Hilarious How Many Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest How Many Jokes

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair? Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

Score: 17182

I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl. It's 14.

Score: 16267

A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

Score: 15668

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a group activity?

Score: 11312

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

Score: 11288

Score: 11151

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end.

Score: 7437

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. Never split the party.

Score: 7057

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to start an electric chair? 13, but #9 will shock you!

Score: 6061

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don’t know, it’s never been done

Score: 3360

How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb? One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

Score: 3265

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

Edit: Wow this blew up. As a German, I didnt expect this.

Score: 2685

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to tell a joke? How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to tell a joke?

Score: 2598

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, because men can be feminists too.

Score: 2571

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.

Score: 2556

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

Score: 2487

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?

Score: 2143

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

Score: 2119

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

Score: 2032

how many screws hold together a lesbians bed? None it's all tongue and groove

Score: 2004

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

Score: 1876

King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege

king: Ok, round them up

Squire: 400 my liege

Score: 1856

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can't keep up!

Score: 1749

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.

Score: 1448

How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer.

EDIT: Slightly late, but:

10: one to change it, one to post about it for karma and eight to repost it a few months later.

Score: 1385

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, but it's gotta be more than three, because my basement's still dark...

Score: 1240

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

Score: 1207

How many blacks does it take to start a riot? -1

Score: 1139

How many germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, they're efficient and not very funny.

Score: 1119

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you.

Score: 1118

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

Score: 1006

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.

Score: 984

How many shots can an Irish man handle? about 10 rounds.

Edit: (Mayweather vs McGregor)

Score: 918

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, men can be feminists too

Score: 831

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with "Only with you babe..." I replied

"Awww, really?"

"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

Score: 764

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, because they are efficient and have no sense of humor.

Score: 762

I can count on one hand how many times I've been to Chernobyl. 8 times.

Score: 728

How many 'Nam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!

Score: 635

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, my basement is still dark.

Score: 608

How many pilots does it take to make good music? Apparently at least 22

Score: 575

New How Many Jokes

How many mulas till a solution? One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.

I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

Score: 31

Cowboy: How many cattle do we have here? 18..! Ranch owner: Round them up
Cowboy: Ok 20, then!

Score: 27

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None… He fell.

Score: 123

How many guacas in a guacamole 6.02x10^23

Score: 123

How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl scream Ten tickles

Score: 25

How many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns ? Nun.

Score: 24

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? Hey! Why does it have to be a group activity?

Score: 25

How many terrorist jokes are out there ? You will have to C-4 yourself.

Score: 69

How many cops does it take to push an inmate down the stairs? None, he fell

Score: 39

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark

Score: 34

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. His left ear, his right ear, and his final front-ear.

Score: 48

How many terrorists jokes are out there? You'll have to c-4 yourself.

Score: 199

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? Definitely more than 6, because my basement is still dark

Score: 48

How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? One. But it takes 10 episodes to do it.

Score: 47

How many hipsters does it take to fix a heater? None. They did it before it was cool.

Score: 132

How many Apples does it take to change a light bulb? Two

One to change the bulb

The other to sell the iBulb for $600 and claim it's "revolutionary"

Score: 44

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one.

But it takes a very long time, and the light bulb has to really want to change.

Score: 30

How many cops does it take to push a minority down the stairs? None, "He fell"

Score: 229

How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb? None.

Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.

Score: 160

How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!

Score: 159

How many LAPD officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They shoot the room for being black and beat up the bulb for being broke.

Score: 278

How many police officers does it take to replace a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.

Score: 26

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, they just hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Score: 45

How many Lowes would Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes? Who Knowes

Score: 539

How many Chinese kids does it take to make a leather jacket? Usually about 7, but maybe fewer if you fatten them up first.

Score: 33

I can count on one hand how many times I've been to Chernobyl. It's seven.

Score: 126

How many kids does it take with ADD to change a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?

Score: 198

How many Push-Ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them

Score: 25

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two; one to change the lightbulb and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

Score: 55

How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes? Ten issues.

Score: 29

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer is 50. One to change the lightbulb and 49 to say they can do better.

Score: 25

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously not 5 because my basement is still dark

Score: 58

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? No one knows. They've never tried.

Score: 29

How many men does it take to open a beer? None it should be open by the time she hands it to you.

Score: 50

Teacher asks: You have 12 apples and you give your friend 7, how many apples you have left? I answer: 12. I don't have any friends. (Crying internally)

Score: 25

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard? qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

Score: 521

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The glass ceiling lets enough light through.

Score: 44

How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry? 10 tickles

Score: 228

How many gears does a french tank have? 6, 1 forward and 5 reverse.

Score: 35

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just shoot the room for being black.

Score: 38

How many Dragonball Z character does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes three episodes.

Score: 53

How many divorced men does it take to change lightbulb? Who cares? They never get the house.

Score: 54

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would just tolerate the room for being black.

Score: 78

How many conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero. Why would you want to change things?

Score: 63

My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system. And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

Score: 29

How many anime characters does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.

Score: 60

How many emos like anagrams? Some.

Score: 41

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They are an efficient people with no time for humor.

Score: 33

I once asked a New Zealander how many girlfriends he's had. But he fell asleep while counting.

Score: 386

My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".

Score: 470

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? **One**

Germans are efficient & have no humor.

Score: 67

How many Dragon Ball Z episodes does it take to change a lightbulb? ***Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z***

Score: 80

How many cops does it take to push a Black person down the stairs? None. He *fell*....

Score: 32

How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out.

Score: 138

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

Score: 280

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? only one but it takes him 5 episodes.

Score: 37

A wife asks her husband "Honey, how many women have you slept with?" The husband replies, "Only you sweetie. I was awake for all the other ones "

Score: 511

How many binary programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? 011011110110111001100101

Score: 35

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb in my basement? Apparently not seven because it's still dark down there.

Score: 122

How many trains have I derailed in all my years as a train driver? It's hard to keep track.

Score: 92