Hilarious Gas Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Gas Jokes

Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"

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Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00.. Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..

Riceless

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My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war. He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 10674

Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…

Riceless

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What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran

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Why did Bill Barr gas protestors? So the chicken could cross the road

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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

Score: 2241

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he? A seasoned veteran.

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What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.

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Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

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I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me... He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

Score: 1029

I got gas for $1.39 today. Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

Score: 779

Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

Score: 746

I got gas today for $1.39 Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.

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"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?" "Because its a gas planet son"

Score: 446

What happens when you eat beans with onions? Tear gas!

(Written by my 9 yr old son)

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There are four states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.

Score: 394

Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

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There are five states of matter. 1. Solid
2. Liquid
3. Gas
4. Plasma
5. Black Lives

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I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job. He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable.

Score: 338

I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray. He was a seasoned veteran.

Score: 327

Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25. Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless

Score: 296

Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas, or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. It was an ether/oar situation

Score: 277

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks? A seasoned veteran.

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Chinese takeout $25.00... Gas to pick it up $5.00... Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers... Riceless

Score: 263

If a king farts... Is it considered a noble gas?

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What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran.

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There was a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's now a seasoned veteran.

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What gave Hitler a heart attack? Seeing his gas bill

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If there is earth on planet Earth, why aren't there Jews on Jupiter? Because it's a gas planet.

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What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta? A Ford Focus.

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A soldier survived mustard gas one day, and was pepper sprayed the next. He was a seasoned veteran.

Score: 138

I met a Soldier that survived Mustard Gas and Pepper spray He was a seasoned Veteran

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During the war, my Grandad faced pepper spray and mustard gas. He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 121

Why did Hitler lose his drivers licence? He was too hard on the gas

Score: 119

There's actually a 5th new state of matter 1. Liquid
2. Solid
3. Gas
4. Plasma
5. Black lives

Score: 118

Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

Score: 87

I got gas today for $1.49. I couldn't believe it was that cheap. Then again, I don't know what else I expected going to Taco Bell.

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I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. Crazy conversations, he was definitely a seasoned veteran.

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New Gas Jokes

I got gas for $1.69 the other day From taco bell

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I got gas for $0.99! Too bad it was at Taco Bell

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A soldier once got attacked by pepper spray and mustered gas He became a seasoned veteran..........Sorry

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by police. He’s now a seasoned veteran

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My grandad is a soldier and has survived pepper spray and mustard gas He's a seasoned veteran.

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When I eat a bunch of a foreign food my gas smells different, it's like farting in another language

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"How much longer are we going to have endure this erupting volcano full of hot air and gas" asked the Hawaiian "I don't know, but turn off Twitter for a short term solution"

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Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell? Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.

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What did Hitler name the Gas planet he discovered during World War 2. Jewpiter

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What do you get if you mix laughing gas and helium? He He He

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Today I farted in my wallet Now I finally have gas money

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Hey dad, why are they no jews on jupiter? Because its a gas planet son

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A chemist and a pirate were sitting at a bar The chemist asked the pirate what his favorite rare gas was, to which the pirate replied, "Arrrgon".

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What do you get if you eat onions and refried beans? Tear Gas

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What do you call it when a clown farts? Laughing gas

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's a seasoned veteran.

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The first three states of matter are liquid, solid, and gas. What are four and five? Nine.

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An old lady was smoking and pumping gas... Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

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Student: Is it true you made a car that only runs on gas?!? Professor: Yes, I Madagascar.

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What's the difference between a seagull and a pelican? You can't sea a pelican.

Note: I'm actually on laughing gas rn btw.

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John goes to the gas station John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.

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My car loves going to the gas station It really gets him pumped up

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What's the similarity between the moon landings and the holocaust? They both use a lot of gas to send people far away

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Told my boss I wanted a pay raise, 3 other companies are after me! He said "Oh yeah, which ones?"

I told him "the gas and electric company, the phone company and the credit card company"

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The military man survived mustard gas and pepper spray He's a seasoned veteran

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A soldier Survived mustard gas in the battle , and then the pepper spray by the police. He is now a seasoned veteran.

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My time machine landed right in the middle of Hitler's living room I thought to myself, now's my chance to make the world a better place

"Please sir," I pleaded, "Don't gas the Jews."

"Gas the Jews?" Hitler replied, "Hmm, I hadn't thought of that."

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Do you know about the soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 35

What do you get when you mix beans and onions? Tear gas

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What do you call it when a gas turns into a liquid? Sharting

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What's Harvey Price's favourite gas? Carbon Mongoxide

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Did you hear about the soldier who survived a mustard gas attack and got pepper sprayed? He is a real seasoned veteran.

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I hate telling noble gas jokes..... ....there's never a reaction.

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I say a soldier who survives a mustard gas and a pepper spray attack must be a seasoned veteran.

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Help! I'm stuck in this gas chamber. If I don't get out now I'll die from all this oxygen and nitrogen in 70 years!

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If your girl complains that you never take her anywhere expensive Take her to the gas station.

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My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

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Why did hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill

Yea, yea I know....it was almost funny in 1945....I'll see myself out.

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If I was an element on the Periodic Table... ...I'd be a noble gas. I don't form bonds easily, if at all.

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Today I went to a gas station and switched the Regular, Plus, and Premium buttons on all the pumps... April Fuels!

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Man, black Jews must've had it rough... They had to sit in the back of the gas chamber.

(I'm so sorry)

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Don’t send a noble gas as a make-up present. They change nothing.

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The Trump administration is just like NASA's Juno spacecraft both orbit around gas giants

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What did they call the man that survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran

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Want to know the real reason Hitler committed suicide? He got the gas bill.

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Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

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I know how it feels to be a noble gas. No one wants to bond with me.

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Dad joke [OC] *My dad with a coffee at the gas station cash register:*

Cashier: any gas with that?

Dad: no thanks, I drink mine black

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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then peppery spray by the police... he is now a seasoned veteran

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How many astronauts have probed Uranus? Zero... there's too much gas.

THANK YOU ALL AND GOODNIGHT!

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After years in the Military After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran.

Score: 42

if the gas station is 2 miles away.. ..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?

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I bet ninjas have the worst gas... ...because they're silent but deadly.

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Hitler had a half-deaf secretary..... Hitler is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"

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Did you hear about the solider that survived a mustard gas attack and a pepper spray attack? He's now a seasoned veteran.

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I met a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray... He's a seasoned veteran.

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Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? He's a seasoned veteran.

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Why are no jews on Jupiter. Cause it is a gas planet.

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Did you hear about the man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray? They say that he's a seasoned veteran.

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The soldier survived pepper spray and mustard gas He is now a seasoned veteran.

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