Monster Jokes

Contents

Funniest Monster Jokes

Funny Monster Jokes
Score: 1450

Everyone knows Albert Einstein was a genius... but his brother, Frank, was a real monster.

Score: 1338

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Score: 567

Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

Score: 352

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet. How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

Score: 242

How does a pirate greet a sea monster? What's Kraken?

Score: 175

What do you call monster made out of blood? A hemogoblin

Score: 113

Dracula decided it was time to give his son "the talk" Dracula: You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they-

Son: They do the mash

Dracula: *nodding* They do the monster mash

Score: 106

Go to a dog shelter to find a dog, you're a hero. Go to a women's shelter to find a wife, you're a monster.

Score: 89

What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet

Score: 70

I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster... ... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.

Score: 69

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius But his brother Frank was a real monster.

Score: 68

What do you call the Loch Ness monster on drugs You're high ness

Score: 57

Good night kids Me : good night kids

Kids : good night dad

Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids

Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night

Score: 49

THE 5 Secrets to a perfect marriage 1. Have a wife who is a great Cook
2. Have a wife who is great at cleaning
3. Have a wife who is a monster in bed
4. Have a wife who is great with your kids.
5. Make sure those 4 women NEVER MEET.

Score: 43

People are hypocrites My friend got called a hero for donating a kidney, but when I turn up to donate 10 they call me a monster!

Score: 41

He Made A Monster Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective

Score: 38

A man and wife went to a new dance club... The first song was "The Twist," so they did the twist.

The second song was "The Monster Mash," so they did the monster mash.

The third song was "Come on, Eileen." They were thrown out.

Score: 32

Did you hear about the boy who survived being run over by a monster truck? When reporters interviewed him at the hospital he was alert and said that he just felt very tired.

Score: 32

The flying spaghetti monster never died... He pastaway.

Score: 31

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius... Did you know his brother Frank was a monster?

Score: 30

Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes? No one can eat just one potato ship.

Score: 29

What do you call a fake Flying Spaghetti Monster? An impasta.

Score: 27

Stupid joke I made when I was young What do you call a fat monster who’s okay-at-best at his job?

Meaty ogre

Score: 23

We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius... But his brother Frank was a monster!

Score: 20

Hey! Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His pants fit like a glove

Score: 19

What do you call a milk monster that wants to take over the universe? >!Galactose!<

Score: 18

Dr. Frankenstein is experimenting with a new monster made with a cheese body. It's Frankenstein's Muenster.

Score: 18

What's the difference between Frankenstein and The Cosby Show? On the Cosby Show, he was both the doctor and the monster.

Score: 17

In three seconds, anagram the word SNIGGER into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait. The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.

Score: 14

What did Mike Wazowski call his tattoo parlor? Monster's Ink.

Score: 12

What time did the Monster eat the prime minister? 8PM

Score: 11

Albert Einstein was a genius... But his brother Frank was a monster.

Score: 10

Abort a baby at 1 month, nobody cares. Abort it at 24 months, suddenly you're a monster.

Score: 10

I don't know why women have a fascination with Twilight. The reason being, vampires and women are entirely different. One is a blood sucking monster that preys on the helpless and the other are vampires.

Score: 9

What do you call a Baby with no arms and no legs.... A Monster

(from my 3 year old!)

Score: 8

There's a homophobic monster under your bed... That hates the monster in your closet.

Score: 7

What has 140 metal teeth and holds back the world's biggest monster? My zipper.

Score: 6

how did Cookie Monster decide who'd win the oscars? he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.

Score: 5

What do you call an awful Halloween night handjob? The Monster Mash

Score: 5

Popular Topics

New Monster Jokes

Why does Frankensteins monster always look so unhappy? Why does Frankensteins monster always look so unhappy?

Would\`nt you be unhappy if you had your nuts on the side of your neck!

Score: 0

What has 78 teeth and holds back a monster? My Zipper

Score: 0

Deep at the bottom of the darkest trench off the ocean lives the most feared sea monster to ever exist. The Kraken, Urbutt.

Score: 2

A monster was silent and moved his body to express himself. What is his name? Frankenmime

Score: 3

What’s a scary monster that can fit on your finger? The boogy man.

Score: 3

Which monster do u kill to get high Medusa cause you'll be stoned

Score: 1

What do you call a monster that blows? A windigo

Score: 2

Alfred Einestein was a genius But his brother Frank was a monster

Score: 0

Albert Einstein may have been a genius... ...but his brother Frank was a monster!

Score: 5

Have you seen the nails on Frankenstien's monster? Screws with your head

Score: 1

Senator Al Franken introduces a new hoppy flavor of energy drink with a thick foamy head. However, it seems no one likes Franken's Stein Monster.

Score: 2

What has a hundred teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

Score: 2

Yo momma so fat....... She got in a monster truck and made it a low rider.

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster? Release the Kracklen!

Score: 3

I think girls hate Ducatis, Whenever I offer them a ride on my monster they just scoff and walk away.

Score: 1

What's the difference between The Cosby Show and Frankenstein? Cosby was both the doctor and the monster.

Score: 1

What's the difference between Donald Trump and the Chupacabra? One is a monster that scares Mexicans, the other eats their goats.

Score: 5

What do you do when you see a blue monster? Cheer him up

Score: 2

How do you reach the Flying Spaghetti Monster? You have to sail pasta seas.

Score: 2

At what time was Justin Trudeau eaten by a monster? Ate P.M.

Score: 4

Irish Nessie Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie.

It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells.

It's a knock-less monster.

Score: 2

If Cookie Monster was going to eat a country, what country would he eat? Viet-nom-nom-nom-nom

Score: 4

Elliot Ness, Cookie Monster, and John Locke start a law firm. Locke Ness Monster.

Score: 2

Popular Topics