Hilarious What Did The Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest What Did The Jokes

What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."

Score: 15748

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!



*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*

Score: 9138

Score: 3636

What did the suicide bomber instructor say... I'm only going to show you this once.

Score: 3308

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? Mumbai!

Score: 2186

What did the boy with no arms get for his Birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet

Score: 2153

What did the burglar say when he detonated a bomb to get into Fort Knox? Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold!

Score: 1929

What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved.

(Sorry)

Score: 1756

What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him? Sorry, my fault.

Score: 1545

What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were? "Wow, lol"

Score: 1149

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday? I don't know he hasn't opened it yet.

Score: 1034

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow? Billy's Jeans

Score: 1022

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

Score: 1009

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!

Score: 978

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Score: 951

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

Score: 915

What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi

I'll let myself out now.

Score: 862

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift

Score: 855

What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum? Dyson.

Score: 797

What did the woman with dissociative identity disorder tell her psychologist? "Let me be Frank with you."

Score: 738

What did the robber say after detonating a bomb inside a bank? EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Score: 738

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked? “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

Score: 718

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job."

Score: 658

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves!!

just kidding....I don't know what he got....he hasn't opened it yet

Score: 642

What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink? I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW

Score: 556

What did the Boston Bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.

Score: 539

What did the retiring domintrix say to her replacement? "I'll show you the ropes."

(I just thought of this joke. I'm sure it's been made before, sorry.)

Score: 498

What did the burglar say after he broke into Fort Knox by exploding a bomb? Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold.

Score: 448

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

Score: 398

What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students? Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once

Score: 388

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Sorry, it's going to take me a while to get hard, I got laid last night."

Score: 382

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe damnit! BREATHE!!

Score: 361

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I'm a cashew

Score: 312

What did the handless boy get for Christmas? Gloves.

Just kidding, he's still trying to open his present.

Score: 241

What did the fat kid get for his Birthday? Bullied

Score: 231

What did the Arts Major say to the Business Major? "Can I take your order?"

Score: 224

What did the physicist say to the man who was about to jump off a building? "Don't do it! You have so much potential."

Score: 202

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell? Print("Hello World!")

Score: 166

What did the doctors use to keep 4 Romans alive? IVs

Score: 145

What did the man say to the thief stealing his cheese? Stop stealing my cheese

Score: 133

New What Did The Jokes

What did the nut say to the nut it was chasing? I'm a cashew

Score: 39

What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner? Seizure salad...

Score: 42

What did the pirate say when he turend 80? Aye Matey.

Score: 30

What did the octopus say when he found out his wife had 10 tentacles? You've got to be squidding me! (I spent a whole day making that up for my wife)

Score: 45

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey

(This is an old joke I saw. But haven’t seen it here in a while. So I figured some of you might get a small laugh out of this)

Score: 27

What did the judge put in his drink? Just ice

Score: 53

What did the egg say to the boiling water? Don't expect me to get hard in three minutes, I just got laid this morning!

Score: 33

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do? Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 92

What did the egg say before it got boiled? It's gonna take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid by a chick!

Score: 34

What did the son reply when his mother asked if he needed a drive to his yoga class? "Nah, ma, stay"

Score: 32

What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder? "No whey"

Score: 32

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

Score: 108

What did the astronauts conclude after they found bones on the moon? The cow didn't make it.

Score: 58

What did the cemetery worker say when he realized he buried a body in the wrong place? I've made a grave mistake.

Score: 76

What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?

Score: 32

What did the janitor say when he jumped out the closet? Supplies!

Score: 48

What did the french trademark lawyer say to her wife? Je™

Score: 129

What did the doctor say to the patient with a bladder infection? Urine Trouble

Score: 49

What did the Buddhist monk say when asked to leave his temple? 'Nah imma stay.'

Score: 72

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Give me 5 minutes to get hard - I just got laid.

Score: 30

What did the evil optician say? "You'll see. You'll ALL see! Muahahahahaha!"

Score: 64

What did the sunburnt manatee say? Man a tee shirt would be nice

Score: 40

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "Not sure I can get hard..just got laid 10 minutes ago"

Score: 95

What did the baby corn say to mom corn? "Where's popcorn?"

Score: 41

What did the window washer say to the window? I feel your pane

Score: 28

What did the statue say when he met his long lost statue brother? He said, "Hey, is-statue?!"

Score: 62

What did the jalapeño say in the blizzard? I'm a little chili

Score: 97

What did the cannibal say to 2 Mexicans? I thought I'd eat both of you but I only have room for Juan

Score: 65

What did the duvet say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

Score: 36

What did the gangster say when a bunch of houses fell on him "Get off me homes!"

Score: 26

What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.

Score: 110

What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform? Send crudes.

Score: 106

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing.

Score: 77

What did the homeless guy get for christmas? Pretty hungry

Score: 41

What did the sign say at the nude beach during off season? Sorry, were clothed.

Score: 34

What did the Buddhist say when he was reborn as a cowboy? WHAT IN CARNATION?!

Score: 47

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office? I can clearly see you’re nuts.

Score: 28

What did the nervous spider say to the audience? "Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."

Score: 57

What did the ear say after it was hit with a high frequency? It Hz.

Score: 129

What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? We don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

Score: 26

What did the horse say when it fell over? Help I've fallen and I can't giddyup

Score: 28

What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Score: 49

What did the boy bat send to the girl bat? sapnu puas

Score: 30

What did the caveman order at the cafeteria? A Club Sandwich

Score: 51

What did the Vampire say to the Teacher? See you next period.

(Heard this 20 years ago, hope it's not overly recycled)

Score: 50

What did the resistor say to the capacitor after he beat him in a game? I ohmed you!

(my 10 year came up with this when I was teaching him soldering)

Score: 32

What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry? Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, scum of the earth

Score: 72

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Ay Matey!

Score: 26

What did the Left tower say to the Right Tower? Can't talk right now, gotta catch a flight

Score: 65

What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus? "Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"

Score: 89

What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry after his meal? He went back for seconds.

Score: 32

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his exams? "Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,

but I never told them anything!"

Score: 53

What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby? You're going to have to be a little patient.

Score: 40

What did the anti-vaccer say to her son? I miss you.

Score: 26

What did the tectonic plate say when it had a collision? It's not my fault.

Score: 71

What did the triangle say to the circle? Why are you so pointless?

Score: 37

What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard? Pillow fight!

Score: 32

what did the biologist say to his sister when she dropped a flask on his foot? Mitosis

Score: 32

What did the necrophiliac have at the funeral Mourning wood

Score: 45

What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess? Check m8.

Score: 81