Valentines Jokes

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Funniest Valentines Jokes

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 8802

If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember... that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

Score: 2335

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 2045

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day. So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

Score: 1159
Funny Valentines Jokes
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Something on Valentines Day I just don't get... Laid.

Score: 155

My wife called me on Valentine's Day She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 107

It's still Valentines day for another hour.. Roses are red
Violets are blue
No, they are violet
FTFY

Score: 82

What did Barack Obama write inside his Valentines card? "I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"

Score: 77

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day. She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

Score: 71

(My only Valentines day related joke) If the Swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love? The Swallow.

Score: 42

I have a date for Valentines February the 14th

Score: 36

How do you kiss a girl on valentines day? You use tulips.

Score: 32

girl answer when boy ask about valentines Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?

Girl: Yes, February 14th.

Score: 30

Me and girlfriend don't usually do anything for valentines day, thought I'd surprise her so I booked a table for us, she was so excited when I told her Never realised she liked snooker so much.

Score: 22

I received a bunch of flowers for valentines day, with the heads cut off I think I was being stalked

Score: 19

If I worked in a restaurant.... on Valentines Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.

Score: 16

Just got 15 Valentines cards! It's left me completely breathless... The security guard in Clintons Cards gave me quite a chase

Score: 11

My wife asked me for a divorce on valentines I told her i wasnt willing to spend that much on her

Score: 10

Ill be spending this Valentines day like Han. Solo.

Score: 9

My girlfriend told me that on valentines day she wants to get treated like a princess So I got her assassinated in a French underpass.

Score: 9

This Valentines Day, I want to really surprise my wife. So I'm gonna introduce her to my girlfriend.

Score: 8

Palm Sunday For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday

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Happy Valentines! A little early I know, but l suffer from premature congratulation

Score: 6

For the valentines spirit Roses are red violets are blue I am pregnant but it is not from you

Score: 6

I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant.

Score: 6

I had a threesome planned for Valentines Day... There were a couple of no-shows, but I had a good time anyway.

Score: 5

I want to create a VR girl/boyfriend simulator for those alone on Valentines Day... I shall call it, E-Bae

Score: 5

what's the worst thing you could get your special someone on valentines day? a divorce

Score: 5

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day? To the Moooovies

Score: 4

This valentines day be sure not to buy flowers from any Monks. Because only you can prevent florist friars!

Score: 3

If guys in relationships celebrate Valentines's Day, what do single guys celebrate? Palm Sunday.

Score: 3

Someone with a girl friend should write this in their Valentines Day card I was going to buy you a car, but I knew you'd be disappointed if I didn't give you the D.

Score: 2

Nothing is too good for my girlfriend on Valentines day... I tried to get her nothing, but she was too good for that.

Score: 2

Tonight on Valentines Day, I'll be spending the night with my ex ..Box360.

Score: 2

Told my wife that I am taking her to "The Amazing Escape Room" for Valentines day.... ...I hope she likes The Best Western!

Score: 2

Are you upset about being alone on valentines day? just keep it mind..... Nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

Score: 2

Some people call today Valentines day.. I call today arm day...then again...same thing I guess.

Score: 2

Made a lot of friends on Valentines Day! All of them girls! Strangely the phone numbers don't exist or connect to comcast.

New friends are fun!

Score: 1

I know my Valentines day will be full of garbage... ...because I'll get dumped anyway.

Score: 1

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New Valentines Jokes

I got a date this Valentines Day That's the joke

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I saved a lot of money on Valentines Day I saved a lot of money on Valentines Day by switching to single.

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I finally found a date for Valentines day! I wish I could write this in another sub

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