Hilarious Nail Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Nail Jokes

What do panties and nail polish have in common? Both come off with alcohol

Score: 151

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

Score: 77

I’m hammering a nail into the wall when my wife comments “You hammer like lightning” I replied “you think I’m that fast?”

She said “no. You never hit the same spot twice”

Score: 38

Score: 37

My Dentist friend just divorced his wife who is a manicurist All they did was fight tooth and nail

Score: 36

What do Panties and Nail polish have in common? They both come off with Alcohol.

Score: 30

Cannibalism is a real thrill Nail-biting from start to finish.

Score: 26

Do you wanna hear a joke that'll kill every unvaxxed person? Actually nahhh, it's a bit rusty and I wanna nail it first

Score: 25

What do wives and shingles have in common? if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

Score: 21

An Artist Gets Mugged... He goes to the police and draws them a picture.

The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."

"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."

Score: 20

Mommy mommy why do I keep running around in circles? "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

In the 80s, my mother thought this was hilarious.

Score: 20

Necrophilia .... the last nail in the coffin.

Score: 20

It’s my dream to open a dentist office/manicure salon I’m fighting tooth and nail to make it happen

Score: 19

Trying to think of a hilarious Good Friday joke... I really want to nail this.

Score: 18

Child: "Mama, I'm tired of running in circles..." Mom: "Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

Score: 17

A Duck walks into a Bar Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No, and if you keep asking, I'll nail your beak to the bar.

Duck: Got any nails?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Score: 16

How does a Mexican build a house? Juan nail at a time.

Score: 15

[religion]What's the difference between Jezus and a picture of Jezus? You only need one nail to hang the picture

Score: 14

What's the hardest part about making a manicure joke? You really have to nail it

Score: 14

Kid says Mommy! Mommy! I don't want to keep going I circles. Mom says shut up or I will nail your other foot to the floor.

Score: 12

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand down.

Score: 12

I stepped on a nail the other day I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point

Score: 11

How can you avoid hitting your fingers when you drive in a nail with a hammer ? Hold the hammer with both hands.

Score: 10

Came up with this years ago while waiting for my mom to wake up that morning. What happened when the bike ran over a nail?

It popped a wheelie.

Score: 9

What’s the similarity between girls into nail art and Germans? Both remove polish with chemicals.

Score: 9

What happend when the bike ran over a nail? It popped a wheelie.

Score: 7

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

Score: 7

In the end, I decided not to visit that new Police Hair & Nail Salon. You hear all kinds of bad things about Police Beautality.

Score: 7

How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Nail food to the ceiling

Score: 7

Outside a PHOTO studio... “We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother-in-law”.

On demand we can even nail and hang them.

Score: 7

Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
of alchocol

Score: 6

What does a woman with a missing finger get at the nail salon? 10% off.

Score: 5

A dentist and a manicurist stepped into the ring They fought tooth and nail

Score: 3

I just clipped the worst ingrown toe-nail... It was a feet.

Score: 3

I've heard that if all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. So I'm going to start carrying a speculum.

Score: 3

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a sandwich to the roof.

Score: 3

What is the official term for a hula hoop with a nail in it? A navel destroyer

Score: 2

"Mommy! Mommy! Why am I running in circles?" "Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor!"

Score: 2

What's the worst thing about a dull nail? It's pointless!

Score: 2

How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? Nail one of its hands to the floor

^i ^went ^too ^far

Score: 2

New Nail Jokes

What does woman and nail polish have in common? They both go down easily with alcohol.

Score: 1

Daddy why do I keep walking in circles? Dad: Shut up or I’ll nail your other foot to the floor

Score: 2

Pennywise should have been killed with a nail gun Then those kids would really have nailed it

Score: 1

Kid: I don't want to run in circles all the time! *angry* Mom: Shut up or i'll nail down ur other foot too!

Score: 1

I say to my dad: "Dad I'm tired of going in circles all my life." To which he replied:

"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

Score: 1

Use chemicals to remove nail polish and its fine But once you use chemicals to remove the Polish, you're suddenly Hitler.

Score: 1

Lost your tree? Why not nail a picture of it on your dog?

Score: 1