Hilarious Jack Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Jack Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate the headphone jack.

Score: 7153

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

Edit: certainly didn't expect this to get so many votes or make it to the front page.

Score: 4596

Score: 2347

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse". Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Score: 1332

Give man a jacket and he'll be warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it and he'll never go outside again.

Score: 1253

Dear people who don’t write capital letters, We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Score: 926

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Score: 754

Layoffs The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

Score: 729

Jack and Jill work together in an office... Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

Score: 453

Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he masturbated before learning it? He was jack off all trades.

Score: 296

What does an iPhone 7 and The Titanic have in common? The end has no Jack.

Score: 285

I really wish I knew who kicked the jack under the car which I was working on.. .. the suspension is killing me.

Score: 239

Capitalization... Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Score: 186

Give a man a jacket and he will never be cold. Teach a man to jack it and he will never leave the house.

Score: 177

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne? Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Score: 173

The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Score: 169

My friend Jack claims to be able to talk to vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.

Score: 140

Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.

Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.

Score: 124

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o'lanterns by 113 jack o'lanterns? Pumpkin Pi.

Score: 115

I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.

Score: 108

What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common? There's no room for jack, on both of them

Score: 106

I got taken off a plane in handcuffs today. All I did was greet my friend Jack.

Score: 105

Why did Darth Maul jack off into a piece of fruit? Because the sith always comes in pears

Score: 104

Our family surname is “Daniels” So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

Score: 97

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi

Score: 93

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today, But he's here in spirit.

Score: 89

I'm on a plane and I see my friend Jack. Instinctively I say, "Hi Jack!"

Still don't understand why I was detained.

Score: 89

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes... ....That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

~ Jack Handey

Score: 81

What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home? Jack off

Score: 75

Why did Rose not buy the iPhone 7 Cause it didn't have a Jack

Score: 73

I got kicked off a plane today. All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.

Score: 61

I asked my friend who the antagonist of Borderlands is. Me: "If you tell me, i'll give you some alcohol for free"

Friend: "Alright then, hand some jack"

Score: 56

What's a alcoholic Jack asks his father "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" The dad says "You see those 4 trees over there, if you see eight it means your an alcoholic." the son replies with "But dad I only see two"

Score: 44

A lumber jack went into a forest.... Upon entering he found a tree and began his first swing when the tree suddenly shouted, “wait I’m a talking tree”
And the lumberjack grinned and said,
“And you will dialogue”

Score: 37

What does Titanic and the iPhone X have in common? Jack is dead.

Score: 37

I was on a plane and saw my freind jack So i shouted hi jack
Still dont know why i was detained

Score: 34

"Jack, you spend too much time on your walkie talkie, this relationship is over!" "This relationship is what? Over."

Score: 26

Capital letters The difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Score: 24

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne? Jack Daniels is still killing Native Americans.

Score: 20

For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern. She's our little pun-kin.

Score: 19

New Jack Jokes

If you jack off in a pot... ...does that make you Pansexual?

Score: 3

I hate that it's already no nut November I'm going to have to jack it a whole lot to keep my mind off of cashews...

Score: 6

My neighbour showed up at my party last night. Me: My friend Jack is coming as well btw

Them: The cannibal Jack or the Jack that can't spell?

Me \[checks my phone for Jack's text message: I can't wait to meat ur neighbours!\]: Yeah I'm not sure either.

Score: 5

You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

Score: 3

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Score: 10

Clear and concise writing can mean the difference between "I helped my uncle jack off a horse"... and "I spent my summer working on the family's husbandry ranch."

Score: 4

What do you get when you jack off a pig? Pulled pork.

Score: 3

I frequently help my uncle Jack off his horse He’s much to old to do it on his own

Score: 3

I helped Jack off a horse. Jack seriously needs to learn how to climb down a horse by himself.

Score: 14

Louis CK isn't all bad... He helped me change a flat tire and all I had to do was watch him jack it!

Score: 10

If your Uncle Jack needed help off of a horse... Would you help your Uncle Jack off?

Score: 4

If your fat uncle named jack falls over your dad. "Will you help your uncle jack off your dad ?"

Score: 5

What do Trump and a Jack-o-Lantern have in common? Both are hollow, orange, and need to be thrown out by early November.

Score: 7

Why didn’t the jack-o-lantern cross the road? He had no guts.

Score: 5

What does a toymaker do to pleasure himself? Jack in the box

Score: 3

How do you fix a broken Jack-o-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch, silly!

Score: 3

Jack the ripper walks into a Bar... and orders Isabella's Islay scotch. Bartender warns "It will cost you an arm and a leg".

Jack the ripper's reply:"its a deal"

Score: 5

What's orange, empty headed, and tries to be scary? A jack o'lantern!

Score: 7

I jack off so much They called it apprenticebating until I came along.

Score: 8

Jack, do you think I’m a bad mother? Mom, my name is Erik.

Score: 8

Every time I jack off, it makes me a little more of a hero. Just think how many little Hitlers could be in each batch.

Score: 4

What do you call a sociopathic Englishman with flatulence? Jack the Ripper

Score: 17

What do call a KKK member that steals your car right in front of you? Cracker Jack.

Score: 4

What is a pornstar's favorite article of clothing? A jack it

Score: 6

The sperm bank I visited yesterday had its own food court Unfortunately it was just a Jack in the Box

Score: 3

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne? Jack Daniels killed more indians than John Wayne.

Score: 9

My wife says I have a problem with alcohol abuse. I politely told her I don't. I managed to stay calm and kiss her goodnight even though I was getting so angry.

When she went to bed I punched my bottle of Jack Daniels.

Score: 6

If Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, Would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

Score: 4

I helped my uncle Jack off the horse. Man was that weird...

Score: 2

I met an old woman the other day who started telling me about her four sons. "Their names are Eeny, Meeny, Miny, and Jack."

"Jack?", I said. "Why not Moe?"

She just looked at me grumpily. "Cause I didn't want no Moe!"

Score: 2

What do you do when you see a nice coat that you really want to steal? You jack it!

Score: 2

If you think the name Jack Hiscock is bad You should feel even worse for his sister, Sharon.

Score: 2

Capitalization is the difference between Helping your uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

Score: 12

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels Because she says I'm a hard licker!

Score: 3

My son got sent home from school today.. My son got sent home from school today for letting a female student jack him off

Thats the third school this month.

I guess teaching might not be for him.

Score: 6

Army Movie Intro Speech... His name was Jack Parts.

He joined the army just like his old man.

He was now known as Private Parts.

Score: 2

Jack and Jill... Jack and Jill worked at the mill before the work did slack off.

The miller cried, "I can't decide whether to lay Jill or Jack off."

Score: 9

What does Captain Jack Sparrow do when he has back pain? Pilates of the Caribbean.

Score: 5

I help my friend Jack off a horse I mean I helped my friend, Jack, off a horse

Score: 4

My friend Jack flew in at the airport. Greeted him but then I was arrested. Apparently you're not allowed to say hijack at an airport.

Score: 2

Jack and his llama walked into a bar... They ordered a drink and had a good time.

Score: 2

I went to the local buy and sell to see if there were any cool old jack in the boxes. But nothing jumped out at me.

Score: 3

Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water,
Who knows what they did up there,
They came down with a daughter.

Edit: the -> they

Score: 4

I asked the bus driver I asked my bus driver if she would let me and my brother, Jack, off at the next stop.

Score: 6

The difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels... Jack Daniels is still killing indians.

Score: 3

Capital letters are make the difference A capital letter and a comma makes the difference between

'helping your uncle Jack, off a horse'

and

'helping your Uncle, jack off a horse'

Score: 2

How do all Jack and Jill satires end up? Downhill.

Score: 2

What do the final scene of titanic and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both could've fit the jack

Score: 4

Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please? Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Me: Jack
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.

Score: 11

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 the headphone jack

Score: 4

The iPhone 7 ad has a catchy song... Hit the road Jack

Score: 16

What did Apply say to the iPhone 7? Hit the road, Jack.

Score: 4

What's Tim Cook's new nickname? Jack The Ripper

Score: 3

What happened to the tree when the lumber jack hit on it? It got all sappy

Score: 2

Who's killed more natives than General Custer? Jack Daniels

Score: 3

If Jack helped you off a horse Would you help jack off a horse?

Score: 2

Mexican Word of the Day: Canoli I canoli jack off with one hand at a time.

Score: 2

Why does Jack Daniels come in a square bottle? So it doesn't roll around on the floor in your car

Score: 4

How do you steal something from a crazy person? You straight jack it.

Score: 8

Where do sperm go to die when you jack off? The sementary.

Score: 4