Aunt Jokes

I asked my Aunt"How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.

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Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

There is no incest in Alabama! You can ask my dad, brother, uncle, husband, mother, sister or aunt! They are both in the living room right now.

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!

Son: Mom, what do you love?

Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

My transgender uncle is a superhero... We call him Aunt-Man.

What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll


Edit: credit to my aunt, she’s a librarian and thought this was hilarious

My Aunt Mary got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants, the pay isn't great but the tips are enormous.

It’s time to stop Alabamian stereotypes. Me, my dad, my uncle, my mom, my aunt, and my grandfather have started a petition to stop these stereotypes.

We may only have 3 signatures, but we can start a change!

Apparently Canada banned trans fats today... I don’t really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...

Two of my mom's sisters moved to the Alaskan wilderness. it's a double aunt tundra

What is a four-letter word for a woman that ends in "unt"? Aunt.

I got kicked out of my aunt's funeral for singing a song... It was the Pink Panther theme. Dead aunt, dead aunt, dead aunt dead aunt dead aunt...

What's an incest lover's favorite animal? Aunt-eater.

High aunt My family have a tradition of placing bets on how high they can hoist my mother's sister. I keep telling them to stop as it will end in disaster but they just keep upping the ante each year...

Sorry

Who is a penguin's favorite relative? His Aunt Arctica

Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a transsexual? Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.

Socks After visiting family I flew home. Later I had this exchange.
Aunt: You left a sock behind. I can’t tell if it’s the left or right sock. *laughs*
Me: Yup. It’s the left sock.
Aunt: *stunned* How can you tell if it’s left or right?
Me: it’s the sock I left...

What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic Aunt Linda.

my aunt ruth died in a horrible explosion they couldn't even find any body parts to put in the casket

the funeral was ruthless.

When I was young, my mom's sister used to bake me cakes with lots of icing and cream. She was a fond aunt.

I asked my aunt how much a couple is, she said two or three Maybe that's why her relationships don't work out so well

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes? Oh how waffle!

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, so it was pretty ironic how she died... She was eaten by a giant crab.

My mums sister gets angry and bakes french pastries... She’s a cross aunt.

I performed a magic show for my aunt who was in a coma. Needless to say, she was speechless.

My aunt used to say "slow and steady wins the race" she died in a fire

I can't touch my aunt or I will explode. She's made of auntie matter.

How do you pronounce "Aunt"? "Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?

My aunt freaked out when I dropped my baby cousin... She should never have asked me to be a pallbearer.

Who is a penguin's favorite relative? Aunt Arctica

My aunt lost a foot when someone dropped a bowling ball on her Does she walk with a limp?

No, she's just a bit shorter.

My uncle got a vasectomy, but couldn't afford to pay the medical bill... So the finance company came to his house and knocked up my aunt.

Why do fish swim in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Edit: My 50 year old great aunt finds this joke to be hilarious. She insists on telling this joke to every person that she comes in contact with.

What would happen if Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth got into a smackdown? It would be a sticky situation!

Which of Peter Parker's guardians would keep his secret? His uncle wouldn't, but his aunt may.

The assistant manager of Burger King and my Aunt Helen, amirite?! Ugh, nobody gets my references.

Whoever ended up with aunt may from Spiderman far from home. Must have been Happy.

I love threesomes. I try to make sure to have one every Sunday. Its me, Aunt Jemima, and Mrs. Butterworth!

Service Manager: You are all set for an oil change and an inspection, and there is no recall listed. Customer: Too bad. I had an aunt with dementia who had the same problem.
Service Manger: Problem? What problem?
Customer: No recall.