Hilarious Cell Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cell Jokes

If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

Score: 7749

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump? Found in your cell, unresponsive.

Score: 3270

Score: 1248

Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed... ...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

Score: 549

If you ever get thrown into jail Introduce yourself as the mitochondria...

You're the powerhouse of the cell.

Score: 544

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who’s speeding down the highway in the wrong direction. She replied: “I know! There’s like hundreds of them!”

Score: 485

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone. "Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Score: 456

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway... when his wife called his cell phone.

"Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said the man, "It's hundreds of them!"

Score: 317

I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 301

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Score: 300

What did the blood cell say before it died in an artery? I will not die in vein!

Score: 204

My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.

Score: 197

If im ever sent to jail, im going to rename myself Mitochondria This is to let them know I am the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 139

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? Murdered in a jail cell.

Score: 120

How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it in three days it's probably dead.

Score: 107

What's the difference between a terrorist cell and a children's hospital? ... Don't ask me man, I just fly the drones.

Score: 100

A worried elderly lady calls her husband on his cell phone... "Please be careful," she tells him worriedly. "I heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the highway."

To which he replies, "It's not just one car, it's all of them!"

Score: 86

What did the cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis.

Score: 86

A ghost was arrested And placed in a holding cell with others as they await processing. The ghost turns to the man and asks "what did you get arrested for?"
"Shoplifting" he says, "how about you?"

The ghost smiles and says "possession".

Score: 80

Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? He had lost his contacts!

Score: 70

How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it within three days, you can presume it's dead.

Score: 69

What did the brother cell say to the sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

Score: 63

Why did the black man walk into a bar? Because the cell door was still locked.

Score: 62

What does a sperm cell have in common with a lawyer? Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Score: 58

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone... He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

Score: 57

What did one cell say to his sister cell when he stubbed his toe? *Mitosis*

...

I'll show myself out.

Score: 57

Why did the red blood cell misspell his name? It was a type-o.

Score: 45

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon? 1/6 G

My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Score: 44

Why did the cell phone need glasses? Because it ran out of contacts.

Score: 44

If I go to jail I'm changing my name to mitochondria That way I can become the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 41

Why does the cell always fail at Math? It performs division for multiplication.

Score: 31

Why couldn't the plant escape the jail? Because his cell had walls.

Score: 22

If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"

Score: 18

A biologist is sent to prison, The first words he says to his cell mate, "I am the mitochondria."

Score: 17

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.

I'm sorry.

Score: 17

What do you call someone who works for buzzfeed? A cancer cell

Score: 16

A red blood cell was found stealing oxygen... They had to make a cardiac arrest.

Score: 13

How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!

Score: 12

Bio joke What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Mitosis.

Score: 12

Why did Frodo set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Score: 11

New Cell Jokes

Why did the brain cell refuse to cross the road? It was nervous.

Score: 6

What do you call a Swedish cell phone made by a car company? iKia

Score: 4

What do you call the power plant of a cell that always thinks it's sick? A mitochondriac

Score: 1

The guards at Epstein's cell must have been pretty gullible They took their job title a little too literally.

Score: 1

What's the difference between Jeff Epstein and a cell phone battery? I'm not happy when my cell phone battery dies.

Score: 10

Why is Trump like bad cell service? He never works when you need him to, he tracks your location anyway and when he finally shows up there’s just one lousy Barr

Score: 2

After tearing my anterior cruciate ligament I rubbed asparagus on my knee everyday. I don't think this stem cell treatment works for me.

Score: 1

What company do fish buy their cell phones from ? LG

Score: 1

Why didn’t the warden let married couples share a cell? She was worried that they’d finish each other’s sentences

Score: 2

What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!

(Courtesy my 6 year old)

Score: 10

Turns out my car is a cell phone It's definitely no Kia.

Score: 2

What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis.

Score: 4

(Not OC) Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? Because he lost all his contacts

Score: 2

School Logic Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?

School: Worry not

School: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 8

What do you call a holding cell for a hat? Fedoral prison

Score: 1

What'd the cold prisoner do when the female guard came to his cell? Shiv 'er.

Score: 4

what did the brother cell says to his sister cell when she stomp on his toe? mitosis

Score: 10

What's the difference between a Benign Cancer Cell and Malignant Cancer Cell? One of them has an existential crisis.

Score: 3

I call my cell phone "privilege" Because I never check it

Score: 3

Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone? 'Cause I could stare at you all day...

(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)

Score: 9

What you don't remember from school. Not every cell has mitochondria.

Score: 3

My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it’s going to affect the health of their children. *If* they can stop having miscarriages.

Score: 7

What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

Score: 10

So a man walks into a bar And the warden said "dammit jim, i told you not to put the blind person in the standard jail cell"

Score: 7

I never really understood the hype about having two cell phones I guess you could say I'm a single celled organism

Score: 6

What did the cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his foot? Mitosis

Score: 1

Yo M-- ..itochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 2

A phone gets thrown into a jail cell His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being charged with?"

The phone looks smugly at his cell mate and replies "Battery"

Score: 5

A power cell held up charged in court. It was battery related case.

Score: 3

How do they communcate in prison? Cell phones...

--Batman

Score: 4

How do they communcate in prison? Cell phones.... Val Kilmer told me this joke once.

Score: 2

I never put a case on my cell phone. It just feels better unprotected.

Score: 2

What did the cell say to its sister when she stepped on its foot? Ouch! My toe, sis!

Score: 5

I'm not racist, a lot of my closest friends are black. My favourite is the guy in Cell 21.

Score: 7

What do you call a phone in prison? A cell phone

Score: 10

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot during cell division? Ouch, mitosis!

Score: 4

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

Score: 4

What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis.

Score: 2

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe? "Hey my-toe-sis!"

Score: 6

Text and drive? Oh cell no

Score: 8

What did the cell brother say to his cell sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis

EDIT: Sorry for the crappy pun, but at least it wasn't one about eggs. I don't tell those types of yolks. Sorry I just really crack myself up.

Score: 8

Got up in the middle of the night, and couldn't find my alarm clock Checked the time on my cell phone, it was 4:04. Made sense.

Score: 4

Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV? He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"

Score: 10

I don't think stem cell research is a bad thing... After all, clones are people two.

Score: 2

*tips cell* m'tochondria

Score: 3

If I ever go to prison, I'm going to start lifting weights So I can be the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 4

What can be smooth but also rough 😏😏😉😉 Endoplasmic Reticulum.

Up vote for more helpful cell facts

Score: 3

RIP Jobs What did the unemployed cancer cell say?
"We should get Jobs"

Score: 2

What did the cell say when its sister stepped on it's toe? Mitosis!

Score: 4

what did the cell that got stepped on by it's sister say? mitosis.

Score: 6

What did a cell say to his sister cell, when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

Score: 5

What did one egg cell say to the other? I'm not ovary fond of you

Score: 2

What did one cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on him? "Mitosis !"

Score: 11

An angry cell walks into a bar... Smoking a cigarette the cell orders a drink.
When the barman turns around the cells were three. "Tumor!"

Score: 2

The strongest person in a prison should be called mitochondria Because they are the powerhouse of the cell.

Score: 3

How did the nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.

I'm sorry. This was just too wonderful to resist sharing.

Score: 2

What is long hard and makes you cry. Your cell mate

Score: 2

What did one cell say to his sister after she stepped on him? Mitosis.

Huehuehuehuehuehue

Score: 5

What do they call me in prison? Mitochondria, cause I'm the powerhouse of the cell

Score: 9

Really dissappointed with cell reception these days. I mean, we're gonna be here for a while. We could at least try to get along.

Score: 2