Hilarious Chemist Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Chemist Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Edit: Gets 3000+ upvotes, Karma remains at 20...

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Did you hear about the chemist that froze himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

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How can you tell a construction worker from a chemist? You ask him to pronounce “Unionized“

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How do you treat a sick chemist? If you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium.

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I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree... He said "Sodium Bromate."

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How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom? A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.

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How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

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Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.

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High I.Q joke Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says “I’ll have H2O please”. The second chemist says “I’ll have water too”. The first chemist scowls, his assassination attempt failed.

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Did you hear about the chemist who died of lead poisoning? He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich

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Two chemists walk into a bar The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have water too."

The first chemist now has to rethink the assassination.

Score: 128

Did you hear about the racist chemist? He recently joined the Potassium Potassium Potassium.

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Two chemists walk into a bar... The first chemist says "I'll have some H20"

The second chemist says, "I'll have some H20 as well."

The first chemist kicks himself as his assassination attempt fails.

Score: 91

Two chemists walk into a bar The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."

The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronouce unionized

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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "unionized."

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A chemist froze himself at-273C Everyone said he was crazy. But he was 0K

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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask him to pronounce "unionized"

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

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What's the difference between a raver and a chemist at a club? One drops acid while the other drops the base.

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Did you all hear about the sick Chemist? If they don't Helium or Curium soon they'll have to Barium

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A chemist walks into a bar... Chemist: Do you have any Sodium Hypobromite?

Bartender: NaBrO

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Two chemists walk in a bar... The bartender asks "What'll you have?".

The first chemist says "I'll have some H20".

The second chemist says "That sounds good, I'll have some H20 too!".

The first chemist drinks his water.

The second chemist dies.

Score: 33

Real chemist never dies ...just stops reacting.

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A Scotsman at the chemist's shop. A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.

"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.

"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.

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How can you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

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What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't Helium, Barium.

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If your dad is a chemist, never ask him to make you a Pb&j sandwich. Pretty sure I have lead poisoning now.

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Being a clumsy chemist is like going to the rave... Sometimes you drop the base and trip on acid.

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As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar... ...anyway, here's van der Waal

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionised"

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Have you heard about the sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.

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Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down? He had no *acetol*.

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A chemist decided to plagiarize a man's work. He made a carbon-copy.

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What do you do with a sick chemist? You can't curium or helium so you have to barium.

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The law of averages A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
They spot a deer and the biologist shoots and misses left by three feet. The chemist shoots and misses right three feet. The statistician shouts "WE HIT IT !"

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How do you tell the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? You ask them to pronounce "unionized"

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Why can't you scare a chemist? ...because they always lack the element of surprise...

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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word unionized

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New Chemist Jokes

Johnny was a chemist, a chemist who's no more What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

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You have to Tritium an ailing chemist in order to Helium. Otherwise you'll just have to Barium.

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Walking down my local High Street I noticed a Specsavers, a Boots chemist and a Greggs... Specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

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What did the chemist say to the burglar? Ay U, is that my gold? Ah Gee, it’s just silver.

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A chemist and another man walks into the bar. Chemist: I would like a glass of H2O.

Man: I would like a glass of H2O too.

The man died.

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What do a chemist and a dyslexic philosopher have in common? They both have to learn about molarity.

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What did the chemist say about the protein that talked back? “What a-mean-o acid!”

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How to tell a chemist from plumber? Ask them to pronounce *unionized*.

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A biologist, a chemist and a statistician were out hunting... The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, "We got 'em!"

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What did the organic chemist say at the start of his stand-up comedy routine? Enjoy the show, I've got alkynes of jokes for you!

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a train driver? Ask them to pronounce "unionised".

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What is... A mathematician’s favorite song?
“Sines” (Sine, sine, everywhere a sine! Don’t do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sine?)

What about a baker?
“Sweet Emulsion”

Okay. Now a chemist?
“Can I Get a Litmus?”

Lastly, a genealogist?
“Rock of Ages”

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Where do Chemists come from? A Chemist tree.

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Why did the chemist's girlfriend get mad at him? He kept responding to her texts with "Potassium."

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What is a chemist's favorite movie? So Fast Sulfurious

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How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce the following word:

"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"

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I'm a chemist and I can play the guitar Anyway, here's Van der Waal

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A chemist and a pirate were sitting at a bar The chemist asked the pirate what his favorite rare gas was, to which the pirate replied, "Arrrgon".

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The sick chemist Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.
Cortana Science Joke!

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Why did the chemist wear gloves to brush his teeth? His mouth was 4 molar

Post your favorite nerd chem jokes!

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Two chemists walk into a bar The first says "I'll have H2O"
The second says "I'll have H2O too"
The first chemist drinks his water, the second also drinks water because why would a bar serve poisonous chemicals?

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A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting... The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!”

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What do you do with a sick chemist? Well if you can't helium, you'll have to barium.

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What's the difference between a plumber and a chemist? The way they pronounce "unionized".

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Chemist joke.. Little timmy took a drink but he will drink no more because what he thought was H2O was H2SO4..

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What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium or curium then you have to barium

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A chemist asks another chemist: "Yo, got some sodium hypobromite that I could use?" The other chemist replies: "Na bro."

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How does a chemist rate a party He performs a lit-ness test

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When I bit into my sandwich, I broke my teeth Never ask your chemist friend to make you a PB & J.

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The chemist got arrested last night in his lab He was charged with a salt and battery

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There once was a chemist named atom He made up everything.....

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What is the favourite flower of a chemist? A dandel-ion

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What's a chemist's favorite fast food restaurant? K(elvin) F(ahrenheit) C(elsius)!

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What do you call a brewmaster that wears a bright purple robe and carries around an enormous recipe book? An Ale Chemist.

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If you have a problem, you should talk to a chemist. They always have a solution.

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How about a science joke? Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium!

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What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs? One day, my prints will come.

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What did the chemist say when the waiter asked if they wanted salt? Na

EDIT: NaCl. Thanks /u/Dyesce_ .

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I think I impressed them at my job interview for Director of Science when I said I was half chemist, half physicist . . . and half mathematician

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I recently acquired my grandmother's secret recipe for ragus. She was an accomplished chemist, and managed it with only one ingredient: invert sugar.

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How can you tell if someone is a construction worker or a chemist The way they pronounce unionised

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A Chemist with a broken arm fell in some lava His splint went up in flames

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The only good thing about being a chemist... Is that no one knows what I'm doing with my dog when I tell them "I'll be in my lab".

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How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

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