Dishwasher Jokes

My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!

Remember back in the day, when your TV wouldn't work, you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming.

Put a load in the dishwasher earlier My wife prefers to call it intercourse

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel

Why does a bride wear white? So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

How to turn your dishwasher into a snowblower. Hand her a shovel!

Why do men want their brides to wear white? Because they want the dishwasher to match with the fridge.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Remarry

Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running?? Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog...

Why do men prefer white women? They want the dishwasher to match with their fridge

My dishwasher makes this loud rumbling sound... Strange thing is, it only seems to happen at night, when she's sleeping.

Why do women wear white wedding dresses? So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove

Why are wedding dresses white? So the dishwasher matches the fridge.

My girlfriend: "Did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?" Me: *sipping coffe from a vase*
"No, why?"

What do you call a defective dishwasher? A feminist

(I do not mean offence, it is just a joke)

What's the difference between a woman and a dishwasher? I know how to turn on a dishwasher.

I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today. Her funeral will be this saturday.

Finished putting a load in the dishwasher when I thought to myself.. She’s on the pill right?

my dishwasher stopped working.. i heard sometimes you just have to give em a good kick, and they'll start right up again

so i tried that, then she dumped me

Today a waitress got her finger stuck in the dishwasher We had to fire both of them.

How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

Over a year ago, I left a full load in my friends dishwasher when I stayed at his home. Lucky me, he’s the father.

Getting married is like buying a dishwasher You'll never need to do it by hand again

My dishwasher broke down and stopped working So I remarried

I've got a dishwasher that's still going strong after 37 years. She does nag a bit though.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You break up with her

Great news, I've got a new dishwasher! Well, the wedding is in 2 months.

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke. How do you know when it's time to get a new Dishwasher?

When she cheats on you.

...

^(That makes it okay, right?)

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow remover? Give her a shovel...

One of the dumbest things you can buy online is a dishwasher Sometimes they forget to poke holes in the box and she's dead when she arrives

My mom comes up to me and says "I'm can do a magic trick" I go, "Really? What's you magic trick?"

and my mom says she can turn a dishwasher into a snow blower.

"I can't wait to see this!" I said

So she hands me a shovel.

I needed to clean my FleshLight, i heard they were dishwasher safe. But that would Just ruin the load.

Why do bride's wear white? To match the fridge and dishwasher.

I turned my dishwasher into a snowblower... ...gave my wife a shovel

What do you do when the dishwasher stops working? You punch her

My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money. I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.

My dishwasher is acting weird Its chopping vegetables too