Hilarious Door Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Door Jokes

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Score: 20851

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

Score: 20568

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked… I’m not sure what freaked him out more – my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 16281

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn" Stupid firemen

Score: 16237

My son came home as I was taking his door off it’s hinges and asked “Dad what are you doing?” “We’ve updated our privacy policy”

Score: 15909

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!" Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

Score: 14472

I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning... ...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 13956

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

Score: 8816

A wife is yelling at her husband "Get out of the house! I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

The guy says: "So hang on a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 3085

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact I knew where he lived...

Score: 2969

Bought a dog from a blacksmith today... Within 10 minutes of getting home, he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 2912

Score: 2324

When one door closes... An incognito window opens.

Score: 2248

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

Score: 1986

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard. Personally I’m on the fence.

Score: 1960

"When one door closes another door opens" he said "That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."

Score: 1945

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

Score: 1908

I held a door for an elderly Japanese man. He said "Sank you."

Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?

Score: 1688

When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

Score: 1654

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked... Not sure what scared him more; my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 1634

My wife got so mad at me My wife got so mad at me she packed my bags and told me to get out. As I walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

Score: 1541

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be “saved” or else you’ll “burn” Stupid firemen

Score: 1533

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"

Score: 1464

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 am... 3 am can you believe this?
Lucky him that I was awake playing drums.

Score: 1440

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Score: 1343

My son came home as I was taking his bedroom door off the hinges he asked "Dad, what are you doing?"

"We've updated our privacy policy"

Score: 1295

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am...Can you believe that, 2:30am!? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes

Score: 1256

I bought a dog from a blacksmith as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 1252

I was banging this nice lady... I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking
back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every
day.

Score: 1169

Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 1076

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you". I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

Score: 958

My girlfriend told me she's leaving me because I'm too cocky. I told her to close the door on her way back in.

Score: 760

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

Score: 726

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door"

Score: 657

My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is I told him, "My door is always open".

Score: 507

I don't always beat my girlfriend, but when I do... it's to the door to open it for her.

Score: 464

The kid next door challenged me to a water fight. I thought I'd post this while the water boils.

Score: 451

A man knocked on my door asking for a donation towards a new public swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 394

So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house... "I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 380

A guy meets his buddy at the bar. He says, "I don't want to brag, but when I walked in, those two girls by the door looked at me, then both said to each other, 'nine' ". His buddy said, "Really? When I walked in, they were speaking German!"

Score: 371

New Door Jokes

I knew I shouldn't have taken my dog to the blacksmith As soon as we got there, he made a bolt for the door

Score: 62

I thought opening the door for a lady is a polite thing to do... But she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

Score: 24

Bad experience buying a dog from a Blacksmith as soon as i got him home he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 118

I bought a dog from a blacksmith I know he was from a blacksmith because as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

Score: 31

I got fired today. My boss told me “when you come to work you leave your problems at the door”. I told him to stand outside.

Score: 37

I didn't go to college, I went to the 'School of Hard Knocks'. Because I wanted to get a job as a door-to-door hearing aid salesman.

Score: 51

A blind guy rang my door bell... When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

Score: 164

Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow. "What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

Score: 30

“When one door closes, another one opens,” he said. “That’s all well and good,” I said, “But until you fix it, I’m not buying the car.”

Score: 77

A clown held the door for me today. I thought it was a nice jester.

Score: 67

How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism? Withkey.

Score: 33

A clown held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice jester.

Score: 76

A Russian spy, a Klansman, and televangelist walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry. Republican Convention is next door."

Score: 105

A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night... He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.

"Drunk again?!" she asks.

He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."

Score: 104

My neighbour knocked on my door at 3 in the morning. Can you believe that, 3AM?!
Luckily for him, I was still up playing my electric guitar.

Score: 121

My New Dog I bought a dog from a blacksmith today...

...As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 123

I scared my mailman by showing up at the door completely naked I'm not sure what scared him more; me being naked or me knowing where he lives.

Score: 240

What did Tyrion call the passage he built to smuggle whores into Casterly Rock? Hoe-door.

Score: 24

I held the door open for a Japanese guy today He said, "sank you", so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he would bring up Pearl Harbor like that.

Score: 132

What do you call the horse and sheep who live next door? Your neigh-baas

Score: 33

I held a door open for an Asian guy and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

Score: 44

My wife opened the car door for me today. Would have been a good gesture if only we were not going 75MPH.

Score: 144

My mum said she didn't want me home later than 12. So at 12:01 I opened the front door and went outside.

Score: 66

I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got home he made a bolt for the door.

Score: 233

There is a basin knocking on the door. Let that sink in.

Score: 39

I'm not saying it's hot in my house... ...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

Score: 40

I just bought a dog from the town blacksmith When I took it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Score: 104

my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door

Score: 189

A clown held open a door for me today. I thought it was a nice jester.

Score: 160

They say 1 in 12 people live next door to a paedophile I don't, I live next door to 2 stunning 12 year olds

Score: 128

I thought opening a door for a woman was polite But she just screamed and flew out of the plane

Score: 297

"When a man opens a car door for his wife... it's either a new car or a new wife."

Prince Philip quote

Score: 26

Women are so ungrateful these days. I try and hold the door for them but all they do is scream and tell me to get out of the bathroom.

Score: 121

What does a nuclear scientist write on their door when they go off work? Gone fission.

Score: 27

Anytime a man holds the car door open for a woman, one thing is for sure, either the car is new, or the woman.

Score: 60

I was trying to be a gentleman And hold the door open for ladies.
But they kept screaming " get out, I'm peeing in here!"

Score: 115

My girlfriend hung a note on the fridge... ...which said: "I can't do it, it's not working anymore."

Door could be opened. Light is fully functional. Beer is cold.

I got no clue what she was talking about

Score: 24

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 AM. Unbelievable, 2 AM! Luckily I was still up practicing with my band.

Score: 215

My wife said she was leaving me today because he couldn't handle my OCD any more… I said, "Close the door 5 times on your way out."

Score: 117

Today somebody knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 41

Son: Hey Dad, theres some guy collecting for the old folks home at the door Dad: Great! Give him Granny!

Score: 30

I had a job selling security alarms door to door and I was really good at it. If no one was home I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Score: 274

I greeted the mailman at the door naked He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

Edit: a word

Score: 228

Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

Score: 292

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me My parents can be real jerks sometimes.

Score: 334

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked i scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked. im not sure what scared him more, the fact that i was naked, or that i knew where he lived

Score: 30

Preston: Knock Knock! Mom: Who's There

Preston: Preston.

Mom: Preston who?

Preston let out a disheartening sigh as he walked away from the door, knowing his mother's Alzheimer's was getting worse.

Score: 75

Yesterday a clown held the door open for me I thought it was a nice jester

Score: 121

The kids next door just challenged me to a water fight. So I'd thought I'd post this while I wait for the kettle to boil.

Score: 34

I freaked out my mailman today I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, my naked body, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Score: 108

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Score: 146

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

Score: 122

The lesbians next door asked me what I wanted for my birthday... I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them but I think they misunderstood me when I said:
"I wanna watch"

Score: 26

A cop just knocked on my front door. He told me my dog was chasing someone on a bike.

Told the cop it wasn't my dog, he doesnt even own a bike.

Score: 164

Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 73

I walked into my glass door today Oh the pane...

Score: 30

Oscar Pistorius wants a new bathroom door His girlfriend is dead against it.

Score: 265

I was walking by a car filled with bIack people and as I came near they locked the door. I felt like such a badass Then I realized that it was my car..

Score: 154

Apparently Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door... But his girlfriend was dead against it.

Score: 27

Last night a police officer knocked on my door and said "Sir, it looks like your mother in law has been hit by a bus" I replied " I know, but she has a great personality."

Score: 56