Chicago Jokes

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped... I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:

"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."

"Sir, you can't do that."

"Why not? It happened the last time."

Apparently, someone in Chicago gets stabbed every 52 seconds.. poor guy.

What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage.



(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire. it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

Do you know what Sin City is? Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

I like to be frank and earnest with women. In Brooklyn, I'm Frank and in Chicago I'm Ernest.

Ok Chicago, please be responsible. If the game doesn't go your way tonight... At least act like you've been there before.

What's 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat? Chicago

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

The city of Chicago is no longer giving speeding tickets... Instead, to deter speeders, the are giving away Bears tickets.

What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common? The amount of lead put into black people.

(It was funnier over the radio)

What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago? "WTF is Chicago?"

I'm always Frank & Earnest With Women In Chicago I'm Frank in New York I'm Earnest

Why is Chicago called the Windy City? Because Indiana sucks and Wisconsin blows

What does the Chicago Cubs's name stand for? Completely Useless By September

How many Chicago Policemen does it take to crack an egg? None. It fell down the stairs.

Kylie Jenner just named her newborn baby daughter Stormi I think the Kardashian family is trying to have a weather forecast for her kids, because it's going to be Stormi in North West Chicago with a chance of Reign.

On my visit to Chicago, the weather forecast said it was muggy. The forecaster was right. I went outside and someone stole my shoes.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.? Call Baltimore, M.D.

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago? "What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

If I had a dollar for every mugging in S Chicago... I'd still have nothing

I heard that Chicago had a world renowned shooting range. So I went to go check it out. When I got there I couldn’t seem to find it, so I asked for directions... The guy I asked gave me a funny look and said, “The city of Chicago is the shooting range.”

Whats the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and Marty McFly? Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.

A friend of mine said he personally knows a defenseman from the Chicago Blackhawks I said to him "Oduya?"

An ISIS attack wouldn't do any damage to Chicago What's one more pot hole?

We now finally have proof that Osama Bin Laden is dead He just registered to vote in Chicago

TIL: On an average week in Chicago, there are around a hundred shootings and five to ten people are killed. Those people need to take lessons or something. Their aim must be awful.

You know why you should never hang out with that guy from Chicago? Illinois you.

We finally have definitive proof that Osama bin Laden is dead. He just registered to vote in Chicago.

I'm glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series. 108 years of hibernation just doesn't seem healthy.

How many Chicago PD does it take to throw a 69 year old doctor into an armrest? None, he fell.

What's your favorite game as a resident of Chicago? Mine is "Gunshots Or Fireworks?"

A Chicago Bus Driver told me this one... Knock Knock....

Who's there?

Dishes.

Dishes who?

Dishes the last stop, kid. End of the line.

Things that have occurred in history since the Chicago Cubs last won a World Series... I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself.

What do you call a tornado in Chicago? A bulletstorm.

Why was Chicago blushing at the party? It's ShyTown

The Chicago Department of Public Works is getting push back on their next project The plan was to replace key infrastructure under Wrigley Field, but now they can't dig anything up because it's an Indian burial ground.

Baseball fans in Chicago and Boston got married. It's not a same-sox marriage.