Hilarious Hate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hate Jokes

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you that you need to be "saved" or else you'll "burn" Stupid firemen

Score: 16237

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them... I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Score: 15281

Chess is banned under Islam They hate that the queen moves freely.

Score: 13524

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say black paint You have to say, Leroy please paint that wall

Score: 11707

[At the scene of the murder] Cop 1: This seems racially motivated. Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

Score: 11429

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

Score: 10454

As the KKK are so full of hate, bigotry and want to rid America of others... Should we call them Vanilla Isis ?

Score: 10242

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.

Score: 9869

My least favorite color is purple. I hate it more than red and blue combined.

Score: 4933

Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago? I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

Score: 4514

I hate people who take drugs For example, border security.

Score: 4354

My psychologist told me: "Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them."

I have done so, but now I don't know what to do with the letters...

Score: 3236

A wife is yelling at her husband "Get out of the house! I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

The guy says: "So hang on a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 3085

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait

Score: 2704

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by... Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

Score: 2550

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.

Score: 2362

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Score: 2127

Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

Score: 2121

Why does Oedipus hate profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Score: 2099

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows... But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

Score: 2030

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee? 'Cause they hate the French press

Score: 1799

I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the free Internet points. Appreciate it. :)

Score: 1710

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

Score: 1669

Is it OK to hate certain races? Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.

Score: 1597

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be “saved” or else you’ll “burn” Stupid firemen

Score: 1533

I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat. I hate cops.

Score: 1479

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate? A small chest with no booty.

Score: 1314

I got voted “Least Likely To Succeed” by my high school class... I hate being a teacher...

Score: 1302

Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

Score: 1294

I hate people that take drugs.. Especially police and customs.

Score: 1239

I love eating babies and smiling but I hate punctuation

Score: 1045

My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......" My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???

Score: 980

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

Score: 869

I hate women who lie over the smallest things. My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I looked it up online and that's not even a real magazine. So I packed my bags and left her.

Score: 695

I hate breakups. Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me" "I just need some space" "We can still be cousins".

Score: 645

Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons

Score: 608

I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

Score: 503

Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert? Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.

Score: 491

So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house... "I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Score: 380

i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

Score: 277

New Hate Jokes

I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper and my roommate use it to roll his joint.... He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again

Score: 92

I wrote down the names of everyone I hate, and my roommate used that paper to roll his joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.

Score: 64

I really hate my job as a waiter But it puts food on the table

Score: 124

Hate when people ask me where I see my self in 3 years time. I dont have 2020 vision

Score: 172

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists? Because they make teeth straight and white.

Score: 39

I hate it when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years... It's not like I have 2020 vision.

Score: 49

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing in the next three years. Do I look like I have 2020 vision.

Score: 37

I'm really worried about my Parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.

Score: 105

I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong I mean, it's not rocket surgery

Score: 121

Is it ok to hate certain races? Because I can't stand doing 5ks.

Score: 43

Why do rappers hate Trump? Nothing rhymes with orange.

Score: 54

I like to stand in the corner at parties and blow on anyone who walks by. People hate it, but I’m a fan.

Score: 150

I hate all the political correctness these days, I can't even say "black paint" anymore. Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."

Score: 135

Why are there so many fat demons? Because they hate exorcising.

Score: 129

Why did everyone hate communism? I'd give it full Marx

Score: 97

I'm homophobic the same way in arachnophobic.. I don't hate spiders or homosexuals but id still scream if I seen one in the bath.

Score: 53

I hate Adolf Hitler! The man who shot that scum must be a saint!

Score: 55

I really hate men that says women belongs in the kitchen How are they then supposed to clean the rest of the house?

Score: 124

Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it? Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.

Score: 129

I'm have mixed feelings about abortion. On one hand, I love killing babies, on the other I hate giving women rights.

Score: 99

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Score: 160

I hate it when people mix up Your and You're. Their so stupid.

Score: 202

My therapist told me, "Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them." Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Score: 64

I hate Russian dolls.. So full of themself.

Score: 38

I seriously hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.

Score: 46

I hate meeting dads. That's why I only date black girls.

Score: 67

My wife has told me she wants a divorce because there's another man. I hate to lose her… …but I just love him more…

Score: 125

I hate when people talk about me behind my back They discussed me

Score: 72

Why do Aboriginals hate snow? Because it's white and on their land.

Score: 40

Is it okay to hate certain races? Because I hate the 10k, more of a 5k type of guy.

Score: 43

I hate when people confuse "you're" and "your" There all idiots

Score: 183

I really hate people who brag about their expensive stuff Sent from my iPhone 7 Plus

EDIT : had to manage as my MacBook Pro ran out of battery

Score: 65

I hate people who take drugs Mainly customs officers

Score: 232

I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

Score: 55

I hate friends who talk about me behind my back. They discussed me.

Score: 54

You know what I hate the most? People who answer their own questions.

Score: 36

I hate sidescrolling games on pc where you can only run to the right side It's d-pressing.

Score: 52

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist’s waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by… Most people hate it, but I’m a fan.

Score: 197

I hate people that need assurance. You know what I mean?

Score: 188

Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: Two guys were sitting in a bar, when one guy said to the other: "Don't you hate it when they repeat the title in the post?"

Edit: Wooow, first gold, and on my birthday too :D

Score: 249

Do you know what I hate? Inspirational quotes Because no matter what you read, only you can be the driving force behind your success.

Score: 39

Why do Russians always use lower case letters? Because they hate capitalizing.

Score: 54

My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

Score: 68

Why do blind people hate skydiving? Scares the dog.

Score: 42

Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South? They hate integration

Score: 64

do commies write everything in lower case? you know beacause they hate capitalism

Score: 57

I hate how you cant even say black paint anymore Now I have to say "Leroy can you please paint the fence?"

Score: 95

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

Score: 55

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal? The wall-rus.

Yes, I do hate myself.

Score: 84

I hate when people ask me what I'm going to be doing in 3 years Like come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision!

Score: 71

Why do the french hate League of Legends? They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

Score: 72

Why do Communists only write in lowercase? Because they hate Capitalism.

Score: 205

I hate people who talk about me behind my back... They discussed me.

Score: 125

I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.

Score: 148

I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision.

Score: 36

I like dating black girls because...... ...I hate meeting dads

Score: 48

Why do Native Americans hate snow? It's white and it's all over their land.

Score: 58

I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years time... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision.

Score: 57

Why do drug dealers hate prostitutes? Because prostitutes can wash their crack and sell it again.

Score: 51

worried about my parrot... (sorry if repost) I'm really worried about my parrot.

He keeps saying, "I can't go on. I hate my life..."

My room-mate's to selfish to notice. He's always crying.

Score: 49