Hilarious Wet Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Wet Jokes

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday. That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

Score: 18204

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife? They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

Score: 7103

Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle. Coconut.

Score: 4982

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Score: 2372

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 1784

Score: 1283

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle. A coconut.

Score: 1026

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement, Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

Score: 814

Mars: I'm wet... NASA: I'm coming!

Score: 716

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.

Score: 640

Today I learned that "Wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…

Score: 508

Mars and NASA Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

Score: 471

My girlfriend told me, "I need it! I'm so wet! Give it to me, now!" I told her she can scream all she wants, she's not getting my umbrella

Score: 440

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash. "Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

Edit: This is an actual quote from my dad 5 minutes ago.

Score: 306

My wife screamed, "Give it to me! I'm so f*cking wet! Give it to me now! But she can scream all she wants, I'm not giving her the umbrella

Score: 265

Why are hurricanes named with female names? Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

Score: 235

"Give it to me,"She begged. "I'm so wet! Give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

Score: 231

What do you call a wet baby owl? A moist owlette.

Score: 210

What do nearsighted gynecologists and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 187

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.

Score: 175

So today my wife was screaming “Give it to me, I’m so wet! give it to me!” She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.

Score: 167

What is hairy on the outside, wet and fleshy on the inside, begins with C and ends with T, and has both a U and a N in it? Coconut

Score: 160

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line. I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Score: 143

Two policemen . . . Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

Score: 136

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station... "I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

Score: 124

What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 107

Why do they name all hurricanes after women? Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

Score: 106

Mars: I’m wet. NASA: I’m coming over.

Score: 105

Women are like hurricane... ...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...

Score: 100

Why are women like a Hurricane? They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...

Score: 94

Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

Score: 71

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

Score: 71

Little Suzy wet herself in class one day.. The teacher asked "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She said "I did! but it ran out through my fingers!"

Score: 63

What does a healthy dog and a blind gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 52

What do near-sighted gynecologists and little puppies have in common? A wet nose

Score: 52

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Wet noses

Score: 51

Why are Hurricanes normally named after females? Because they arrive wet and wild then leave with your house and car.

Score: 48

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a new puppy have in common? A wet nose!

Score: 47

What does a nearsighted gynecologist and puppy have in common? A wet nose

Score: 43

I didn't win the wet t-shirt contest. Which is bullshit because I ate more t-shirts than anyone else.

Score: 43

New Wet Jokes

why is england so wet? because the monarchy have been reigning there for years

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What’s wet and likes to shake? An earthquake on a rainy day.

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Mars and NASA we’re having a conversation Mars: Come here

NASA: No way, you’re 33.9 million miles away

Mars: Guess what? I’m wet!

NASA: Stay put. We’ll be right over

Score: 3

What did my dad say when I wet the bed? Urine trouble.

Score: 7

What's it called when you sweat the bed? Wet nap.

Score: 3

What happens if you drip a green shoe in the red Sea? It gets wet.

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl today That brings the total number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1!

Score: 7

Found on a gardening store sign: We're so glad spring is here, we wet our plants.

Score: 4

What's common between a woman and a hurricane? When they come, they're wild and wet, and when they leave, they take the house and car with them.

Edit: Grammar

Score: 3

My friend got mad at me because I had a wet dream when I stayed at his house... it was a daydream.

Score: 4

Why was the sand wet? The seaweed.

Score: 7

Why was the student's report card wet? It was below C level

Score: 3

How does a dinosaur get out of a swimming pool? Wet.

Score: 8

Whats curved and hairy on the outside, wet and juicy on the inside, begins with a C, ends with a T, and has a U and an N in it? a coconut

Score: 13

What goes in dry and hard, but comes out wet and soft? Chewing gum.

Score: 10

Q: Why are most hurricanes named after women? Q: Why are most hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they come they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and your car.

Score: 5

Hurricanes Are Like Women When they come they're wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Score: 25

Women are like Hurricane Harvey When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your car and your house.

Score: 24

Heterosexual women are just like spaghetti.... They're straight, until they get wet.

Score: 11

My girlfriend has a water fetish... I just spilled a jug of water over her and now she's soaking wet.

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Why was the therapist wet? He therapist his pants!

Score: 5

Spaghetti is the term I believe... With women, their sexuality can be a mood thing, can't it?
Spaghetti is the term I believe.

**Straight until wet**

-----------------------
(This is one of Jimmy Carr's jokes but I laughed a lot so I thought I'd share it.)

Score: 7

What did the excited gardener do when spring finally came? He wet his plants.

Score: 23

I really hope Trump falls in some wet cement. That'll set a bad president

Score: 3

If you're a hydrophiliac... Does that mean water makes you wet?

Score: 5

What happens if u throw a purple hat in the black sea? It gets wet.

Score: 11

How come the sand was wet? Because the seaweed.

Score: 3

Chuck Norris Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Score: 3

How did the elephant come out of the water? Wet.

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To make it stand, I have to wet it; to make it wet, I have to suck it; to make it stiff, I have lick it; and to get it in, I have to push it... ... Threading a needle isn't easy

Score: 21

I got mad when I sat on the toilet and my seat was warm and wet. The man I sat on wasn't too happy either.

Score: 8

I had to thank my friend for finding my bank card resting in some wet grass. Credit where it's dew.

Score: 33

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea-weed.

*First joke my 4 year old son learnt

Score: 11

I'm a washing machine Because I make all the panties wet.

Score: 6

What do women and tornadoes have in common? First they are wet, then stormy and afterwards the house is gone.

Score: 6

What did the water vapor say when the cloud told it to make the grass wet? "Don't tell me what to dew."

Score: 6

What do boners and stains have in common? If you get it wet and rub it enough it'll go away.

Score: 10

If you ever get your phone wet, put it in a bag of rice It will attract an Asian, who will then fix it.

Score: 5

What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy? A wet nose.

Score: 22

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies "Ya right, mon, you in denial"

Score: 24

Maybe I'm too exciteable All it takes in indoor plumbing to get me all wet

Score: 4

How do you get an elephant out of the water? Wet.

Score: 4

Why was the gardener embarrassed? He wet his plants in front of everyone

Score: 26

Father: "Go outside and see if it's raining". Son: "Call the dog in and see if it's wet".

Score: 2

Why does it always seem to rain on Valentine's Day? So the boys are as wet as everyone else, come evening.

Score: 2

A police officer called the station on his radio "Uh... Sir, we got a interesting case in here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped"

"Have you arrested the women?"

"No... the floor's still wet"

Edit:Grammar

Score: 3

You throw a red rock into the blue ocean, what does it become? Wet. The rock becomes wet.

Score: 5

"Give it to me! Give it to me! I'm so wet!" She screamed. "No," I replied, "it's my umbrella."

Score: 9

Its best to put your phone on some rice when its wet Asian people will come at night and fix it

Score: 2

Why do weathermen name hurricanes after women? Because when they come they're wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

Score: 5

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose

Score: 11

LPT: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

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A thief tripped and fell into wet cement... He became a hardened criminal.

Score: 7

A police officer called the station on his radio... "I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

Score: 23

What does 100% humidity mean? Even dry farts feel like wet farts.

Score: 5

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle . Always wet but nothing to ride

Score: 3

What do you call a wet hebrew? Miljew.

Score: 2

What goes in long and hard and comes out soft and wet? A Stick of Gum...

Score: 2

Took the old girl for a ride last week So I reach over and slide my finger in her hole and it was wet. As my finger pushes into her hole it get wetter and wetter. I pull my finger out and she goes down on me. I guess I need to buy a new boat.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a pair of shoes and a ginger girl? You try your best to keep your shoes from getting wet when you go to town.

Score: 2