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Contents
Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.
I need to get a new chess set because all my pawns are damaged and sticky. I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
I was playing chess with my friend and he said "Let's make this interesting" so we stopped playing.
Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.
Life is like chess... We can't all be white.
I have a friend from Prague who I play chess with. He is my Czech mate.
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they don't have 2 towers.
How do Australians know who won the chess game? They check, mate.
I married a European chess master. He's my Czech mate.
A friend and I were playing chess, and we wanted to make things interesting. So we stopped playing chess.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say before he began his chess game?
"I'll be black."
EDIT: If it gets me any sympathy upvotes, I'll mention I made this one up myself.
EDIT 2: Wow this is my first front page post ever!! Thanks guys!
What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common? They both end with a check mate
My brother and I were playing chess, and I said to him 'care to make this interesting?' He said 'sure'. So we stopped playing chess.
My computer beat me at chess... So I beat my computer at kickboxing.
How did the Australian pay for his new chess set? Cheque, mate.
Why is it so confusing to play chess with an Australian? Because every "check" is a "check, mate!"
My dad used to beat me while playing chess... Because I'd always win.
I like to play chess with old bald men in the park But it’s hard to find 32 of them
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’ So we stopped playing chess.
I like playing chess with bald men in the park... although its hard to find 32 of them.
I like playing chess with bald people in the park The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them
I played chess with my friend from Central Europe. Czech mate.
What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess? Check m8.
Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he is dead.
I was playing chess with my Australian friend
He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".
I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"
Confused he said, "mate, I know."
The first time I played chess, I thought the castles moved diagonally. Rookie mistake.
Why can't americans play chess? They are missing two towers
Being the first to move in chess. It's a white privilege.
"When did you stop beating your wife?" "When her chess game improved."
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally. Classic rook-y mistake.
Why is chess banned in islam? Cause the queen moves freely
What does eating in Australia and playing chess have in common? They both usually end with "check mate"
Why are Australian security guards so good at playing chess? They always check, mate
Being the first to move in chess... Is white privilege.
My wife makes love like a chess player. Every twenty minutes, she moves.
(Offensive) You know why americans lose every game of chess? Because they start with two towers missing.
They say a man's attractiveness is tied to his chess ability... Unfortunately, I'm really bad at mating.
What chess piece is the best with kids? The bishop
Just been sacked from my new job working at a Chess piece factory... ... I refused to work knights.
An Aussie wins a game of chess and calls for the bill, then his friend collapses in his chair. He says: “Checkmate. Check, mate” then Checks his mate
I played chess with the waiter, however won paid the bill In my final move i said, check mate.
Who is your friend who you play chess with He is your check mate
Why should you never play chess with an Austrailian? Because a check will always turn into a check, mate.
Why was the Englishman bad at chess? Because his queen does nothing
I like to play chess with old people in the park. Although I will admit that it is difficult to round up 32 of them and get them to play in costume.
Who wins in chess George Bush or Osama Bin Laden? Bin Laden wins because Bush is missing two towers
What do a game of chess and an meal at an Australian restaurant have in common? You say “check mate” at the end
You know what the biggest problem with Australian Chess jokes is? They’re getting stale, mate.
How does an Australian chess player end a nice dinner at an restourant? Check mate!
Why shouldn't you eat a chess sandwich? It's stale, mate.
I love playing chess with my European friend. He’s my Czech mate
Who will win in a game of chess - Bush or Osama Bin Laden? Bin Laden because Bush is missing two towers.
I like playing chess with bald people at the park It’s usually pretty hard to find 32 of them though...
Chess has taught me an important life lesson Being black makes it tougher
Who'd win in a game of chess, George Bush or Vladimir Putin? Putin, 'cause Bush is missing two towers.
Life is like a game of chess... I have no idea what I'm doing in either
Who does a person from Prague play chess with? Their Czech mate.
Okay so i bought this chess game in US And it only came with one tower :(
What do you say after finishing a game of chess at an Australian restaurant? Checkmate
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess Most people don't know how to play chess.
Bin Laden and Bush just started playing chess... and Bush already lost two towers.
The difference between chess and politics: Only in politics can it be a blunder to play the game.
A zinger I used while crushing a mate at chess!
Me: do you have a foot fetish?
Him: why?
Me: because your about to taste da feet!
Why did the chess player throw away his bread? Because it was stalemate
"Ha! i killed all your black guys!"
Said my son, playing a lovely chess game with me.
^^*true ^^story
Why can't USA play chess? They lost their towers
My computer just beat me at chess in 20 moves It was no match for me at kickboxing
How do Americans play chess? Without the towers.
Saudi Arabia bans chess, calling it a dangerous game
Because:
1. Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. And....there's only one Queen
First rule of Alzheimer's club? Don't talk about chess club.
How do chess players reproduce? By check-mating.
What do you call your chess playing friend from Prague? CzechMate
What did the chess player say after eating at an Australian restaurant? Check, mate!
How does a chess player avoid catching an STD? Checkmate
Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments? They are missing two towers
Chess is the only game which reflects on the poor state of male leadership The poor king can take only one step at a time.
Trump supporters claim that Donald is playing 4D chess When really he's just playing Mein craft
What do Australian chess players say when they're finished eating at a restaurant? Check mate.
Why do Australians always win 4D chess? Double check, mate
Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess? It's the only chance they have to mate.
While playing chess, my black friend said to me that white making the first move was racist. I told him that toilet paper being white compensates for all kinds of racism.
I love the queen in chess... I always mate with her.
This joke is brought to you by Arnold Schwarzeneggers one-sided chess set. "I'll be black"
It's the RoboShowdown! Deep Blue opens e4. Watson responds, "What is 'Chess'?"
Why do Australians take forever to play chess? Because they never make it past the first check, mate.
What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess? Czechmate
Life is like a game of chess The whites have the advantage
What did Crocodile Dundee say when he beat Vaclav Havel at chess? Checkmate, Czech mate.
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