Hilarious Moving Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Moving Jokes

Score: 908

If Hillary wins, I'm moving to... Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone

Score: 382

I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."

Score: 369

Me: Officer, are you actually crying while you're writing me a speeding ticket? Officer: It was a moving violation

Score: 299

I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?

Score: 239

Simba was moving too slowly So i told him to Mufasa

Score: 215

Fidel Castro is dead Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

Score: 207

Next year, I'm moving to Greenwich, England I don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time

Score: 201

Boyfriend moving in... Him: Can I set up a cloning machine in the basement?

Me: Sure, make yourself at home.

Score: 178

I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore... I'm moving the fridge to my room.

Score: 132

I'm probably moving back to my home country if Trump gets elected. Not by choice either.

Score: 130

My girlfriend said “I believe in you” and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

Score: 113

After the election, I'm moving to Greenwich, England I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

Score: 111

People keep asking me how I'm doing since moving to North Korea Eh, can't complain.

Score: 104

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road "Are they moving?" asked the operator

"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

Score: 86

I'm thinking of moving to Switzerland No particular reason, but the flag's a big plus

Score: 84

On his deathbed, a man is asked if he wants anything said at his funeral. "Oh look, he's moving."

Score: 81

Politics is like driving No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a moron.

Score: 79

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships? Because they're always trying to find the x.

They don't know y, either.

Score: 78

My kids are real jerks, so we're moving to Germany. Then they'll be kinder.

Score: 76

I was at a wedding the other day It was so moving, even the cake was in tiers

Score: 65

A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.

'Is it moving?' they asked.

'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'

Score: 61

My wife just emailed me asking if we had any moving boxes I told her no... All of our boxes are still. That's why we purchased them from a stationary store.

Score: 60

I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.

Score: 59

What did the winner of the not moving contest get? Atrophy

Score: 57

My friend's nanotechnology company is doing really well. In fact, it's doing so well that he's considering moving to smaller premises.

Score: 48

If Trump gets elected, I'm moving to Mexico. Then at least there's a wall to protect me.

Score: 36

My ex is having a really hard time moving on From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did).

Score: 32

We were out having dinner when my girlfriend said “We’ve been living together for three years now and you still haven’t popped the question” “Good point, when are you moving out?” I asked.

Score: 32

What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving Van Gogh

Score: 27

My girlfriend and I were moving each others comic book collection and now we both have to see a chiropractor. Because we both have back issues.

Score: 20

What do you call a moving nun? A Roman Catholic

source: LaffyTaffy wrapper

Score: 17

My Vietnamese roommate is moving to Vegas (giving me a place to crash in Vegas), and leaving behind a full bedroom set for free... This is a real Nguyen-Nguyen situation for me.

Score: 14

I got into a fight with a moving staircase. It just escalated so quickly!

Score: 13

Simba was moving too slow So I told him to Mufasa

Score: 12

I was trying to think of all the benefits of moving to Switzerland... I can definitely say that the flag is a big plus

Score: 11

What's the difference between standing at the front of a moving car and standing behind it? If you stand in front of the car, you will get tired; but if you stand behind it, you will get exhausted.

Score: 10

I’m moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!

Score: 9

Why is Sean Spicer moving to Australia? He's gotten really good at roaming around the bush.

Score: 8

Q: What's the best sport to learn when you are moving? A: Boxing

Score: 7

New Moving Jokes

A boy asks his dad “What is that fast moving hand on the clock called?” His dad answers, “Why, it’s called the second hand”

The boy then asks, “Okay, but what’s it called?”

Score: 1

What’s the slowest moving thing known to man? A tweaker in a hurry.

Score: 3

There was a snail moving slowly in my backyard I decided to take his shell off to see if it would move a bit quicker.

It didn’t work, all it did was make it a bit sluggish.

Score: 3

I saw a snail moving very slowly in my backyard... I decided to take his shell off to see if it would move a bit quicker.

It didn’t work, all it did was make it a bit sluggish.

Score: 4

My son was moving to a city in Arizona. On the day before he left he told me, "I love you, Dad." I love you Tucson.

Score: 3

I had a snail when I was a kid The snail was moving very slowly so I thought if I took his shell off he might move a bit quicker.

He ended up just being a bit sluggish.

Score: 5

You wanted to know if the ship was moving, or if it was just wind weather or knot, it mattered.

Score: 7

I told a police officer a joke about a moving staircase and he put me in cuffs! Well that escalated quickly.

Score: 1

My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season. Me- You should consider moving your store.

Friend- I cant!

Me- Why?

Friend- Coz its stationery.

Score: 3

What do a war museum and a teleprompter have in common? Moving letters

Score: 1

If you are moving to Japan, you are def going to enjoy doing two things there: no. 1- and
no. 2.

Score: 3

Whats the difference between a moving story and a touching experience? a priest.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the band "the moving crew"? The house was packed

Score: 1

I saw a documentary about disabled people It wasn't too moving

Score: 3

I'm moving in a few days and I asked my neighbor if he wanted my satellite Told em it's on the house.

Score: 2

People in wheelchairs Today my friend was telling me all about how he works helping people in wheelchairs move around, moving them from one place to the other, and helping them get to their destinations.

It was a moving story.

Score: 3

This is a Mitch Hedberg inspired joke So I was moving a refrigerator and I needed some extra strength. Instead of grabbing some Tylenol, I snagged a couple of Altoids instead. Cause I'll admit, I was curious...

Score: 3

How do you know a politician is lying? His lips are moving.

Score: 2

When do you known that Chinese Americans are moving into the neighborhood? All the Mexicans are buying auto insurance .

Score: 2

I heard the United States is slowly moving towards the metric system... They're getting closer inch by inch

Score: 2

I noticed this morning that, due to the vibrations of the bus, the pieces of dessert that I was carrying were moving randomly within their container. I believe this is an excellent example of brownie in motion.

Score: 3

What does a non-moving cat and a motorcycle traveling at 80mph have in common? They make the same sound.

Score: 3

Well, there's a least one positive thing about moving to San Francisco... Your partner.

Score: 2

I saw a black guy kicking a can down the road Me "what are you doing?"
Him "moving"

Score: 3

How do you know when Trump is lying? His fingers are moving.

Score: 2

I just found out my best friend, José, is moving away. !No guey, José!

Score: 1

My friend said he's moving Saturday... I would have offered to help, but where would we move it to- Sunday?

Score: 3

My wife and I went to see a realtor. "Have you guys considered moving houses?" he asked.

I said, "No, we don't like caravans."

Score: 6

I figured out how to solve illegal immigration! Annex Mexico; then people won't be immigrating anymore, they'll just be moving!

Score: 2

How do you know when a politician is lying? When you see their lips moving!

Score: 4

Renewing public sector is like moving a graveyard. You won't get much help from those already there.

Score: 5

Man runs frantically towards the moving icecream truck.. "Wait!" He exclaimed.

The truck stops and the driver asks, "What can I get you today?". "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to let you know I'm a vegan."

Score: 4

How is Bill Cosby like an environment at 0 Kelvin? When around both, one eventually stops moving.

Forgive me.

Score: 2

I'm moving house and placed all my Dan Abnett and George R. R. Martin books at the bottom of the box. Because the books are like their fans, used to enduring great weights.

Score: 1

Why are so many African Americans moving to Detroit? Because they hear there are no jobs there.

Score: 3

What do a moving bus and a dead vibrator have in common? You can't get off.

Score: 1

Know any West Virginia Jokes? I just got a job and am moving there soon. The only one I know is, "In West Virginia it's called a TOOTHbrush and not a teethbrush for a reason"

Score: 5