Getting Married Jokes

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyoncè

Dad, I’m getting married! Dad: Say sorry.
Son: Why?
Dad: Just say sorry.
Son: I haven’t done anything wrong!
Dad: Say sorry.
Son: Okay, okay! I’m sorry!
Dad: You’re ready.

Getting married is great. But, before you do it, there are some things you have to consider. On one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.

I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.

I’ve fallen in love with a pencil and we’re getting married. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Why did the hitman have such a hard time getting married? No witnesses.

A hurricane is a lot like getting married... Starts with a lot of blowing, then you lose your house.

If any of you are thinking of getting married, please consider this carefully On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don’t.

What is the phobia of "getting married" called? Common sense.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

So I heard Charles Manson is getting married.. Yeah, I didn't think life in prison was a strong enough punishment either.

Getting married next week I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married? Anteloping.

My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.

A husband and wife are getting married.... Minister: And now your wedding vows

Groom: A E I O U

Bride: Omg do u ever take anything seriously?

Groom: sometimes....why?

I'm getting married to my pencil, I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

A Scottish guy announced to his mate that he was getting married... I'll write this down phonetically, so use your best Scottish accent:

"Ahm gettin married next week."

"Are ye wearin a kilt?"

"Aye, ahm weerin a kilt."

"Wha's the tartin?"

"She's in a whit dress."

Getting married is like buying a dishwasher You'll never need to do it by hand again

My Grandmaster Friend is getting married to his Slav girlfriend tomorrow He found his Czech mate

There are pros and cons to getting married... On one hand you get to wear a ring, on the other hand, you don't.

If any of you here are thinking about getting married, consider the following On the one hand, you get to wear a cool ring

On the other hand, you don’t

Getting an STD is like downloading a virus... ...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.

What is the first thing stoners do after getting married? Roll their money into joint accounts.

A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute... The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"

He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch"

What's the best part about getting married when you're a hillbilly? You only have to send invitations to one family.

One of my biggest fears is getting married. I hear that 50% of all marriages... ...last forever.

two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.

Read an article last week that said women aren’t getting married because there’s less “economically attractive” men... ...so we’ve finally reached equal pay.

Free Tickets to the US Open My buddy gave me two tickets to the US Open but I realized I am getting married that day. If anyone wants to take my place, the wedding is at St. Paul's Church and her name is Emily

As a long married man I always offer the same advice to young people getting married Don’t

Why did the melon have to ask permission before getting married? Because he cantaloupe.

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

Scottish Joke: After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt... "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

On my wedding day, I walked down the aisle with my back to the altar I really wasn't looking forward to getting married.

A good way to tell If someone is getting married for the third or fourth time... Their vows begin with, OK look...

Why do melons always ask their parents before getting married? Because they canteloupe.

After getting married the wife and I gradually stopped making public displays of affection... ... along with all other displays of affection.