Nail Jokes

What do panties and nail polish have in common? Both come off with alcohol

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

I’m hammering a nail into the wall when my wife comments “You hammer like lightning” I replied “you think I’m that fast?”

She said “no. You never hit the same spot twice”

My Dentist friend just divorced his wife who is a manicurist All they did was fight tooth and nail

What do Panties and Nail polish have in common? They both come off with Alcohol.

Cannibalism is a real thrill Nail-biting from start to finish.

Do you wanna hear a joke that'll kill every unvaxxed person? Actually nahhh, it's a bit rusty and I wanna nail it first

What do wives and shingles have in common? if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

An Artist Gets Mugged... He goes to the police and draws them a picture.

The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."

"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."

Mommy mommy why do I keep running around in circles? "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."

In the 80s, my mother thought this was hilarious.

Necrophilia .... the last nail in the coffin.

It’s my dream to open a dentist office/manicure salon I’m fighting tooth and nail to make it happen

Trying to think of a hilarious Good Friday joke... I really want to nail this.

Child: "Mama, I'm tired of running in circles..." Mom: "Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

A Duck walks into a Bar Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

Barman: No, and if you keep asking, I'll nail your beak to the bar.

Duck: Got any nails?

Barman: No.

Duck: Got any bread?

How does a Mexican build a house? Juan nail at a time.

[religion]What's the difference between Jezus and a picture of Jezus? You only need one nail to hang the picture

What's the hardest part about making a manicure joke? You really have to nail it

Kid says Mommy! Mommy! I don't want to keep going I circles. Mom says shut up or I will nail your other foot to the floor.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand down.

I stepped on a nail the other day I was going to avoid it but I didn't see the point

How can you avoid hitting your fingers when you drive in a nail with a hammer ? Hold the hammer with both hands.

Came up with this years ago while waiting for my mom to wake up that morning. What happened when the bike ran over a nail?

It popped a wheelie.

What’s the similarity between girls into nail art and Germans? Both remove polish with chemicals.

What happend when the bike ran over a nail? It popped a wheelie.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

In the end, I decided not to visit that new Police Hair & Nail Salon. You hear all kinds of bad things about Police Beautality.

How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Nail food to the ceiling

Outside a PHOTO studio... “We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother-in-law”.

On demand we can even nail and hang them.

Do you know what do women and nail polish have in common? they both undress with the help
of alchocol

What does a woman with a missing finger get at the nail salon? 10% off.

A dentist and a manicurist stepped into the ring They fought tooth and nail

I just clipped the worst ingrown toe-nail... It was a feet.

I've heard that if all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. So I'm going to start carrying a speculum.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a sandwich to the roof.

What is the official term for a hula hoop with a nail in it? A navel destroyer

"Mommy! Mommy! Why am I running in circles?" "Shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor!"

What's the worst thing about a dull nail? It's pointless!

How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle? Nail one of its hands to the floor

^i ^went ^too ^far