Hilarious Cigarette Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cigarette Jokes

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 17320

There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 10213

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 6628

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Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Edit:
This got a lot more upvotes than i expected.

Score: 2569

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with …so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

Score: 2156

I have a dog with no legs called Cigarette. Every day, I take Cigarette out for a drag.

Score: 1260

I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

Score: 1186

There are 3 men in a boat and 4 cigarettes, however they don't own a lighter. How do they smoke? They throw one cigarette over board in order to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 1107

Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package... My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.

Score: 791

My dog has no legs. I call him Cigarette. Every night I come home from work, I take him for a drag.

Score: 786

Two men are on a boat. They have three cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 531

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 334

3 men were on a boat.. And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

Score: 248

Today a 12 yo kid came to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?" I can't believe it. Kids nowadays are so polite.

Score: 221

Chicken and an egg A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

Score: 180

2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 178

I googled cigarette lighters And got 1,500,000 matches.

Score: 161

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do? They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Score: 158

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.

But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag.

Score: 144

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes..... Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 136

Please don't throw cigarette butts in urinals. It makes them soggy and hard to light.

Score: 135

A kid in the park told me smoking was bad for me So I popped his ballon with my cigarette and informed him so was talking to strangers.

Score: 116

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

Score: 111

I got a dog with no legs..... I call him cigarette because I take him for a drag every night.

Score: 96

A girl on Tinder asked me why my cigarette isn’t lit in my picture... I told her i’m just looking for matches

Score: 94

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do? Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

Score: 92

Scariest thing ever The scariest thing in the world is waking up with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. I was so scared I almost swerved off the road!

Score: 90

3 men are stranded in a boat with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.

Score: 83

Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.

Score: 76

My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she’s toast.

Score: 33

A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg says to herself, "I guess we answered that question."

Score: 31

My dog's got no legs, I call him cigarette ...... Because every night I take him out for a drag.

Score: 17

Four men are in a boat Four men are in a boat trying to smoke some cigarettes, but they don't have a lighter. One man throws a cigarette over board and now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter.

Score: 17

What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common? Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.

Source: Friend told me

Score: 15

The Chicken and the Egg are lying in bed... The Chicken takes a drag of a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess that answers that question..."

Score: 13

A cigarette is safer than a bottle of wine. If you don't believe me, let me hit you on the head with a cigarette.

Score: 11

3 men are on a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but no lighter or matches. How do they managed to light their cigarettes? They throw the 4th cigarette over board so that the boat is now a cigarette lighter.

Score: 9

Three men are out fishing They each have a pack of cigarettes but no lighter.

Not knowing what to do but really wanting to smoke, they think until they get an idea.

They threw a cigarette out of the boat and make it a cigarette lighter.

Score: 5

Today's youth are getting worse Today's youth are getting worse. I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the holy candle in the church yesterday. I was so shocked that I dropped my beer bottle.

Score: 5

New Cigarette Jokes

You should always tip the band Musicians are so broke, I just saw 4 of them in the parking lot sharing one cigarette!

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A new programmer on the job goes to his boss. "How should I name my variables? Do I use all small letters, and separate words with underscores?"

The boss thinks for a moment, lights up a cigarette, and says, "No, that's not the case."

Score: 0

I used to dream of starting my own e-cigarette company. That idea went up in vape.

Score: 1

A cigarette, a vape and a marijuana leaf meet up in a bar. The shady cigarette slyly grins, ‘hey compadres, wanna earn some real quick and easy money?’ The marijuana leaf coughs disgustedly in response: ‘No way, man! I just got outta the joint.’

Score: 1

I've invented a cigarette that only works when you play hip hop. It burns Tupacco.

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How can you tell when your gf is having a bad day? She has her tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

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Did you hear about the guy who died after smoking a whole cigarette in under a second? What a drag!

Score: 4

A chicken and an egg were in bed together. The chicken was smoking a cigarette and the egg looked frustrated. I guess that answers that question.

Score: 3

After decades of fighting his terrible cigarette addiction, my grandfather finally stopped breathing

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When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to buy a cigarette and never comes back

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What do a cigarette and a squirrel have in common? They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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There are three men in a boat and 4 cigarettes. They don't have a lighter. How do they smoke? They toss one cigarette over to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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Be careful stubbing your cigarette out on small metal dishes You may be lead ashtray

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The age old question So a chicken and an egg are lying in bed, and the egg is smoking a cigarette. So the chicken turns to the egg and says, "well I guess that answers that question."

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I saw a lady in Church light a cigarette during Mass... I was laughing so hard I dropped my beer.

Score: 2

My friend told me to save my money for the orphanage every time i want to buy a cigarette... So i saved 300$ to buy cigarettes for these poor kids.

Score: 2

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The eggs lights a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess we answered that question"

Score: 3

What kind of cigarette does a hippy smoke? Yours.

Score: 5

(A lingerie joke) How does a redneck know how to put on sweatpants? The cigarette holes go in the front.

Score: 2

My dad went to go get a cigarette That was 20 years ago

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Today's youth... Today’s youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when i saw a guy lightning a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that i dropped my beer bottle.

Score: 1

Why did the cricket team need cigarette lighters? Because they lost all of their matches!

Score: 3

What is the difference between an electronic cigarette and a hookah? You suck on an E-Cig, but a hooker sucks on you!

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Cigarette. Every night after dinner you take him out for a drag.

Score: 4

I hate it when people put cigarette butts in urinals. They get soggy and hard to lite.

Score: 2

An egg and a Chicken are lying in bed... The egg lights a cigarette and says "well that answers that old question"

Score: 2

There was 3 guys and 4 cigarettes on a boat. They didn't know how to light it, so they threw a cigarette overboard and it became a CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

Score: 3

An angry cell walks into a bar... Smoking a cigarette the cell orders a drink.
When the barman turns around the cells were three. "Tumor!"

Score: 2

What is a hippies favourite type of cigarette? Yours :P

Score: 1