Hilarious Cooking Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cooking Jokes

Score: 2558

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron

Score: 1892

What is a nice guys' favorite cooking utensil? M'Ladle

*tips fedora*

Just kidding, it's his mom. He doesn't cook.

Score: 1306

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Score: 910

Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his best friend and his cooking pot... They’re both cauldron.

Score: 363

Cooking with French ingredients always makes me depressed. Yesterday I almost lost the huile d'olive.

Score: 187

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

Score: 166

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon. The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

Score: 113

I went on a date with a dyslexic girl, and she ended up cooking my sock.

Score: 100

My wife's cooking is incredible. With a silent 'cr'.

Score: 89

I started stealing cutlery from my cooking classes It was a whisk I was willing to take

Score: 81

I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain. Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.

Score: 72

If people make you sick, You’re probably not cooking them long enough.

Score: 62

My housemates may get angry at me for stealing all their cooking utensils.. ..but quite frankly that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Score: 60

If two lesbians get married, who does the cooking? Neither, they both eat out.

Score: 60

I met a dyslexic woman at a bar last night... I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

Score: 55

What should you do before cooking the vegetables? Remove the wheelchair

Score: 54

Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his best friend and his cooking pot. They're both cauldron.

Score: 50

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended. It could spell disaster.

Score: 49

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my... Rameses kitchen nightmares.

Score: 40

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron.

Score: 36

My wife got onto me the other day, claiming I spent too much time moistening food while cooking Thinking the accusations as ridiculous, I asked:

"Baste on what?"

Score: 32

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

Score: 31

My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"

Score: 31

I love cooking dogs and children. But I hate using commas.

Score: 30

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate They're both cauldron.

Score: 30

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend They're both cauldron.

Score: 28

Grandma's cooking is so good, it'll make you time travel. You'll go back four seconds.

Score: 23

I used to date a dyslexic woman I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

Score: 21

My wife's cooking.. My wife's cooking is incredible,with a silent cr

Score: 20

My girlfriend was cooking for our guests. She told me to go in and prepare the table. So I walked in and told them all about her cooking.

Score: 17

My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist... Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.

Score: 15

Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day? Because they're so full of mummies

(As told by "Jackie chan" while cooking my lunch on the hibachi grill)

Score: 13

Why was Adam and Eves marriage so successful? Because he couldn't complain about her mothers cooking.

Score: 11

Sometimes cannibals eat people without even cooking them, but it's rare.

Score: 11

My girlfriend is dyslexic... .. She loves "cooking my sock"

Score: 11

A cooking utensil owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden went for auction today. It’s the grater of two evils.

Score: 8

According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.

Score: 8

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his friend and a cooking pot They are both cauldron

Score: 8

You know how when you are cooking a really nice steak, and your mouth starts to water? Does the same thing happen to vegans when they mow their lawn?

Score: 6

New Cooking Jokes

I was surprised when the audience of the Australian cooking show applauded for the merangè I thought Australians would boo merangè

Score: 0

I go to the kitchen to get my vitamins and wife’s cooking breakfast, of course my hands start roaming,I’m tryna make your breakfast she said.. it was just a hug I replied 🇨🇦 That’s a Harvey Weinstein hug she responds!

Score: 0

My fiancee asked me if I ever peed in her shower. I told her "yes, occasionally. Just last night, I remember."

"Augh! That's disgusting! How can you do that in my bathroom?!"

I shrugged. "Sometimes I can't help it with your diarrhea inducing cooking."

Score: 0

I was in a cooking competition with my friend yesterday. Did you beet him?

Score: 0

I couldn't find the right herb while cooking the other day. So I put oregano in instead... I always try to make up for lost thyme

Score: 5

How are people with anxiety like smoke detectors that go off while cooking? You know it's not an emergency, but they don't!

Score: 3

A Husband Had Had Enough With His Wife. He can't stand her cooking and has tried everything he can to get rid of her. He says to his friend, "I don't know to do, I just can't get rid of her!" And his friend responds, "Have you invited the sheriff over for dinner?"

Score: 0

What's the most difficult thing about cooking vegetables? Getting them out of the wheel chair.

Score: 2

I hatw to admit it, but my wifes cooking is seriously improving. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Score: 0

My wife just had the best Mothers Day EVER. She had all three meals served to her in bed, people waited on her hand and foot, and she didn't do any cooking, cleaning, or taking care of the kids. Of course, she's in the hospital :(

Score: 3

I took a dyslexic girl home once and she ended up cooking my sock.

Score: 4

What is a pansexuals favorite kind of show? Cooking shows

Score: 4

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you smell a steak cooking on the grill? Is that what happens to vegans when they mow the grass?

Score: 4

Guess what the rocks cooking Pancakes but don't take it for granite

Score: 2

So I was cooking today... I heated up some oil, fried up some garlic, onion and chillis. Stirred in some chopped tomatoes, added vinegar and sugar and left it to simmer. Boy can I tell you, when it was done, it was relish!

Score: 1

I don't get why people love a mother's cooking. 9 months in the oven and you came out awful.

Score: 6

What's Snoop Dogg's new cooking show called? 420 Braise It

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"Dad, I'm going to play rugby with my friends ... you know where the ball inflator is?" Dad: "Go to look for it ... it must be cooking."

Score: 2

The story of an egg One day, a happy egg was with his friends in a basket. But a human picked him up and took him away for cooking him. The egg was sad and lost and wanted to find everyone else.
Guess you could say that he was SCRAMBLING to find his friends.

Score: 1

Did you know that before WWII, Hitler and Stalin took cooking classes together? They were learning how to make peas with their enemies.

Score: 4

"I like cooking up trouble" Says Miss Chef

Score: 1

What made the chef stop cooking ? He ran out of Thyme

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A mother is cooking in her kitchen when... A mother is cooking in her kitchen when she picks up the pot. A genie comes out of the pot and says " You have one whisk, use it wisely"

Score: 3

Did you hear about the chef who never understood how animal-based oils help the cooking process? For him.... The Lard works in mysterious ways!

Score: 2

They Should Make A Star Wars Themed Cooking Competition. They could call it Stir Wars.

Score: 1

What do you call a disney movie about antique cooking wares pewter pan

Score: 4

My cooking is so awesome... ...even my smoke alarm cheers me on!

Score: 2

I wish my cooking skills were more creative. What I'm saying is I wish I could cook outside the box.

Score: 1

The two most important parts of cooking a pizza.. Are making sure that the pizza is perfectly cooked and that I'm perfectly baked.

Score: 1

My wife's cooking is so bad That we usually pray AFTER the meal.

Score: 4

*sniff...sniff* Guy: "Honey! Do you smell that?" Girl: "No babe."
Guy: "Yeah me neither, start cooking."

Score: 3

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.

Score: 6

Cooking It's about thyme.

Score: 3

My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry... I guess he's really passionate about separating whites from coloreds.

Score: 4

Why can't Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend Because they're both cauldron

Score: 6

What do we call pressure cooking gone wrong? A blast.

Score: 3

Darling, do you smell anything? SO: no?
Me: me neither. Start cooking.....

Score: 3

I know a guy that used to juggle while cooking Missed steaks were made.

Score: 1

I bought my girlfriend a book called Cheap and Easy Vegetarian Cooking Which is great for her, because not only is she a vegetarian...

Score: 2

I'm creating a new dating app for chefs! It's called Tender! Swipe right to keep cooking or swipe left to leave raw

Score: 4

I heard Michael J. Fox is getting his own cooking show... The show is called, "Shake and Bake".

Score: 2

I wanted to crack a joke on cooking utensils... ...but it didn't pan out.

Score: 5

After Thanksgiving dinner, I told my wife she should be on a cooking show. Now I'm sleeping on the couch. Worst Cooks in America has decent ratings. Why is she complaining?

Score: 1

Harry Potter joke Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron.

Score: 2

I used to date a dysexic woman... ... I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

Score: 6

Watching a cooking show when "We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day" I bet that went down well.

Score: 5

What did the two stars of Good Burger name their vegan cooking show? Quinoa and Kale!

Score: 2