Hilarious Foot Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Foot Jokes

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Edit: Sorry.

Score: 35246

What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself? Your ear listening for foot steps.

Score: 6138

I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me. She was lack-toes intolerant.

Score: 3321

Build the wall Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 2829

Score: 1603

why don't foot fetishists ever win anything? because they like the taste of defeat.

i'm not even sorry.

Score: 1408

At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot

Score: 1051

Quantum entanglement is not hard to understand: Socks come in pairs. If you put a sock on your left foot, the other sock of the pair instantly becomes the “right sock,” no matter where it is located in the universe.

Score: 820

Why do foot fetishists never win? Because they like the taste of defeat.

Score: 605

When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.

Score: 498

If a man with a foot fetish cheats on his wife... Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?

Score: 493

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.

I'm so sorry.

Score: 403

Why are people with foot fetishes always losers? They love the smell of defeat.

Score: 380

My brother told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Score: 344

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick... "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

Score: 344

So this guy at college keeps calling me a flamingo one of these days I'm going to put my foot down.

Score: 325

When my wife told me to stop imitating flamingos, I had to put my foot down

Score: 302

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 301

I don't mind following rules at work, but when my boss told me to stop impersonating flamingos... I had to put my foot down.

Score: 270

I haven’t worked out since... I haven’t worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.

That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.

Score: 253

I broke up with my girlfriend after she told me that she has foot fetish. I prefer metric system.

Score: 240

What's made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze? A Shoe.

Score: 235

Why Americans don’t use metric? Foot fetish

Score: 222

My wife told me I'm not allowed to impersonate a flamingo anymore... I had to put my foot down

Score: 202

I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's foot fetish. Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister.. I got off on the wrong foot.

Score: 168

If someone with a toe fetish cheats on you Does that mean they got off on the wrong foot?

Score: 165

What did the biologist's sister say to her sister after she dropped a beaker on her foot... Mitosis

Score: 163

I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane. Until he hit the ground.

Score: 154

Why are people with foot fetishes always losers? Because they love the smell of defeat!

Score: 153

My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo So I had to put my foot down

Score: 151

If a man with a foot fetish cheats on his wife… Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?

Score: 143

Why don't foot fetishists ever win anything? because they like the taste of defeat.

Score: 141

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo So I had to put my foot down.

Score: 113

Buzz Aldrin was the second man to step foot on the moon. Neil before him. Neil.

Score: 105

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo So i had to put my foot down.

Score: 80

My kid grew a foot in the last month. Anyone know where I can buy shoes in sets of three?

Score: 43

In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg... That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

Score: 37

My girlfriend told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo That's when I had to put my foot down

Score: 35

Why don't people with foot fetishes mind being on the losing side of a battle? They like the taste of defeat

Score: 34

what did the biologist say to his sister when she dropped a flask on his foot? Mitosis

Score: 32

New Foot Jokes

Why do people with a foot fetish always lose? They like to taste dafeet

Score: 8

My friends always say not to touch crazy girls with a ten foot pole. Well that’s okay because mine is only like 4.5 inches.

Score: 4

I do a great flamingo impression... I do a great flamingo impression, but my wife hates it! Every time I do it, she complains and tells me to cut it out. Eventually I just had to put my foot down.

Score: 14

When people tell me to stop acting like a flamingo... ...that’s when I put my foot down.

Score: 15

What do you call a 4 foot 1 preacher? A MINIster

Score: 12

I found out one of my friend is missing all his toes on his right foot I had to end the friendship because I’m lack-toes intolerant

Score: 5

I had a date with a six foot, eight inch drag queen I found on Craigslist. Boy was I disappointed when I discovered he was 6’8”

Score: 10

When my mother told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.

Score: 17

My wife told me I couldn’t act like a flamingo any more... I had to put my foot down

Score: 12

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

Score: 16

Why do guys with foot fetishes have so many friends? Because they always get off on the right foot.

Score: 8

A dinner guest made a joke about my cats prosthetic foot. Major faux paw.

Score: 5

A wizard steps on someone's foot and says Oh my gosh I am sorcery

Score: 5

Why can't your nose be 12" long? Because then it would be a foot.

Score: 8

What is mitosis? It's what you say when your sister steps on your foot.

Score: 12

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Score: 19

If you have an obsession for the Imperical System... ...we could say you have a foot fetish

Score: 8

Kid says Mommy! Mommy! I don't want to keep going I circles. Mom says shut up or I will nail your other foot to the floor.

Score: 12

TIFU by kicking my computer monitor... and my foot still hertz.

Score: 4

I fell off a 20 foot ladder yesterday... Luckily I was just on the first rung.

Score: 20

I fell off a 50 foot ladder today... Thankfully I was only on the first step!

Score: 7

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot. It caused immense pain to ma toes.

Score: 9

I hurt my foot driving the other day . so I called the toe company

Score: 4

Yesterday, I saw a guy harassing a diabetic who recently had parts of his foot amputated. I guess the first guy was lack toes intolerant.

Score: 11

Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ? they're always a little smaller than they say.

Score: 6

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

Score: 6

If an athlete can get athlete's foot, what can an astronaut get? I have no idea.. my 6th grade teacher asked us this and never told us the answer and it's been haunting me for 30 years. Any guesses?

Score: 4

I wore a pink t-shirt out the other night and my girlfriend said I looked like a Flamingo.. So I had to put my foot down.

Score: 28

How do you make a dead baby float? You take your foot off its head.

Score: 5

Never stare at a dog with a prosthetic foot... ...it's a faux paw.

Score: 12

My son grew a foot in the last 3 months. Anybody know where I can find shoes in sets of 3?

Score: 20

What did the cell say to its sister when she stepped on its foot? Ouch! My toe, sis!

Score: 5

I recently told my blonde friend that my grandfather kicked the bucket the other day. She asked, "Is his foot okay?"

Score: 6

Why are people with a foot fetish losers? They love the smell of defeat.

Score: 12

I fell off the top rung of a 30 foot ladder today... ... fortunately I was using it upside down.

Score: 4

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot during cell division? Ouch, mitosis!

Score: 4

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo So I put my foot down

Score: 12

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get? Tic tac toe.

Score: 4

I just fell off a 60 foot ladder! Luckily, I was on the first step.

Score: 4

Why can't a nose be 12 inch long ? Because it would be a foot

Score: 18

What do you call a four foot tall mind-reader who escaped from jail? A small medium at large.

Score: 9

What do you call a foot fetish? A feetish

Score: 3

I'm going to be opening a store that sells cow print socks One for your left foot, one for the udder

Score: 3

My friends have been meddling in my business a lot, and it's annoying. Today, one told me to stop acting like a flamingo. That's when I put my foot down.

Score: 4

We get it Mr. Trump, you have bulletproof shoes. ....That doesn't mean you should keep shooting yourself in the foot.

Score: 23

What did one foot say to the other? I love shoe.

Score: 11

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo... That's where I put my foot down.

Score: 8

Bio joke What did the cell say to his sister when she stepped on his foot?

Mitosis.

Score: 12

A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.

Score: 7

I heard a knock at the door the other day and when I answered it there was a 6 foot beetle standing there that just punched me straight in the face. Apparently there's a nasty bug going around.

Score: 8

A man asks out a woman... Him: "If you don't say yes I'm going to jump off that 500 foot cliff over there."

Her: "I call that a bluff."

Score: 12

My aunt lost a foot when someone dropped a bowling ball on her Does she walk with a limp?

No, she's just a bit shorter.

Score: 5

Why can't noses be 12 unches long? Because then it'd be a foot!

Score: 3

How did the Redgaurd break her foot? She was smithing and the Hammerfell!

Score: 15

My friends told me to stop being a flamingo I decided to put my foot down!

Score: 12

Why do Democrats push for more gun control? Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Score: 4

Why is my hand 11 inches long? Because if it were any longer it would be a foot!

Score: 8

The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded "because your mom said you grew a foot."

Score: 20

My wife says it's time I stop pretending to be The Karate Kid. I had to put my foot down.

Score: 6

When my friends told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo... I had to put my foot down.

Score: 17