Hilarious Microwave Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Microwave Jokes

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner I’m done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

Score: 2573

I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.

Score: 1950

If you think your microwave spying on you is bad... Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Score: 1769

Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

Score: 911

What's the opposite of a microwave? A tsunami.

Score: 602

What do you call it when the new US president waves his hand? A microwave.

Score: 378

I finally got a microwave to heat up my leftovers So I was able to quit cold turkey

Score: 137

My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

Score: 129

If you think your microwave and your TV spying on you is bad. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

Score: 113

A microwave and a refrigerator get married. Who gives the speech? The Toaster.

Score: 97

How do you turn a duck into a blues singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 76

I used to eat at Applebees then I got enough money to buy my own microwave.

Score: 71

So I was teaching my brother English... I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

Score: 69

Lord said unto John: Come forth, and I will give you eternal life. But John came fifth, so he won a microwave.

Score: 68

What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave.

Score: 68

I've just ordered an empty cardboard box from Chernobyl. It was the cheapest microwave I could find.

Score: 61

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave till it's Bill Withers.

Score: 57

How long should you microwave fish for? Tuna half minutes.

Score: 50

I always say good night to my microwave every morning I'm in a very different timezone that those agents in Washington DC.

EDIT:wrong word

Score: 50

You want to know the worst thing about owls? It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you out them in a microwave.

Score: 48

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

Score: 47

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 43

What's the difference between a toilet and a microwave? If your answer was "I don't know", please don't invite me over for dinner.

Score: 40

How do short people greet others? They microwave.

Score: 35

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it into a microwave until it's bill withers.

Score: 34

Trump was cleaning his gun in Trump Tower... Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: "Why do you have a gun?"

Trump: "Obama Spy Drones"

Kellyanne: \*laughs\*

Trump: \*laughs\*

Microwave: \*laughs\*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

Score: 33

My girlfriend nicknamed me the "Microwave Meal" Thirty seconds on full power and I'm finished.

Score: 25

Pick up lines: Girl are you a microwave Because mmmmmmmmmmm

Score: 22

I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause it's cheaper than a smoke alarm.

Score: 21

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys... Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

Score: 21

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell? About 25 seconds in the microwave.

Score: 15

What do you get when you microwave a monkey? Rhesus pieces.

I'll let myself out.

Score: 14

TIL people with tiny hands can't use an oven or a range... They can only microwave.

Score: 14

You can't cook vegetables in the microwave. The wheelchairs don't fit.

Score: 7

I like my woman like I like my microwave In the kitchen and ready to kill any baby I put inside of them.

Score: 7

Did you know that when a short person waves at you... It’s called a microwave

Score: 6

What do you call it when a midget greets you with his hand? A microwave.

Score: 6

Before leaving for work my girlfriend left a note on the microwave saying "This isn't working, goodbye". I turned on the microwave and it's working just fine...

Score: 5

I just ordered a metal box taken straight from the wreckage of Chernobyl. What? I'm on a budget. It was the cheapest microwave I could find.

Score: 5

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

Score: 5

New Microwave Jokes

Whats it callend when you microwave an asian? Wice Kwispy.

Score: 0

What do you get if you cross a popular children's clay animation character with a Welsh microwave oven? A Popty-Pingu

Score: 1

Another bad date with a Microwave Lover 30 seconds and he’s done!

Score: 1

Hey girl, are you a microwave dinner? Cuz you look nuthin' like yo picture!

Score: 1

Why does it feel hot when a midget waves at you? Cos it's a Microwave

Score: 3

"She puts it in, takes it out, tastes it, then puts it back in... She really needs to change her microwave!"

*insert 4am informercial*

Score: 3

Two water molecules are hanging out in a microwave. When someone comes along to turn the microwave on, one molecule looks at the other and says, ".... ...this is so exciting!!!"

Score: 1

What do you call a vegetable composer in a microwave? Beet-oven

Score: 1

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Microwave it until it's bill withers.

Score: 1

How do you turn a duck into a famous soul singer? Stick it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 4

Why did the blonde put her laptop in the microwave? Because Windows froze on startup.

Score: 1

What do you call a small gesture? A microwave.

Score: 3

How do you turn a duck into an R&B singer? You put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

Score: 4

How do you make a duck famous Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers

Score: 2

My microwave asked me why I was walking around with a gun... I told it becuase of the CIA...

It laughed, I laughed, my wife laughed...

I shot my wife...

Score: 3

what's the difference between putin and a microwave? one is a spy, the other is the president of the russian federation

Score: 1

So the boxing kangaroo says to the microwave... "No soap radio!"

Score: 1

I put an album in the microwave and now the microwave is broken It was a metal album

Score: 1

My hamster died as he lived... in the microwave.

Score: 4