Hilarious Houston Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Houston Jokes

Score: 1807

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Score: 1423

First woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."

Score: 1383

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

Score: 1161

First woman on the moon W: Houston, we have a problem

H: What is it?

W: Nevermind its nothing

H: What is the problem?

W: Nothing...

H: Tell us what the problem is!

W: NO!

Score: 456

A woman astronaut.. A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?
-Nothing...

Score: 440

The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston. "Houston, we have a problem."

*"What is it?"*

"Never mind."

*"What's the problem?"*

"It's nothing."

*"Please tell us."*

"I'm fine."

Score: 316

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? Haaaand eyeeeeeeeeeee

Score: 294

A Valentines Poem Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

Score: 244

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? Haaaaaaaaaand Eyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeee

Score: 219

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and my car? My car can hit 50

Score: 187

First woman on the moon: “Houston, we have a problem.”
What?
“Never mind”
What’s the problem?
“Nothing”
Please tell us?
“You know what the problem is.”

Score: 127

What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 4 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

Score: 109

What is Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAND EYEEEEEEE

Score: 106

What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAAAANNNNNDDD EYEEEEE

Score: 104

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYEE

Score: 99

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAAAAAAAND EYYEEEEEEEE

Score: 81

What is Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAAND EEEEEEEYYYYYYYEEEEE

Score: 76

What's six inches and not getting sucked today Whitney Houston's crackpipe

Score: 63

First Woman on the Moon: "Houston, we have a problem"

What?

"Never mind"

What's the problem?

"Nothing"

Please tell us

"I'm fine"

Score: 62

It’s ironic Whitney Houston did all those Pepsi endorsements Then over dosed on Coke

Score: 57

What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEYYYYYEEEEE!!!!!

Score: 55

Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober! Wow! Never thought it would happen

Score: 49

What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Score: 48

First woman in space "Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind"

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing"

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

"If you understand me at all, you would've known!"

Score: 46

What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Score: 46

What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND-EEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE

Score: 43

The first woman in space... "Houston, we have a problem."

What?

"Never mind."

What's the problem?

"Nothing."

Please tell us.

"I'm fine."

Score: 41

First women in space. "Houston, we have a problem."
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"Whats the problem?"
"Nothing."
"Please tell us."
"I'm fine."

Score: 41

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Score: 34

What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Score: 31

Astronauts release a photo of Hurricane Harvey... Astronauts released a photo of Hurricane Harvey as seen from the the International Space Station. They sent a short message along with the photograph; "Houston, you have a problem."

Score: 25

'Houston, we have a problem. What?

'Nothing.

What's the problem?

'Never-mind.

Please tell us.

'I'm fine.

*first woman on Mars*

Score: 22

How is Whitney Houston best coordinated? HAAAAAAAAAAAAND-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Score: 20

What is Whitney Houston's favorite coordination? HAND-EYYYYEEEEE-EEEE-IIIII!!!

Score: 19

Every bar in Houston right now.. ..is a dive bar.

Score: 17

Astronauts must be having a blast Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

Score: 16

I'm glad the Astros won the World Series The people of Houston have waded so long for this.

Score: 16

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of co-ordination? HAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDD EYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Score: 15

What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAND-EYYYEEEEEEIIIIIEEEEEE

Score: 14

New Houston Jokes

What are the Houston Texans favorite condiment? Deshaun mustard

Score: 2

What’s Kim Jong Un’s favourite sport team? Houston Rockets ...

Score: 4

What was Whitney Houston's (R.I.P.) favourite type of co-ordination? HAND-EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE!

Score: 1

Whitney Houston had quite the set of pipes on her. In fact she died clutching onto one of them.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida? It's Roe v. Wade

Score: 5

Whats the good thing about living in Houston? Property values are gonna be higher than Miami on Monday.

Score: 5

Teenagers in Houston can look forward to the used car sales in a few months. The market is going to be flooded.

Score: 2

Only in Houston is it considered appropriate to ask a stranger How many inches you got?

Score: 3

What was Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND-EYEEEE

Score: 3

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"

Score: 10

Anyone know the over/under on the Houston game? I heard it was about 5 feet.

Score: 3

Houston, Texas, is six feet underwater Unlike Whitney Houston, who is six feet underground.

Score: 2

Its a good time to buy property in Houston A lot of the mortgages are under water

**Had to re-post since I cant spell *Huston

Score: 1

I wanted to make a Houston joke a few days ago... but i didn't want to be flooded with all the notifications.

Score: 4

About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston >About 600 gators are now in the flood water in Houston

Apparently HIV-positive blood has leaked into said water

They're warning people not to go in the water because of the GatorAIDS

Score: 1

Debbie Did Dallas And then Harvey Did Houston.

Score: 2

What did the crew of the International Space Station say to Mission Control? Houston, you have a problem.

Score: 6

Why wouldn't you want to go to a bar in Houston? All of their drinks are watered down.

Score: 5

The last Houston to be submerged in water was Whitney and that didn’t end well.

Score: 2

Who hits Houston harder? Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

Score: 8

People in Houston are bringing some retro styles back. I heard high water pants are back in.

Score: 2

During today's press conference, someone asked the mayor of Houston about his opinion on Roe vs Wade. He said "Honestly, I don't care how people get back to their houses."

Score: 11

Houston, we have a problem. Title is the joke, the city of houston is currently experiencing a small problem... It's under water.

Score: 1

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? Haaaaannnnnddddeeeyyyyyyyyeeeee

Score: 5

Donald Trump just tweeted he will build a Moon base and be the first person to step foot on the Moon again. I can hear it now... Houston this is Tranquility base the Ego has landed

Score: 1

What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination? HAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEYEEEEEE

Score: 1

What kind of restaurant is most common in the airport in Houston? Asian takeout

Score: 1

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? Haaaaand eeeeeeeeeeeyyyeeeeee

Score: 1

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EEEEEEEEYYYYYYEEEEEEE!

Score: 10

First woman on mars. Houston we have a problem...OK what is it? If you don't know already I am not going to tell you. You wouldn't understand.

Score: 1

What is Whitney Houston's best kind of coordination? Hand EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE

Score: 4

What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYE

Score: 1

There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday... Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.

Score: 2

What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee

Score: 1

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEEE!

Score: 1

What was Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAND EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE.

Score: 11

Great joke I heard at a standup show in Houston this weekend. (Dark humor) Give a man a fish, and he you will feed him for the day.

Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.

Score: 1