Hilarious 5 Year Old Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest 5 Year Old Jokes

My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old. Until I showed it to her in the freezer.

Score: 2116

Courtesy of my 5 year old: Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop his coffin.

Score: 1988

Score: 1379

As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought... ...I'm getting a really good deal on this car.

Score: 1167

My doctor said he thought I had the body of a 25 year old. So naturally I had to kill him and bury him next to it.

Score: 968

Why was the antivaxxers 5 year old crying? Mid Life crisis

Score: 742

As of today, I'm finally not a 25 year old virgin anymore. I'm a 26 year old one.

Score: 551

My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

Score: 358

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 5 year old child crying? Midlife crisis

Score: 279

A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman... And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.

"I told her I was 90".

Score: 226

A 60 year old Billionaire goes to the bar... ...with his gorgeous 25 year old wife!

The bartender asks him "how did she marry you?"

The billionaire replies " I lied about my age!"

Bartender: " You said 45?"

Billionaire: "No! I said 90!"

Score: 223

I was gutted today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine... She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school...

Score: 204

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom? Because he was dribbling. 😊

Score: 196

I have the body of a 25 year old Supermodel But it takes up to much space in my freezer

Score: 179

A 60 year old billionaire went to the bar with his 25 year old wife His friend asked how he got her.
He said he lied about her age.
“You said you were 45?” His friend asked
“No I said I was 90” he answered.

Score: 128

I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model! She's in my basement, any suggestions?

Score: 105

We asked our 75 year old grandfather why men die before women do. He looks over at grandma and says “because they want to”.

Score: 98

How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing? Asbestos he can.

I'm so sorry.

Score: 90

My 5 year old told me this. What did the snail say while on top of a turtle? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Score: 68

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel But it takes up too much space in the freezer

Score: 51

I have the body of a 25 year old but it's in my refrigerator

Score: 48

What's wrong with that 5 year old Ethiopian? He's having a mid-life crisis

Score: 47

I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model She's in my basement. What do I do?

Score: 45

What's a flower plus a t-Rex? A squished flower!

(An original from my 5 year old)

Score: 41

My 35 year old friend and his 22 year old girlfriend had their meal out completely ruined by strangers judging them for their age gap. It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.

Score: 33

Me and my wife gave our 15 year old daughter the "go ahead" to start dating boys, but she is having the worst luck. Every one she meets online gets arrested.

Score: 31

15 Year Old Teenager: "I love the US! It's the land of freedom and opportunity! We even have freedom of speech!" CNN: "Hold my beer."

Score: 28

What do a 45 year old pregnant alcoholic and Ironman have in common? Both have a little Downy Jr in them.

Score: 27

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper? I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

Score: 25

I may be 37 but I got a body of a 15 year old In my fridge

Score: 23

My 5 year old's original joke My son came up with this one. Clever, I thought.

What has one wheel, spins, but never moves?

A Ferris wheel.

Score: 22

A 95 year old man and a 93 year old woman file for divorce. Lawyer: Why divorce now after all this time together?
Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.

Score: 22

Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall? .....So he could see her crack....

Score: 20

I have the body of a beautiful 25 year old Let me show you. It's in my refrigerator

Score: 20

What do you call an 85 year old Jewish man that murdered his wife? Ruthless

Score: 12

It was really romantic to see an 85 year old man and 77 year old woman who were a couple for 65 years. It was horrifying when I did the math.

Score: 10

I Have The Body of a 25 Year Old Supermodel But it takes too much space in my freezer.

Score: 10

“It’s about time I told you an important thing,” I said to my 15 year old son. “What is it dad?” He asked.

“You were adopted,” I murmured.

“That’s impossible!” He exclaimed, “We look the same.”

“Well,” I replied, “That’s because we are Chinese.”

Score: 10

Why did the chicken cross the road first thing in the morning? To go to Starbawwwks.

- Partial credit to my 5 year old.

Score: 8

Why did the 5 year old drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.

Score: 7

New 5 Year Old Jokes

Why was the anti-vaxxer’s 5 year old crying? Because he was going through a mid life crisis.

Score: 4

15 year old sis of mine tried to show off her photoshop skills I said it's just a minor editing

Score: 0

My 5 year old just told me he wants to be a cop when he grows up It’s crazy. I didn’t even know he was racist.

Score: 0

Recently came across this, entirely possible it’s been on here before. There was a 5 year old girl crying by herself.

“Are you ok?” I asked her, “do you know where your mommy and daddy are?”

“No,” she responded.

I love volunteering for the orphanage.

Score: 2

My 3.5 year old daughter's Dad joke My 3.5 year old daughter saw an old donut in the car and said: "papa that is old, I donut want to eat it."

Score: 3

What does a 40 year old man and a 1.5 year old anti-vaccine child have in common? They are both going through a mid-life crisis.

Score: 3

Why was the 5 year old African boy crying? he was having midlife crisis

Score: 4

Two 15 year old boys walk into a bar... They're both refused service for being underaged.

Score: 1

I heard Roy Moore fell off the wagon after losing on Tuesday... Several sources claim he was heard repeatedly asking for a decent 15 year old Brandy.

Score: 3

I heard Roy Moore was upset that his girlfriend didn’t vote for him... But then he realized that 15 year olds can’t vote anyway.

Score: 2

"It's about time I told you an important thing" I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" he asked. "You were adopted" I murmured. "That's impossible!" he exclaimed "We look the same". "Well" I replied "That's because we are Chinese".

Score: 2

Joke from my then 5 year old ! She's silly. "Have you ever pretend your sock was a beer?"

Do you put your sock in the beer?

" Ya you put your foot in the beer then you have sake! "

Score: 1

Kids grow up so quick these days... Like just the other day, I was online talking to a 15 year old and she was an undercover cop!

Score: 4

How do you get a nun pregnant? You dress her up as a 5 year old boy.

Score: 1

My 2.5 year old's joke **Grandma to kids:** Are you Jack? Are you Harry?

**Kids**: nooooo (laughter)

**Grandma to 2.5 year old grandson**: Are you Mo?

**Grandson**: I mow the lawn!

Score: 2

Was driving down the street when I saw someone getting jumped by 3 guys. I quickly pulled over and ran towards the scene. I got there and the 4 of us messed him up good.

Source: 75 year old Mexican father-in-law

Score: 5

What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines

Score: 4

They should make Star Trek toilet paper... ...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.

(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

Score: 3

A 65 year old actress with early Alzhiemer's got a Botox shot, and later regretted it. She couldn't remember her lines.

Score: 2

What do you call 75 year old John Cena? John Cenile.

Score: 6