Hilarious Joe Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Joe Jokes

Oedipus joke Oedipus: Oracle, what’s going to happen to me?

Oracle: you’re going to kill your father and marry joe.

Oedipus: whose Joe?

Score: 8694

Genie: What is your first wish? joe: i want to be rich.

genie: granted. what is your second wish?

rich: i want lots of money.

Score: 2492

Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That’s not what I was talking about.

Score: 1830

A girl says to her mom, "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe". Mom says, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"

And the girl replies, "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."

Score: 1757

Mom I got a boyfriend! Daughter: Mom I got a new boyfriend, our neighbour Joe.

Mom: But he could be your father!

Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That's not what I was talking about...

Score: 1445

I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."

Score: 1396

Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries? Traitor Joe's

Score: 1149

A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?

Joe: I want to be rich.

Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

Score: 583

Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

Score: 563

I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down. They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.

Score: 526

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. "Joe, you know that's not going to help you," she said

"Oh it helps a lot," he replies. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

Score: 307

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is!

Score: 292

Score: 205

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020 Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....

I'm sorry

Score: 146

What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning? Grab a cup of joe.

Score: 144

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?”

“Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”

Score: 133

Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook.

Score: 123

Julius Caesar: ”Brutus, that’s a very nice dagger, is it new?” Brutus: “Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe’s.”

Score: 110

Genie: Whats your first wish? Joe: I want to be rich
Genie: granted. and what is your second wish
Rich: I want lots of money

Score: 89

A little girl sits on Santa's lap and asks him for a Barbie and a GI Joe. "Well little girl, you can certainly have that, but doesn't Barbie usually come with Ken?"

"Oh no, Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe."

Score: 78

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house. Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

Score: 65

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time? I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

Score: 58

Oh hey, Larry's sporting bling in his ears Joe: When did you start wearing earrings?

Larry: Since the day my wife found them in my car.

Score: 55

Made this joke up while working at Whole Foods a couple years back... **What do you call a Whole Foods employee that shops at another grocery store?**

>!A "Traitor" Joe !<

Score: 45

My dad's a magician Bob: What does your father do for a living?

Joe: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.

Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.

Score: 38

I told my Brother, "My wife ran off yesterday with my Best friend Joe." My brother looked at me funny for a minute then said. "Since when is Joe your best friend?"

I looked back and replied "Since yesterday"

Score: 36

They call me Joe Fat Fingers And I dobn't kniw whu

Score: 30

I named a spider on my wall cotton eyed joe Because I have two questions,
Where did he come from,
And where did he go!?

Score: 27

"You're a unit of power Joe." "I'm a Watt?"

Score: 21

What was the last thing that went through Joe's head when he jumped off a 10 story building? His legs.

Score: 20

A white supremecist walks into a bar... A white supremecist walks into a bar and bumps into another white supremecist. 'Pardon me!' says Joe Arpaio. 'Sure!' says the president.

Note: joke corrected for 'gettability' by my husband.

Score: 16

If pro is the opposite of con.... If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Congress.

Joe Swanson - Family Guy

Score: 14

Why does joe Biden use a Mac? Because apparently he doesn’t want you to have windows.

Score: 13

What's a better term for the average Joe? ReguLarry

Score: 11

Where does Benedict Arnold get his groceries? Traitor Joe's

Score: 7

I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated me immediately, and I'm always extra polite, "nice to meet you, I'm Joe King."

Score: 5

Just logged into Amazon's Amazon account... Publix, Wegmans and Trader Joe's came up on their recommended purchases list.

Score: 4

Why didn't Joe run in the 2016 elections? Cause he was biden his time

Score: 3

Obama said in an interview that Putin had asked him "How is Joe?" to which he responded "Biden?" then Russian President replied "Joe Mama"

Score: 3

how did joe smuggle a virus? he flu.

Score: 3

New Joe Jokes

Why was BLM celebrating Joe Bidens win? Because now they get a 4 year vacation

Score: 1

Why didn't Joe Biden become president when he was younger? He was Biden his time.

Score: 2

Donald Trump finally called Joe Biden He asked for a pardon.

Score: 2

Sleepy Joe's brain is too old! SLEEPY JOE'S BRAIN IS TOO OLD! ALL WRINKLED LIKE HIS OLD FACE! MY BRAIN IS MUCH SMOOTHER. I KNOW BRAIN, I HAVE THE SMOOTHEST BRAIN! NOBODY'S BRAIN IS SMOOTHER THAN ME!

(sorry for the all cap, it's for dramatic effect)

Score: 0

After taking the lead in Pennsylvania and Georgia, why hasn't Joe declared victory? Because he's Biden his time.

Score: 1

Joe Biden mixed up Donald Trump with George Bush Later, Joe apologised for his error and confirmed that he is fighting fit, raring to go and he can't wait to beat Ronald Reagan in the coming election.

Score: 1

Can Joe Biden flip Florida? Geologists say no.

Score: 2

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over Im just aBiden the law officer.

Score: 2

Let's hope Joe Biden remembers to bring his fly swatter with him to tonight's debate. There's bound to be something on that stage bugging him.

Score: 2

Letting tonight's debate moderator mute Donald Trump's microphone when he speaks out of turn is probably a bad idea. He's just going to shout even louder to be heard over Joe Biden, who will have to once again tell Trump to shut up.

Score: 2

I think it was totally disrespectful for Joe Biden to call the President of the United States a clown. As a clown, I'm extremely offended

Score: 2

Knock knock..with a dark twist Me:Knock knock.

Friend: Who's there?

Me: Joe

Friend:Joe who

Me: Joe Mama

Friend:HAHAHAHAH!!!

Me: -fell down the stairs and is in the ICU right now.

Friend: Wait what?

Score: 1

Why did Joe Biden wait to long to surge in the polls and win primaries? He was just Biden' his time.

Score: 1

A constituant presses Joe Biden about his campaign policies.. Biden: "Go vote for someone else."

Constituant: "Ok, Byeden."

Score: 0

Iran listening to amrican Radio Radio: "it seems like our strongest solider Joe just lended in Iran"

Iran:"how's Joe?"

Radio:"Joe mama!"

Score: 0

Y'all have heard of Joe's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce Now get ready for Joe's Thanksgiving And Abortion Store
Where yesterday's baby is today's gravy

Score: 0

Joe Jonas gets cysticercosis Taenia solium worm to his intestine- "Imma sucker for you"

Score: 1

Lol funny 😆 🤣😂🤣😂 1: have you met mama?
2: who’s mama?
1: wait, I messed up, I meant to say “have you met joe?”
2: wait, what?
1: joe mama

Score: 1

Why'd it take Joe Biden so long to announce that he was running for US President in 2020? He was Biden his time.

Score: 2

What do you call a mexican hoe? A mexico Joe

Score: 1

Another woman came forward today about Joe Biden... She was touched by his speech.

Score: 1

Why did Joe Biden peek behind the curtain? Because social norms were changing.

Score: 2

With these allegations against Joe Biden he may not announce his Presidential run or maybe he is just Biden his time

Score: 1

Joe sits near a pregnant woman. Joe: Why do you look so fat?

Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.

Joe: Is it a good baby?

Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.

Joe: Then why did you eat it?!

Score: 2

A little girl is visiting Santa Claus and asks for Barbie and G.I. Joe. Santa, confused, replies "but doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
"No she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken".

Score: 3

Medicine Jim walked up to Joe who was frantically jumping up and down. So he asked Joe, "what are you doing?" Joe said while jumping, "This bottle says to shake well before use!"

Score: 3

Joe Arpaio farted at a dinner with the President "Oh!" He said, startled. "Pardon me!"

Score: 2

Why didn't the ladies of the group TLC ever exfoliate? Cause they don't want no scrubs.

*have to give credit to Joe Gatto from Impractical Jokers for this one*

Score: 2

I like to start my mornings with a nice warm cup of Joe... ...But dammit, his fingers keep clogging up my blender!

Score: 3

What do you call a military gastroenterologist? GI Joe

* My buddy Julien just made this up

Score: 1

John: Is there a hole is your shoe? No!!

Dumb Joe: Then, How Did you get your foot into it?

Score: 2

I had to have my name changed now that I'm in the witness protection program... I'm Joe King

Score: 1

Farmer Joe, who has the largest collection of antelope in the country, claims he has 18000 animals but I only counted 3051. Sad. Fake gnus!

Score: 1

Knock Knock Bob: Knock Knock.
Joe: Who's there.
Bob: Amnesia.
Joe: Amnesia who.
Bob: Wait, what were we talking about.

Score: 2

Farmer Joe is out looking for a lost sheep when he wanders into a shopping mall to ask for help. He asks a security guard if he has seen any sheep wandering around the mall.

The security guard says "They're everywhere, just look for the AirPods."

Score: 1