiting Australia for vacation. The passport lady at Australian customs asks him, "Have you been convicted of any crimes in the past?"

The Brit replies by asking, "Is it still a requirement?"

Score: 175

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation? He packs his trunk and leaves.

I should go back to studying now. K bye.

Score: 117

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up. I said "Brochure."

Score: 107

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.

Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "Gross!"

The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

Score: 99

Why did Pluto have such a terrible vacation? Because he didn’t planet well.

Score: 96

Why are there so many public mass shootings in America? Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

Score: 91

A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey?! Pack for vacation, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?"

He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 82

What do terrorists do on vacation? They go waterboarding.

Score: 40

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii... "You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

Score: 40

Where do bacteria like to vacation? Germany

Score: 39

I think my wife has a surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.

Score: 38

I went on vacation with my girlfriends family - her dad is really religious and said we could not sleep together Which is a shame cuz he's a really attractive man

Score: 33

Let's make it Aussie joke day. A man on vacation in Queensland suffers a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. On waking, he weakly asks the nurse, "Was I brought here to die?" The nurse replies, "No, they brought you in yesterday."

Score: 29

I can count the times I was on a vacation in Chernobyl on one hand This summer, it will be my 15th time going there

Score: 28

Where do sharks go on vacation? Finland

Score: 28

Every time I go on vacation my wife.. gets pregnant, so this year I am taking her with me.

Score: 27

What does Black Panther like to do on vacation? Wakanda beach.

Score: 25

What do nudists pack for vacation? Just the bare necessities.

Score: 24

How does earth and mars schedule a vacation They planet

Score: 22

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation? Pennsylvania

Score: 18

My parents spin a world globe and randomly point out their next vacation destination. That's how they drowned.

Score: 18

My girlfriend said she'll give up her virginity today if this gets 100 upvotes Please don't she's on vacation without me

Score: 17

My wife told me I ruined our vacation. How's that possible when we never even went on vacation? I lost all the money gambling.

Score: 16

I came back from vacation with a serious addiction ...to the hokey-pokey, but I turned myself around.

Score: 15

I took a vacation to a city in France. It was Nice.

Score: 15

What is Justin Timberlake's Favorite vacation spot in the Ukraine? Crimea River

Score: 13

How does a Pirate go on vacation? In his ARRRRRV.

Score: 13

A german stands in the passcontrol in an airport in Paris Passport officer: Occupation?

German: No, no, only vacation.

Score: 11

My teacher took my phone after he caught me and said I could reclaim it next class It was a long summer vacation

Score: 9

Hey man, where did Julie spend her vacation? Alaska.

- No thats okay, I'll ask her myself

Score: 8

What's gray, has big ears, and a trunk? A mouse on vacation.

Score: 7

Where did the pencil go on vacation? Pennsylvania.

Score: 6

Offensive Challenger Jokes What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

What did Christa McAuliffe say before it blew up? "What does this button do?"

Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation? All over Florida.

Score: 5

Two germans are on vacation France had closed the border at by Germany, so that couldn't get through. The germans enter through Belgium instead.

Score: 5

What's a German soldier's favorite vacation spot? A French retreat.

Score: 5

Where did the annoying prophet go on vacation? Budapest!

Score: 5

I recently took a vacation in Vietnam and it was just okay. It had its pros and congs.

Score: 4

New Vacation Jokes

Why was BLM celebrating Joe Bidens win? Because now they get a 4 year vacation

Score: 1

This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid. Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.

Score: 2

Because of covid i couldn't go on vacation So i went on staycation

Score: 0

I think now is the best time to take a vacation to Australia. All the deadly animals I was so worried about before are gone!

Score: 0

Businessmen enjoy their vacation at this one place Thailand

Score: 2

Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck

Score: 2

I’m taking a vacation to incest island. I heard that you should take the kids!

Score: 3

What’s the best place for a killer vacation? Dominican Republic

Score: 3

I’m not sure you should have gone to that concert during our vacation in Europe, you lost your hearing for the rest of the trip! Are you sure it was worth it? Deaf in Italy.

Score: 3

Where do physics teachers go on vacation Times square

Score: 2

Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo

Score: 2

Why didn't the mummy go on vacation? He was afraid he'd relax and unwind!

Score: 4

What's a bankers Favorite place to go on vacation? The Czech Republic

Score: 3

On vacation I got sad and started drinking 40's. You might say my tropical depression turned into a case of hurricanes.

Score: 3

What do you call dental work you get while on vacation on an indian reservation? Sioux-veneers

Score: 3

Just a final check before I head off for my vacation Passport? Check

Money? Check

Itinerary? Check

Luggage? Check

Hotel? Trivago

Score: 1

Two cows are in a field and one is going on a vacation. Which one is going? The one with the wee calf.

Score: 1

Why do Pakistanis celebrate July 4th? Because all the drone pilots are on vacation

Score: 3

Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado

Score: 4

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pennsylvania

Score: 1

Where do apples go on vacation? MinneAppleolis

Courtesy of my 8 yr old daughter.

Score: 3

The dress in the window A woman went shopping on vacation and asked the store clerk, "May I try on that dress in the window?" "Well," replied the clerk, "don't you think it would be better to use the dressing room?

Score: 3

My neighbor asked me to water his plants while he was on vacation... But I'm pretty sure they all died in that fire.

Score: 2

I went to Oklahoma for my vacation... It was OK

Score: 1

My 8 year old cousin asked me if I wanted to hear a joke Amanda: "I want to tell you a joke. Okay:
A snowman wants to go on vacation.
He wants to go to Chile because he thinks it will be chilly--BUT--he actually lands in a bowl of chilli.
Then he dies."

Score: 3

Where do mailmen go for vacation? Parcelona

Score: 3

The sticky note kept insisting to go on vacation with me. I put him on board.

Score: 2

Me and my friend Brutus were going to go on vacation... ...but he backstabbed me and went with someone else.
Happy Ides of March!

Score: 1

What is a Sikh man's favorite place to go on vacation? Singhapore

Score: 1

In a few weeks it'll be all over for me and relaxing! I'll be on vacation to India in December.

Score: 1

What's a Frenchmen's favorite vacation? A retreat.

Score: 3

When I was a kid, I went on vacation and forgot my glasses I don't remember much though.

It was all a blur.

Score: 3

Where was the male lion's favorite vacation spot? Maine

Score: 2

My girlfriend is not allowed to go on vacation. If she wants to travel she better pick up a basketball and start walking around the house!

Score: 1

What is gray, has a trunk, and big ears? A mouse going on vacation.

Score: 3