Hilarious Boyfriend Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Boyfriend Jokes

I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend

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Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That’s not what I was talking about.

Score: 1830

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.

Score: 1608

I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room... ....and boy was he mad.

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Mom I got a boyfriend! Daughter: Mom I got a new boyfriend, our neighbour Joe.

Mom: But he could be your father!

Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That's not what I was talking about...

Score: 1445

A Michael Sam joke After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

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(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

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How is Rihanna's boyfriend and power tools the same? They're both Black and Decker.

Score: 636

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

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My boyfriend just told me he has an STD... Looks like I'm *gonorrhea*valuate this relationship.

Score: 564

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues... Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Score: 466

My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.

Score: 430

Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Score: 381

My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend? I replied I would rather compete against one guy than the whole world

Score: 364

I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend... she said "Clearly not."

:-(

Score: 290

I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating "mucho" for me It means a lot

Score: 259

My boyfriend is the best cook With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.

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Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.

Score: 193

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

Score: 191

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters... He doesn't like Capitalism

Score: 181

Boyfriend moving in... Him: Can I set up a cloning machine in the basement?

Me: Sure, make yourself at home.

Score: 178

Girlfriend: "We're breaking up." Boyfriend: "Why?"

Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."

Boyfriend: "This is a stupid thing to *Fallout 4*."

All Credit goes to my friend

Score: 171

Father looks out the window on a snowy evening. He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

Score: 166

I said Hi to a girl and she replied "I have a boyfriend"... "And I have a math test", I told her. "What?", she replied, "What does that have to do with anything?".

"Oh", I said, "I thought we were both naming things we would cheat on."

Score: 164

"i used to be a Christian" She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"

Score: 138

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said.... ....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

Score: 131

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick. I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

Score: 118

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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A girl calls her boyfriend and says... come over to my house, there's no one home. He goes to her house and there's no one home

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My boyfriend looked so excited when I told him I was going to get him an escort for his birthday! I couldn't understand why he looked so disappointed when I handed him the keys to his new Ford

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I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application. They said I didn't apply myself

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My boyfriend's a joke and I'm the punchline because the joke always comes before the punchline.

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I have an invisible boyfriend... My friends don't know what I see in him.

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My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system. And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

Score: 29

I should have broken up with my boyfriend when he showed me his collection of Soviet memorabilia... I mean, the red flags were right there in front of me.

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I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories... He said “Thats what they want you to think!”

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Yesterday I heard a woman shouting on the street toward her boyfriend "All men are dogs" An old man popped his head out of the window and replied,

##"Who told you to try them all??"

Score: 22

My boyfriend is like an iPhone 7 Just jacks off

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New Boyfriend Jokes

I tried the new axe commercial "What the Fred" tactic for two weeks. Ive discovered through trial and error that women's favorite smell is... "I have a boyfriend"

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A girl asks her boyfriend if he wants to try position 71 “What’s that?” He asks
“Its 69” she responds “But with my parents watching”

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What do you call it when a boyfriend is teasing his hot girlfriend too much? Thot provoking.

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My boyfriend locks the door to the room and stays up playing Minecraft all night and its weird He says things like "oh yeah, deeper, deeper." And "oh, it's gonna blow!"

I mean, I like digging and hate creepers too but sheesh.

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There was a doctor who liked a girl But her boyfriend kept giving her an apple a day so he couldnt get close to her.

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What's the difference between a good riddle and my boyfriend? Beats me.

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I tried asking a hot girl out yesterday... She said she had a boyfriend.

I said I had a math test.

Puzzled, she asked what I meant

I responded "I thought we were naming things to cheat on!"

Score: 2

I was picking up my sister from pre school when a teacher asked me: "Are you the father of Sophie?" He did not expect me to answer: "No, just her boyfriend".

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Two women are talking to each other, when one says to the other, "Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other replies, "Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it yesterday."

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My boyfriend called me and told me to go over to his house as no one was home.... I snuck over to his house....no one was home.

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Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?" Boy says... Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"

Boyfriend: "You're both."

Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"

Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."

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If I had to decide how much I love you on a scale from 1 to 10... ...I’d say a German nein.

-Courtesy of my boyfriend-

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Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat... ... and then blame it on the boyfriend

Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Score: 6

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

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Your crush's boyfriend is merely an obstacle, similar to a fence. You just gotta jump 'em.

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My Ex said she still gets oral. My Ex said she still gets oral from her new boyfriend even if she misses shower for a week.

I said, "Oral without shower for a week? Really? Smells fishy to me."

Score: 1

I've spent the last 4 years looking for my ex-boyfriend's killer But no one will do it.

Score: 14

Girlfriend Vs Boyfriend!! Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."

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In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey Hobo Ken.

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A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"? A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"?

Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"

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My daughters boyfriend is so kind When he took her virginity he said "sorry sir, it won't happen again"

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I want my boyfriend to treat me like a textbook spend a lot of money on me and then never touch me after

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My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him Their names are Smith&Wesson

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Why did the cannibal need laxatives? To help dump her boyfriend.

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Daughter went to dad crying Daughter: Dad, I'm pregnant. My boyfriend is the father

Dad: Did he do it against your will ?

Daughter: No daddy! He did it against the wall

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My daughter found a new boyfriend. I'm just glad the police haven't found the old one.

Score: 7

How did the idiot drown drinking water? The toilet seat fell on his head.

(My boyfriend's brother came up with that one when he was a little tot)

Score: 2

I went to the top of the mountain and screamed "I Love you" Echo: "I have a boyfriend"

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I can't believe my sister's new boyfriend is black.. I mean.. She said she met him at work..

Edit: Relax people - I don't even have a sister...

Score: 11

Why did the ghost break up with her boyfriend? He was too possessive.

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"Honey I'm home!', says a girl to her boyfriend. "Where have you been?"

"I went to the beauty specialist!"

"Wasn't she there?"

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My boyfriend wanted a threesome with Dwayne Johnson. It was fun, but I wish we had gone a little slower with it, because I found myself between a Rock and a hard place pretty quickly.

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My girlfriend said I can become what ever I want... So I became her ex-boyfriend.

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Who's your daddy ? "Daddy pass me the salt please" said the girl innocently.

The scene became tensed when the boyfriend and her dad both reached for the salt.

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A co-worker was bragging that her boyfriend was taking her to Monaco to see the Grand Prix. I said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not actually pronounced that way..."

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What do big black spiders and small red spiders have in common? Women will fetch their husband/boyfriend for either one.

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Today at the bar I told my girlfriend that she was cute... She said: "I have a boyfriend".

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What did the lady melon say when her boyfriend proposed to her? Honeydew! But we Cantaloupe!

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I introduced my new boyfriend to my family last night Everyone was totally fine with it except for my wife

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I tried to help an old lady across the street. She told me she had a boyfriend.

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A woman was searching through her boyfriend's drawers and found a swastika It was a red flag.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 50 minutes.

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My parents congratulated me on my 215lb weight loss... I don't think they liked my ex-boyfriend.

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I want to create a VR girl/boyfriend simulator for those alone on Valentines Day... I shall call it, E-Bae

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My friend just got an Amazon Echo. I said, "Alexa, hi, how are y--" She said, "I have a boyfriend."

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When I told my boyfriend love has to come from both ways When I told my boyfriend love has to come from both ways...
...he suggested a threesome

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Why does a blonde girl have a bruised belly button? She has a blonde boyfriend.

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A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?

Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.

Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?

Boyfriend: 1080p

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If I had to define the word "controlling"... I'd make sure I got my boyfriend's approval of the definition first.

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Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

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I tried to use earplugs to solve boyfriend's snoring but when i stick them up his nose he wakes up.

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My boyfriend is just like a Samsung Note 7 Every time I touch him, he blows his load all over me.

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A melon's boyfriend asks her dad's permission to marry her. Her dad rejects him, but the boy proposes anyway. "Babe" he says, "Your father doesn't approve, but we can run away together." "The melon, in tears, replies "I'm so sorry honey, but I can't-elope!"

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What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend? Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me?

Edit: I'm an idiot

Score: 10

A melon's boyfriend asks her dad's permission to marry her. The dad rejects him, but the boy proposes anyway.

"Babe" he says, "Your father doesn't approve, but we can run away together."

"The melon, in tears, replies "I'm so sorry, but I can't-elope!"

Score: 2

(Racist) My daughter had her black boyfriend thrown in jail for planning to kill me. When I asked her what happened, she said.... ... "He told me he wanted to marry me, but he'd have to aXe you first."

Score: 2

A girl next to me in the trai sneezed. Me: bless you
She: I have a boyfriend

A few rows behind us : I'm vegan

Score: 11

A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar Who tells you first?

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Why was the girl's bellybutton bruised? Because her boyfriend was blind.

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So my boyfriend broke up with me because I reference Linkin Park too much. But in the end, it didn't even matter.

Score: 16