Hilarious Dream Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Dream Jokes

I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg

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Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city.. Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

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I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

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I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice. Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

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I wanted to major in reverse psychology. My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

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The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."

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Why do black people always have nightmares? Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

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Why don't black people dream? The last one who had a dream got shot.

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I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!

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The American dream: To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$

My dad told me this one

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I had a dream last night about an armored horse. It was a Knight mare.

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I had a dream last night that I had a Magnesium deficiency..... ...I was like 0mg

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A guy is having a beer with his wife says: You are my dream, my angel, my love. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you.
The wife says 'is that you talking or is it the beer'?
Husband says: It's me talking to the beer.

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I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King.

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What do JFK, John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common? Nothing. But a man can dream.

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"What do you dream of doing, kids?" Asked the teacher... Jimmy: "I want to be a pilot"

Amber: "I want to be a teacher"

Stacy: "I want to be a good mother"

James: "I want to help Stacy to be a mother"

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Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the one who had a dream.
Happy MLK day

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Had a dream i was a car. When i woke up, i was exausted.

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Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams... and its dream was to be a submarine.

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Why do black men have nightmares? We killed the only one who had a dream.

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Why does no other nation have the **American Dream**? Because the rest of the world is awake!

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I had a dream I was drowning in an ocean of orange soda. When I woke up I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

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Why do African Americans always have nightmares? Because the last one to have a dream got shot

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If you see a toilet in your dream, do not use it. It's a trap.

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I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.

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I spent all day bobbing up and down in the water It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

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I’m proud to announce my dream of being a criminal lawyer is halfway complete! I’m just working on the lawyer part right now.

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Why do black people always have nightmares Because we killed the only one that had a dream.

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Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."

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I had a dream last night about being a muffler I woke up exhausted

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The "American Dream" was discussed in class the other day... ... the professor turned to the German foreign exchange student and asked if they had anything like that in Germany to which he responded,

"We did, but nobody liked it."

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"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii... "You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

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I saw a new color in a dream last night. I think it was just a pigment of my imagination.

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Michael Jackson is the epitome of the American Dream Only in America could a poor, black boy become a rich, white woman

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Took my brother to the aquarium and threw him in the shark tank He came back out with a $500,000 investment

(I know this is absolutely not funny but it came to me in a dream)

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I said my dream was to become a comedian... Everyone just laughed at me.

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A man told his wife that he dreamt of a beautiful woman... His wife asks: "Was she alone in your dream?"

"Yes, she was. How did you know?" - The husband replies

The wife says: "Because her husband was in my dream"

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Just started a job that requires me to sew two people's anuses together Not a dream job, but it makes ends meet.

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New Dream Jokes

I told my wife I had a dream that in a previous life she was Chinese... ... She told me that was impossible because she has never been Wong.

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I had a very strange dream about the apocalypse when I went to the opticians On the plus side the doctor said I have 2020 visions

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I used to dream of starting my own e-cigarette company. That idea went up in vape.

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Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings books. My wife said I was Tolkien in my sleep.

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Had a dream about huge tomatoes chasing me I spent the whole time praying they won't ketchup to me

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Listening to the Rolling Stones seems to be influencing my subconsicous. I had a dream last night that I was piloting a plane,

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I plan to run power out to my barn. I’d like to have plumbing as well but that may just be a pipe dream.

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My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person. She said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”

I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

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My parents always told me that teamwork makes the dream work! I mean they’re divorced now but it worked for a while

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Had a dream about a muffler last night.... I woke up exhausted.

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Last night I had a really bizarre dream that someone was crawling on me in my sleep Maybe I was just feeling a little Spacey

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My friend got mad at me because I had a wet dream when I stayed at his house... it was a daydream.

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I had a dream last night about a nocturnal horse. It was a nightmare.

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I had a dream last night I invented Lord of the Rings. I was Tolkien in my sleep.

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I had a dream about a billboard I can’t remember what it said but I’m sure it’s a sign.

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Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

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If you put your mind to it you can make any dream a reality. And that, officers, is why I am in this classroom naked.

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"THE DREAM OF JEWELRY " Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."

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A man suffering from Alzheimer's leaves a bakery... ...and as he walks out the door the baker yells 'You forgotch'ya focaccia!'

(came from a dream i had. the GF insists its terrible but ill keep using it when i introduce it to her friends)

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I woke up this morning and told my wife that I had a dream I was trying to call her but she never answered... She said "Sorry, I must have been awake."

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If I was to ever fulfil my life-long dream and become an astronaut I'd be over the moon!

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Ideal dream: make love not money Reality: No money, no honey.

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Post-WW2 Soviet joke \- Who is your mother?

\- Our great Soviet state!

\- Who is your father?

\- Our dear comrade Stalin!

\- What's your dream?

\- Becoming an orphan!

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I once had a dream that I was ugly and had no chance of getting a girlfriend, I still haven't woken up!

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I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream ...by blowing up a school teacher.

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I went to the doctor because of a dream Me: I keep having this dream were beautiful women run towards me

Doctor: So what's the problem

Me: I keep waking up

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I have a recurring wet dream about Theresa May Where I'm drowning her in the Thames.

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A man commented to his lunch companion A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

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I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda I guess you could say it was a Fanta-sea

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A clownfish swims into an underwater ocean bar. If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for almost 10 years now. We're trying a new technique. We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope we're getting through.

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Dream Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

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When my father was younger, he wanted to be a pilot too bad his dream never got off the ground,

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I don't think its feasible to have 100% renewable energy It's just a Pipe dream.

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I had a dream that I ordered a package and it never came... ...It was a logistical nightmare.

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I had a dream last night that I was a car muffler I woke up exhausted.

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Pigment Dreams If you dream in color that color is a pigment of your imagination>

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There once was a man who was only a head. Everyday he wished for a body until one day his dream came true. He was so happy he ran from his house and got hit by a bus and died. What's the moral of the story? Quit while you're a head

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You gotta love your job.... My dream job is cleaning mirrors, that's a job I can see myself doing

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I had a dream I was dreaming... Woke up to find I wasn't dreaming.

This may be bad but at least you're happy with your life.

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I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair I'll call it Plum and Plumber

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If Moonlight is Best Picture, what is La La Land? The Fools Who Dream

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What is a terrorist's dream car? 911

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I had a scary dream about a horse last night Man what a nightmare

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I had a dream last night that I was reading Lord of the Rings to people. Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep.

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I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio from Inception. He has a dream job.

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I saw a BMW driver using their turning signal! But then I woke up from my dream.

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What do you call it when you dream about getting married? Bed wedding.

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Why do black people only have nightmares? We shot the only one with a dream.

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I dowloaded the song "Runnin' down a dream" illegally from the internet... I got charged with Petty theft.

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Said this joke in a dream and I woke up laughing. What's the cure for baseball?

Alzheimer's.

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Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior? They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

- this came to me in a dream... maybe it should have stayed there? *shrugs*

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What does the KKK member dream of during the holidays? A White Christmas.

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Martin Luther King woke up in a sweat... He had the scariest dream ever.

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So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.

*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here

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So my black friend told me that he had a dream..... Black friend: I have a dream and want to persue it.
Me: It would be better if you don't pursue it.
Black friend: Why do you say that?
Me: Because the last black guy who had a dream, got shot in a motel.

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What do you call it when you see a smart blonde A dream

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Why don't black people dream? Because the last black person who had a dream got shot.

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I want to take my dream girl on a traction engine ride Things will get steamy pretty quickly.

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Why are all black people scared of sleeping? 'Cause one had a dream, and he died.

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I made a dream diary too keep track of my weird dreams Too bad the pages are all stuck together

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