Hilarious Watch Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Watch Jokes

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You can’t imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

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A lot of woman actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out.

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As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

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Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies? Orphans.

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A lot of women are turning into good drivers. So, if you're a good driver, watch out for turning women!

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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch

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Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows... But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

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What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.

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Fact: A lot of women turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out for women who are turning!

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If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?

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What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

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What did everyone do after the Super Bowl was over? Watch the second half.

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A banker, a worker and an immigrant An immigrant, a worker and a banker are sitting at the table with 10 cookies. The banker takes 9 and then tells the worker "watch out, the immigrant is going to steal your cookie".

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I'm so hungry I could eat my watch. But that would be time consuming

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Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie? Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

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What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order

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What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch...

But on the other hand, you have a watch.

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In my community we have a neighborhood watch, It's actually more like a clock tower.

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Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

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If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.

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I was thinking about spending $100 to watch the boxing match tonight... But why would I spend money to see Mayweather when I can just look outside?

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My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange. I declined because I have Stranger Things to watch.

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Lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.

^not ^^on ^^^my ^^^^watch.

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Why do Canadians always do it doggy-style? So they can both watch the hockey game.

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Why did KGB officers always travel in threes? One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.

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A propeller is actually just a big fan to keep the pilot cool... when it stops you can watch the pilot start sweating

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My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight.. When I went downstairs the debate was on.

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Why did Donald Trump watch the olympics? To see how high the mexicans pole vaulters can jump

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What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students? Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once

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What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooooooooooo!

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Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300. You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.

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Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it literally one minute later.

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Girl, are you Norton Antivirus? Because when you're running, I can't seem to do anything but watch.

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I lost my watch I lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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Don't let your kids watch symphonies on TV There's too much sax and violins.

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An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"

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If you watch 127 Hours backwards It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.

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Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they both can watch the hockey game.

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New Watch Jokes

This morning I entered a store... I noticed the clerk had a missing hand and a watch on it, that kept falling.

\-Why don't you wear it on the other hand?

\-And how am I supposed to put it on, smartass?



I've decided to mind my own business from now on.

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Lots of Asian women are turning into good drivers, So if you’re a good driver; watch out for asian women turning!

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What was the hardest thing for Louis CK when he had to leave his disrespectful kids home alone? Getting someone to watch his little jerks.

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Louis CK isn't all bad... He helped me change a flat tire and all I had to do was watch him jack it!

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If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

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What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dabi? The people in Dubai don’t watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dabi Doooooo!!

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I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked." I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

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A lot of women actually turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out

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Why do Astronauts go into space? Because some men just wanna watch the world turn.

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Why shouldn't you let your kids watch an orchestra? There's a lot of *sax and violins*.

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If you ever feel lonely. Just dim the lights and watch a couple of horror movies. After a while, you won’t feel like you’re alone anymore.

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UGH I was just forced to watch a stupid commercial about something called a Snuggie... I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.

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What was the redneck's last two words? Watch this.

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Most women are turning into good drivers.. So, watch out for turning women!!!

Note: Heard it somewhere.. Just sharing for a laugh.

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My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery

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Why does Trump watch the Olympics? To see how high the Mexican pole vaulters can go

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I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later, I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. Infuriated, I went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

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I should never have given my real email address to Rolex. Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

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I Said to this girl I like that I had two tickets for a movie She told me to watch it twice.

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How do you watch NASCAR without a TV? You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.

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I lost my watch at a party once. About an hour later I saw some guy standing on it while harassing a woman. Infuriated, I went over and punched him in the face. Nobody does that to a woman, not on my watch.

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Why do French tanks have rear-view mirrors? So they can watch the battle

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Who do Russians pirate so many movies? Because there's never anything to watch on Nyetflix.

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Three generations apart, watching a soccer game "Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

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Every time I see a street sign that says "Watch for Children" I can't help but wonder if that's a fair trade.

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I once lost my watch at a party I saw a guy step on it while sexually assualting a girl. I walked up to him and punched him the face. No one does that to a girl. Not on my watch.

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Why did the deaf man put a watch on his ear? Because he wanted to hear all the time.

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Today I donated a watch... Today I donated a watch and $500 dollars to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put back his knife in his pocket.

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It has been proven that more Americans watch television than any other appliance.

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Today I donated my watch, my phone and $500 to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

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Why do you never buy a woman a watch? Because there is a clock on the stove.

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A woman called her husband about what she had seen on the news. She says, "Watch out honey! There's a madman driving on the wrong side of the highway."
The husband replies, "One? There are hundreds of them!"

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Why don't you ever buy a woman a watch? Because there's a clock on the stove.

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Yo' mama so slow... ...it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes

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Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV? He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"

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"Hey Ryu can I watch your next fight?" SHORYUKEN!!

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NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars And then watch the funding skyrocket

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Lost my watch at a house party one time. Saw a guy steppin on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to him... ...punched him strait in the face. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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I watch a lot of videos about portable furniture. I like seeing how they unfold.

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Watch Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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In America, everything is opposite of Britain For example:

In Britain, people drive on the left

In America, they drive on the right

In Britain, you watch the TV

In America, the TV watches you

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As my late father always said... Buy a decent watch

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I wanted to watch the world Origami Championship on TV. But it was only on paper view

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My doctor told me today I need to watch what I'm drinking Now I drink in front of a mirror.

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I only drink in Bars which have a lot of mirrors Doctor has advised me to watch my drinking

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Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado? Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

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I don't watch the news anymore I just lie to my self and cut out the middle man.

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Women are turning into good drivers! So if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning!

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Donald Trump is about to watch an episode of his current favorite TV show... Orange is the New Black

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It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.

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What to watch on TV tonight A few days ago, I was watching George Michael videos. A couple of days ago, it was a Star Wars marathon. Tonight? The Apprentice.

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The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

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Lost my wristwatch at a party once. A guy stepped on it while sexually harassing a girl. I punched him straight in the chin, knocking him out. Nobody does that to a girl, not on my watch.

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Why do Canadians like doggy style so much? So they can both watch the hockey game!

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The lesbians next door asked me what I wanted for my birthday... I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them but I think they misunderstood me when I said:
"I wanna watch"

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Whats the worst thing about the new Assassin's Creed movie? You have to sign in to U-play to watch it.

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So the French army has recently installed rearview mirrors to their tanks. That way, they can watch the fighting!

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Justin Bieber is placed on a suicide watch. It's to make sure he goes through with it.

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What's the difference in a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch...

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My magical watch just told me you aren't wearing any panties. Oh, you are? Hmmmmm...must be an hour off...

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