Bill Clinton Jokes

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? Murdered in a jail cell.

What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated

Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it.

Bill Clinton: "I sure hope Hillary gets better interns than I did..." "All of mine sucked"

TBT - What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver? One turns in screws, one screws interns.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter on the Whitehouse lawn, carrying two pigs. A marine is there to greet him and says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton replies, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says, "Nice trade, sir!"

The problem with Bill Clinton Is that he never learned harass was one word.

What's the difference between Trump and Bill Clinton? Trump paid her $130k, Bill didn't even pay for dry-cleaning

Say what you want about Bill Clinton's Presidency... But he was always hard at work.

What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common? They were both ruined by weiners.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a screwdriver? A screwdriver turns in screws, and Bill screws interns

What do you call Bill Clinton's office? The Headquarters.

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

How was Bill Clinton able to maintain a steady surplus during his presidency? He had a great Al Gore rhythm.

With the election coming close, I trust Bill Clinton the most... He always picked someone other than Hillary, so I will too.

Bill Clinton voted for Hillary Clinton in the electoral college today. First known instance of him being faithful.

Why can't Bill Clinton go scuba diving? He won't inhale.

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky? He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm.

Why did Bill Clinton have an affair with Monica? Because Hillary only blows elections.

So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar... They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips.

Bill Clinton probably loves Hillary for the same reason I despise her. Her mouth. :O

Bill Clinton was seeing his counselor... And his counselor asked how Hillary's head was doing with all this e-mail controversy. Bill replied, "Still not as good as Monica's."

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? To keep his ankles warm.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK? One got his head blown off while the other got assasinated.

Why did Bill Clinton say NO to testosterone meds? He was afraid of ending up like Hillary.

Bill Clinton takes a dress to the dry cleaners... He asks the laundress to get a stain out of the dress, but she doesn't quite hear him with the machines running.

"Come again?" she says.

"Actually, it's mustard this time."

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? Only 109 women went down on the Titanic

What do you call it when Bill Clinton gets an erection? A political uprising.

Is Donald Trump sleazier than Bill Clinton? Close, but no cigar.

Guys I am bill clinton Hahahahaha I’m bill clinton

300 women working in Washington DC were asked if, now that he's older, they would sleep with Bill Clinton now that he's older. 96% replied "Not again"

What does Bill Clinton's presidency and Hillary Clinton's future presidency have in common? Weiners got them both in trouble but in the end nobody really cared.

Why did Bill Clinton quit the saxophone? So he could blow that hoarmonica

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton have in common? They blew a seal.

Why were Huma Abedin's darkest fears about seduction by Bill Clinton unfounded? Because ultimately it was Hillary who ended up showing her the Huma door.

If hillary wins, trump supporters can at least take solice in 1 fact. Bill clinton is going to be the first lady.