Hilarious Did You Hear About Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Did You Hear About Jokes

Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name? Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4

Score: 15584

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak

Score: 14281

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Score: 13421

Did you hear about the guy who was shot with a starter pistol? Police think it is race-related

Score: 11897

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump rally? He's fine -- fake noose.

Score: 7596

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He would stop at nothing to avoid them

Score: 3042

Did you hear about what happened to the really offensive joke about cows? [remooved]

Score: 2298

Score: 2222

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.

Edit: Thank you for getting this on the front page!

Score: 1636

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

Score: 1410

Did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero? He is 0K now.

Score: 1391

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

Score: 1365

Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber? He had locomotives.

Score: 929

Did you hear about Prince? Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.

Score: 831

Did you hear about the chronic masturbator that was slightly under the weather? He's not feeling himself today.

Score: 804

The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head? [Removed]

Score: 718

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

Score: 660

Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break? He got fired for sleeping on the job.

Score: 643

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Score: 634

Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers? How could someone stoop so low?

Score: 630

Did you hear about those new corduroy pillowcases? I'm surprised if you haven't, they're making lots of headlines.

Score: 588

Did you hear about the communist sniper? He was an incredible marxman

Score: 575

Did you hear about the Anorexic Jedi? She had to be force fed.

Score: 528

did you hear about the man that got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

Score: 492

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He had loco motives.

Score: 463

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? He went around killing gingers.

Score: 461

Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa.

Score: 442

Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.

Score: 425

Did you hear about the chemist that froze himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

Score: 412

Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects? He shot himself.

Score: 382

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't pay for his exorcism? He got repossessed.

Score: 376

Did you hear about the stolen Tesla? I guess now it's an Edison

Score: 365

Did you hear about the new Swastika Fidget spinners? They really help you concentrate!

Score: 243

Did you hear about the bombing at the garment factory? Apparently there were over 100 casual tees.

Score: 209

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike? Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.

[just made this up \^_\^]

Score: 196

Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning? His entire wife flashed before his eyes.

Score: 171

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor? It was just a stage he was going through.

Score: 163

Dad : Did you hear about the kidnapping at school ? Son : No, what happened ?

Dad : It is ok he woke up.

Score: 151

Did you hear about the soldier that got pepper sprayed? He's a seasoned veteran now.

Score: 146

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much

Score: 143

New Did You Hear About Jokes

Did you hear about the Doctor who kept yelling at his clients? He lost his patients.

Score: 24

Did you hear about the country with the fastest growing capital? It's Ireland - every day it's Dublin.

Score: 52

Did you hear about Steve Harvey’s new job? Hawaii Emergency Management Agency.

Score: 24

Did you hear about the explosion at the French cheese factory? Da brie was everywhere

Score: 39

Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They’re gonna call it the ayePhone

Score: 60

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail? It broke mid-sentence.

Score: 27

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well? Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

Score: 35

Did you hear about two guys stole a calendar? **They each got 6 months.**

Score: 112

Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural.

Score: 41

Did you hear about the midget that got pick pocketed? I can't believe someone could stoop so low..

Score: 71

Did you hear about the lady who fell in love with a ginger ale salesman? [original!] She was Schwepped off her feet

Score: 69

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them

Score: 46

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit

Score: 113

Did you hear about the lady that got fired from the sperm bank? Drinking on the job.

Score: 75

Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.

Score: 109

Did you hear about the guy who froze to absolute zero? He's 0k now

Score: 63

Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it? It makes cents if you think about it.

Score: 56

Did you hear about the two guys that got caught stealing a calendar? They each got six months.

Score: 50

Did you hear about the giant who sneezed? it's all over town

Score: 37

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, but no atmosphere.

Score: 135

Did you hear about the man who became a millionaire with one homing pigeon? He sold it for a dollar and it came home a million times.

Score: 23

Did you hear about the guy that wanted everyone to think he wasn't alive? He was really deadicated.

Score: 25

Did you hear about the man who was taken off the organ transplant list? He was so disheartened

Score: 25

did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into the crocodile pit? he ate 6 crocs before they could pull him out.

Score: 58

Did you hear about the big toothpaste scandal? The media are calling it Colgate...

Score: 24

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, it woke up

Score: 24

Did you hear about that German barber? You know, Herr Kutz.

Score: 56

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who got fired? She couldn't keep her pupils straight

Score: 25

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to santa.

Score: 75

Did you hear about the can of coke that got run over? It was soda pressing

Score: 132

Hey did you hear about American healthcare? [removed]

Score: 109

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He was up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

Score: 30

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house? She didn't either.

Score: 33

Did you hear about the epileptic midget opening a pizza shop? It's called Little Seizures.

Score: 46

Did you hear about the stoner ghost? He got arrested for possession

Score: 94

Did you hear about the man born with 5 dicks? His pants fit like a glove.

Score: 48

Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded? Many soles were lost...

Score: 32

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie

Score: 53

Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team? He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.

Score: 37

Did you hear about Shiela the hungry 32 year old? She eight and eight and eight and eight

Score: 92

Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police? He's now a seasoned veteran.

Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

Score: 38

Did you hear about the blind guy who fell into a well? He couldn't see that well.

Score: 36

Did you hear about the blind man who got a cheese grater for his birthday? He said it was the most violent thing he's ever read.

Score: 58

Did you hear about the missionary who went to visit the cannibals? He gave them their first taste of Christianity.

Score: 68

Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired? They tested positive for coke.

Score: 97

Did you hear about the Native American who tried to break the world's record for drinking tea? They found him dead in his Tee Pee.

Score: 25

Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night? They found him dead the next day in his teepee

Score: 38

Did you hear about the Piano Teacher that slept with his student? She was A Minor.

Score: 27

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel prize? I heard he was outstanding in his field.

Score: 32

Did you hear about the woman who died in an Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

Score: 77

Did you hear about the guy with a fetish for public transportation? He got off at every stop.

Score: 50

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? He woke up.

Score: 34

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change colour? It had a reptile dysfunction.

Score: 65

Did you hear about the obese millionaire? He has a four chin.

Score: 43

Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? Apparently, it's making headlines.

Score: 42

Did you hear about the eskimo couple? One cold night, she broke it off!

Score: 33

So did you hear about the Angry composer? Apparently, he had a few scores to settle.

Score: 70

Did you hear about the Native American who drank 1000 glasses of tea? He drown in his tea pee.

Score: 33

Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? They say that he's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 65

Did you hear about the insane Mexican train saboteur? They say he had some real loco-motives.

(I know, it's pure genius, and totally original.)

Score: 27