July Jokes

Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.

4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.

Mom, why am I getting Christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still... (•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

In *da* pendent

I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate 4th of July Surely 240 years of being officially seperate from America is something to be happy about

Number 7 Mark dreams number 7.

He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.

He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.

Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.

Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.

The horse comes seventh.

If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

What’s the best drink to have on the 4th of July? A White Russian. Nothing is more American then a Russian helping you to make poor choices.

As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July. It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me... "Because they make the toys."

Happy Fourh of July "Hey England, Happy Fourh of July."

"Where's the T?"

"We threw it in the harbor."

Merica.

How many seconds are there in one year? 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

I held a door open for an Asian guy and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

What is a pirate's favorite firework? M-80. Happy 4th of July!

Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July But not fire.

Fire works.

I got this joke while watching Scrubs Turk: You are like School in July

JD: Why

Turk: No Class

I have never understood why people abbreviate July as Jul. i mean seriously y?

People are seriously still shooting fire works on July 9?!? One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.

Today in the UK we celebrate the 4th of July. The day the average IQ of the British Empire jumped 100 points with a single signature.

This 4th of July please remember it's not "firecracker" This Independence Day, please remember it's not "firecracker," that term is very offensive to some people. It's "fire-caucasian." Thank you.

July 2nd, 1776 South America : Hey USA, you free tomorrow night?

USA : ‘Fraid not mate, I can do the night after though.

You're like school in July... No class

Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!! Britain: "What happened to the T?"

America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"

July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers.

Brits have more reason than most to celebrate 4th of July Surely 241 years of officially being separated from America is something to be happy about

How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope? It's probably cancer.

Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you From the fact that England blew a 13 colony lead

You should cut people born between June 21st and July 22nd out of your life... They're Cancer.

In which month should you not trust a Jew? July!

-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do.

Today might be July 23rd in the UK But its the last week of May

Why do Pakistanis celebrate July 4th? Because all the drone pilots are on vacation

Can confirm: England Does have a 4th of July And we even get it first!

On the 4th of July, almost everyone has a day off, except for fire. Fire works.

4th July If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.

What did May tell June when they were fighting? Don't July to me

Subscribers to Bread Enthusiast Monthly were upset when the July edition was all about flat bread. They said it was too big of a change from all the magazine's usual topics. In actuality, it was a naan-issue.

If Rihanna were born in July... Then could it said that in 2009, Chris Brown beat Cancer?

A poem for all us americans F is for freedom in america

U is for U.S.A

N is for nobody can stop us from being obnoxious,

# HERE ON INDEPENDENCE DAY.

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^(this works best on July 4th)