Ikea Jokes

My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says “Welcome! Come in and make a seat.”

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in, make a seat."

What's the difference between IKEA and Theresa May? A cabinet designed by IKEA doesn't fall apart so easily.

Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea. He said: "who wrote this bullshit"

IKEA said if they catch me stealing anything else I'll be banned for life But that's a whisk I'm willing to take

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA... Avengers... Assemble

So I'm in Ikea.... ...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?"
and she says, "No, it's Swedish."

(edited to make more better)

So the “Wolf of Wall Street” has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand

I asked an Ikea assistant to get out of my way. He said, “You’re going to have to make me.”

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years but they’re having a really hard time… …putting their case together.

There is a mysterious crime spree going on at our local IKEA. The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.

Now that Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA, is dead... ... Do we have to buy our furniture from EA?

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago. Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

IKEA won't stop calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.

I went to one of those escape rooms and got out in only 3 hours It's called Ikea

I have a joke about Ikea but I can't put it together

Hey girl, are you from IKEA? 'Cause my wife and I are going to have a fight over you.

I assembled an IKEA keyboard it's amain ho many spare parts they ive you

What does Ikea and Hong Kong have in common? No peaceful assembly

Don't you love sitting on the sofa late at night with a glass of wine in your hand? Until the police come along and escort you out of IKEA.

IKEA won't stop calling me! Why can't they accept I only wanted one night stand

Double standards are not fair! When miley cirus gets naked and licks hammers its beautiful and artistic, but when I do it its weird, creepy and I get a life time ban from Ikea.

My school has become an academy; it's sponsored by IKEA. Lessons are ok, but morning assembly takes ages.

The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA.

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad passes away at 91. Wonder if he collapsed unexpectedly at home?

My doctor has just diagnosed me as having low blood pressure. He’s given me a prescription for two Ikea self-assembly wardrobes.

Why did Donald Trump go to Ikea? Because he was having trouble putting together his new cabinet.

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say? I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

I met a rude Australian once I asked him if he knew of a furniture store nearby. He said "Does it look like ikea?"

Why do hippies shop at Ikea? Because no trees were harmed in the making of their furniture.

What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen? Activates its shelf destruct sequence.

I'll see myself out...

One-night stand at first, but ended up happening again... I mean, they're just so cheap at Ikea, so I had to go back to get another.

I hate it when people tell me the're going to a Swedish furniture shop Does it look like Ikea?

My friend got crushed when a Billy bookcase fell on him in Ikea yesterday. He's decided not to sue though... He says it was a shelf inflicted injury.

Today I was naked checking myself out in the mirror and I thought to myself... "You know what, I'm probably going to get kicked out of Ikea pretty soon."

I've decided to call my wife Ikea from now on. Mainly because there's been no interest for 18 months.

Going into my kid's room is just like going to Ikea I go in to check things out and always come out with 6 cups, 2 plates and 4 towels.

A man is on his way back from IKEA, his wife phones him and says “are you bringing some dinner back?” He replies “Yes love, I’ve picked up a Swedish meatball selection, and ITS COMING HOME!”