Hilarious Magician Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Magician Jokes

A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *POOF* He disappeared without a tres.

**edit Front page??? Thats Punbelieveable!

Score: 2360

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show. He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

Score: 713

A Mexican Magician... ...told his audience he'd disappear on the count of three.

He began counting "Uno, dos..."

And he disappeared without a tres.

Score: 663

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador!

I am not sorry.

Score: 557

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3... He says "uno... dos..." *poof*! and disappears without a tres.

Score: 515

The Mexican Magician A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *POOF* The magician vanished without a tres.

Score: 462

A Mexican magician was performing on stage He tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of three,

"Uno"
"Dos"

And then he vanished, and disappeared without a tres

Score: 425

A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' He replies "He's a magician."

She asks "Is he good?"

He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago."

Score: 297

I’m a magician of sorts. I steal candy bars using sleight of hand. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve.

Score: 297

Score: 239

My cousin, a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in his shows. I think it's just a stage he's going through.

Score: 215

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “uno, dos…” poof. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 203

What do you call a magician without the magic? Ian

Score: 196

A Mexican Magician... A Mexican magician says he will dissappear on the count of three.

Uno... Dos... *poof*

He's disappeared...

Without a tres.

Score: 194

Magician: I can make anything disappear Tom: *holding a cup* Do it to my tea!

Magician: *waves hand* Done!

om: *holding a cup* It didn't work

Score: 166

A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos... *poof*... He disappeared without a tres

Score: 150

A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 137

A magician was driving down the road when suddenly... He turned into a driveway!

Score: 133

I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.." And then he disappeared without a tres

Score: 109

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. "Uno"
"Dos"
**Poof!**

The magician disappeared without a tres

Score: 108

"Uno, dos..." And just like that, the Spanish magician was gone without a tres.

Score: 100

I once saw a Mexican magician He pulled me on stage and said he would make me disappear by the count of three. I didn't believe. Without warning he started counting. "Uno...Dos..." and *Poof*. I was gone without a Tres.

Score: 91

A Mexican magician tells his audience... "I will disappear on the count of three."
He counts down.. "Uno... dos..."
And then he disappears, without a tres.

Score: 88

A Spanish magician was showing a trick.. "For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."

And he vanished without a tres!

Score: 87

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." POOF.

He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 79

A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." and POOF! He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 78

A magician lost a leg during his performance. The audience was suprised he could pull it off.

Score: 75

Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear! Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!

Score: 74

A Mexican magician says... ...that he'll disappear on the count of three.

"Uno... dos..."

**POOF!!**

He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 72

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof! He disappears without a tres.

Score: 68

A Mexican magician came up to me and said "I can disappear in 3 seconds" "uno"

"dos"

...

he disappeared without a tres.

Score: 62

A Spanish magician is at a party He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.

He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 54

a mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. he says "uno, dos... *poof*... he disappears without a tres.

Score: 54

I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician... ...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.

Score: 51

There was a mexican magician... ...Who said "On the count of three, I will vanish!"

And so he counted, "Uno... Dos..."

And then he vanished, without a tres.

Score: 50

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno, dos..." And poof! He disappears without a tres.

Score: 49

A Mexican magician once counted... Uno, dos and vanished without a tres.

Score: 47

My dad is a magician he could turn alcohol into child abuse

Score: 44

A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick. "Uno, dos..." *poof* he disappeared without a tres.

Score: 43

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

Score: 39

New Magician Jokes

What do you call a magician’s bush? A magic carpet

Score: 4

I saw a magician float a potato once.. It was a levitator.

Score: 2

A magician is driving a car Then he turns into a driveway

Score: 9

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear in the count of three..... He says
Uno.....
Dos.....
*Poof* He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 3

So, what's your profession again? "Well", answered the man, "I'm a magician!"

"A Magician? What type of Magician?"

"It's a family business and I do the sawing down!"

"So do you have siblings?"

"Yes, two half brothers"

Score: 16

I took an exam to get certified as a magician. There was a lot of tricky questions.

Score: 2

At the end of a Mexican magician's act he tells his audience that he will disappear on the count of 3. He exclaimed, "Uno... dos..." and he was gone. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 2

I met a vegan magician the other night who surprised everyone by making guacamole appear from thin air. Avocadabra.

Score: 5

Did you hear about the new Mexican magician? At the end of his show he says he shall disappear on the count of 3.

"Uno, Dos...(poof) a flash of cloud and he's gone.

He disappeared without a "tres"

Score: 8

A short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 20

My dad is the world's greatest magician.. He told me to close my eyes and he dissapeared without a trace for over 23 years.

Score: 27

A Mexican magician said he would disappear at the count of three. "One."

"Two."

And he disappeared without a tres.

Edit: formatting

Score: 4

Did you hear that the new captain of the Enterprise is a magician? His name is Jean-Luc Pick-a-card

Score: 3

I never met my Dad but my Mother says he was a Magician Apparently every time he walked down the street he turned into a bar

Score: 3

Mexican magician A mexican magician says he will count to three and disappear. He says "uno, dos.." poof! He was gone without a tres!

Score: 2

Mexican Magician A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." *poof*. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 3

To the Magician who stole my I.D. Yes that is my card!

Score: 7

A Mexican magician A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." *poof*. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 27

What is a Jawa's favorite magician? Houdini!

Score: 4

You hear about the former inmate whos training to become a magician? Hes really getting his act together...

Score: 2

A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three... He says, "Uno, Dos..." and poof, he's gone. He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 34

A Mexican magician says he is going to disappear on the count of three He says - "Uno"- "Dos" . . .*poof*
He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 5

What do you call a perverted magician? David Copafeel

Score: 4

Who's a Jawa's favorite magician? HOO-DEE-NEE

Score: 3

A magician was driving down a street... ...and suddenly, he turned into a driveway!

Score: 6

What did the terrible fat Magician say to the audience? I may not know any magic but I do have a few Twix up my sleeve.

Score: 6

How can you tell if a psychopath is a magician? They make everyone disappear.

Score: 9

A Hispanic magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He held up three fingers and began.

"Uno! Dos!"

And then he vanished, without a tres.

Score: 7

A magician was driving down the street... then he turned into a driveway.

Score: 6

What did the fisherman say to the card magician Take a cod, any cod you want

Score: 3

Have you heard of the Mexican magician? He claimed he could disappear at the counter of three.

He said uno, dos...... And vanished without a tres

Score: 7

If I tell you I have to kill you A man goes with his wife to a magic show, after the magician preform an amazing trick the man shout "Bravo! Please tell him how you did it" the magician answer "if I tell you I have to kill you"
So the man said "so tell my wife".

Score: 6

Jenny hated having periods. Then she met James.
Now from last 3 months, she is not having periods anymore.
James is a magician.

Score: 2

My dad was a magician... Every time he drove to town, he turned into a bar.

Score: 3

A Mexican Magician A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 3

My dad is the greatest magician of all time He did a vanishing trick over 16 years ago and still hasn't been found

Score: 15

My mates call me "The Magician". Whenever I open my mouth women disappear.

Score: 6

A Mexican Magician... ...says he will vanish on the count of three. He says,"uno...dos..." -*poof*! He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 6

What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat? You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

Score: 31

What do you call a magician who uses a camera? Hocus Focus!

Score: 1

A Mexican magician is performing He says,"On the count of three I will disappear." He starts counting,"Unos.... Dos...." *Poof!* And he disappeared without a tres

Score: 18

I just saw a Chinese magic show The magician was named Fu Ling Yu and his female assistance was called Han Mi Dat. Great stuff.

Score: 7

My dad is a great magician... He disappeared when I was born

Score: 2

The magician then performed a hat trick. Nobody had expected him to be that great a bowler though.

Score: 4

Interview with a stage magician * So, what do you do?
* I saw women in half.
* Do you have any family?
* Four half sisters.

Score: 16

Being a magician has made me surprisingly successful at picking up women My best trick is to make their standards... *disappear!*

Score: 2

I once saw an incredible disappearing Mexican magician...he would come on stage and say, "Uno, Dos..." And poof! He was gone without a Tres

Score: 13

What is the catchphrase of a douchebag magician? "A-bro-kada-bro"

I'll show myself out...

Score: 1

A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* He disappeared without a tres.

Score: 13

A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!

Score: 17

What do you call a female magician? An assistant.

Score: 6

A magician was walking down the street then he turned into a grocery store.

Score: 5

The Mexican Magician A Mexican Magician says he will vanish upon the count of three.

So he starts counting out loud,

**"Uno!"**

**"Dos!"**

then POOF

He disappeared without a *tres*

Score: 3

Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like... Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.

Score: 34

My friends think im a magician when I make chocolate disappear... But little do they know, i'v got a few Twix up my sleeve...

Score: 1

What is the most death-defying magician incantation? ALLAHU AKBAR

Score: 2

The Mexican Magician This has likely been on here a bazillion times but oh well.
There was a Mexican magician, he said he would disappear on the count of three. He began too count "Uno, Dos,.." then disappeared without a Tres.

Score: 2

A Japanese magician does a disappearing trick A Japanese magician does a disappearing act with his son.

They come up to the stage and the Japanese magician begins the magic trick, counting down,
Ichi, ni... And Poof he disappeared along with his san

Score: 2

What is a dog called that is a magician? A *labracadabrador*

Score: 2

A mexican magician says to the audience he will dissapear on the count if 3 Uno...dos...*poof*

He disappeared without a tres

Score: 10