Hilarious Calendar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Calendar Jokes

Score: 972

Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.

Score: 560

They fired me from the calendar factory I don't know why. I just took a few days off.

Score: 287

I can't believe I got fired just for taking a day off. I am never working for a calendar company again.

Score: 232

What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day.

Score: 171

Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months

Score: 160

What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

Score: 159

Whats the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates.

Score: 142

What's the difference between me and a calendar? The calendar has dates

*sigh*

Score: 142

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…

Score: 142

You hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Score: 131

Number 7 Mark dreams number 7.

He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.

He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.

Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.

Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.

The horse comes seventh.

Score: 121

What's the difference between a calendar and you? The calendar has a future.

Score: 121

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months

Score: 119

Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar? **They each got 6 months.**

Score: 112

September was the first calendar month no NFL players were arrested in six years. Kudos to their wives for being so well behaved last month.

Score: 106

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

Score: 93

TIFU by getting fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Score: 91

What's the difference between me and my calendar? Calendar has dates.

Score: 90

I used to have a job; “I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.”

Score: 77

Today is the rest of the world's 9/11 No, seriously, look up the calendar.

Score: 75

What's brown and sticky? My Beyonce calendar.

Score: 73

Have you heard about the two guys who tried to steal a calendar? They each got six months

Score: 66

The thief who stole my calendar... Got 12 months.

Score: 64

Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

Score: 64

I used to work for a calendar factory I got fired for taking a day off

Score: 59

Guys my calendar is really sick.. I think its days are numbered.

Score: 58

I lost my job at the calendar factory. My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.

Score: 58

I can't believe I got terminated from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Score: 58

Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar? they each got 6 months

Score: 51

Did you hear about the two guys that got caught stealing a calendar? They each got six months.

Score: 50

Two thieves try to steal a calendar. They each got six months.

Score: 27

What's the difference between you and a calendar? The calendar actually has dates.

Score: 18

Why did the man get fired from his job at a calendar company? He took a few days off

Score: 14

Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They each got six months!

Score: 9

Why was the calendar nervous? His days were numbered

Score: 7

My smartphone is now all I need to organise events in my life My calendar's days are numbered.

Score: 6

Why is the calendar surprised after Tuesday? Because it goes WTF

Score: 6

Did you hear about the thief that stole the calendar? He got 12 months.

Score: 5

Why is the calendar depressed? Because it's days are numbered.

Score: 5

New Calendar Jokes

A religious zealot walks into a comedy club, waving a calendar and demanding his due pastries... "I am the Thirteenth Apostle! It is my cake day." Screams the zealot.

Edit: *everybody hated that*

Score: 1

I dont have a very good relationship withmy calendar After every Tuesday, it always says WTF

Score: 0

My friend dared me to touch a calendar and I’m doing so, I received a nasty shock. Turns out that’s the current calendar

Score: 1

What is the differense between you and calendar? Calendar has dates

Score: 1

To everyone who recieved picture of positive pregnancy test today, check your calendar... And count how many days you have left to push her down the stairs.

Score: 0

You heard about the two guys who stole the calendar right? They both got 6 month.

Score: 2

I work at a calendar factory... I was fired because I took a few days off...

Score: 3

I go on dates all the time... In fact, my calendar is full of them.

Score: 1

The calendar didnt last long.. ..it's days were numbered.

Score: 0

Which calendar era did Michael Jackson most like to sing about? A)BC
B)AD

Score: 5

I think my calendar is trying to kill me. My days are numbered.

Score: 2

Jealous girlfriend My girlfriend's jealousy is getting worst by the day..The other day she flew into a rage while looking at my calendar and demanded to know who April and May were.

Score: 1

My das used to work on a calendar factory but they fired him. He took a day off.

Score: 1

Shoplifters I was at Target yesterday and LP caught some man lifting a calendar..

..he got 12 months.

Score: 1

Why is a calendar scared? Because his days are numbered

Score: 3

Did you hear about the two theives who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months.

Score: 4

One time i got really scared because i had been tripping on LSD for 20 days... Then i looked at my calendar and realized it had only been for 1 hour.

Score: 4

My dad got fired from the local calendar shop He kept taking days off

Score: 2

I went to a fancy dress party as a calendar A guy came up to me and said "Your days are numbered"

Score: 2

I lost my job at the calendar factory Because I took too many days off.

Score: 3

So we're all thinking it by this point! Fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

Score: 3