Nose Jokes

Contents

Funniest Nose Jokes

I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

Score: 2840

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 1784
Funny Nose Jokes
Score: 761

I store drugs right under my nose Don't believe me? Check my stash

Score: 759

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Edit: hey thanks for the 1,000 upvotes!

Score: 563

Lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.

^not ^^on ^^^my ^^^^watch.

Score: 519

What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

Score: 468

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot.

I'm so sorry.

Score: 403

Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

Score: 337

My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.

Score: 256

I lost my watch at a party once... and then I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the guy and punched him right in the nose, because no one ever does that to a girl...
Not on my watch.

Score: 225

Yo mama's so fat Her nose can't even run




Came up with this myself and was quite proud

Score: 220

I once lost my watch at a party... I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, and punched him in the nose. No one does that to a girl... Not on my watch.

Score: 215

My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.

Score: 207

What do nearsighted gynecologists and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 187

I lost my watch at a party once... An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Score: 167

What goes 'boooooo' 'boooooo'? A cow with a stuffy nose...

Score: 163

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.

Score: 137

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at the party.... Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Score: 113

My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back

Score: 108

What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 107

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man? Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

Score: 99

I can produce silver just by sniffing. Smelt it with my own nose.

**I'll show myself out**

Score: 97

Astute Diagnosis A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

Score: 96

Watch Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Score: 96

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 91

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

Score: 89

What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose

Score: 77

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Cause the it would be a foot!

Score: 75

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? It's the scenter.

Score: 74

I bought the wife a Pug dog yesterday. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat The dog seemed to like her

Score: 56

What does a healthy dog and a blind gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 52

What do near-sighted gynecologists and little puppies have in common? A wet nose

Score: 52

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a new puppy have in common? A wet nose!

Score: 47

What does a nearsighted gynecologist and puppy have in common? A wet nose

Score: 43

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.

(Courtesy of my grandpa)

Score: 31

What do you call a nose which has been torn off of somebody's face? No body nose.

Score: 26

What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy? A wet nose.

Score: 22

Why can't a nose be 12 inch long ? Because it would be a foot

Score: 18

How do you call a person without a body and without a nose ? Nobody knows.

Score: 17

Popular Topics

New Nose Jokes

My poor neighbor.. was running with an eretion against the wall ... and broke his nose.

Score: 2

Got the wife a Pug Dog yesterday, despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat... the Dog seems to like her.

Score: 2

Is there a correlation between the size of a nose and the sense of smell? Because I read somewhere that back in World War II people with big noses smelled gas much more often.

Score: 4

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a healthy puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 2

What do you call a sassy bumble bee that has to scratch it's nose? A bee-itch

Score: 4

Why was the Lego man sick? He had a BLOCKED NOSE!

Score: 3

I once farted in the woods Then i saw a grizzly walking with his paw in front of his nose.
I think He couldn't bear the smell

Score: 2

You may think it's funny, to kiss your Honey, when their nose is runny, but It's snot!

Score: 2

What is the flower that is located between your nose and chin? Two Lips

Score: 3

I once tried sniffing coke. But the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.

Score: 3

Why can't your nose be 12" long? Because then it would be a foot.

Score: 8

What does Pinocchio say when he accidentally tells a lie? "Oh nose!"

Score: 2

I met a man with a nose on his forehead the other day... He said it gave him a heightened sense of smell.

Score: 4

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later, I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. Infuriated, I went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Score: 10

One of the first things they want you to do before getting plastic surgery is.... Pick your nose.

Score: 8

You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your nose's friends.

Score: 10

I'm not a picky eater Except for my nose.

Score: 2

It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.

Score: 7

Why can't Gorbachev smell? His glass nose failed.

Score: 3

What's an owl's nose called? whoo nose?

Score: 5

What spell does Harry Potter use to treat a stuffy nose? Expectorant Proboscis!

Score: 2

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full up.

Score: 2

What do you call a man without a body or a nose? Nobody knows.

:(

Score: 3

My 7 year old neice told me this joke today What do you do when your nose goes on strike?


Pick it!

Score: 4

My wife always wanted a nose job. So she became a tissue designer.

Score: 7

What do you called a dismembered nose? Nobody knows.

Score: 3

I have bathed in the blood of virgins... Well, I had a nose bleed in the bath this morning.

Score: 8

I tried snorting coke once But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

Score: 2

What do you call a person without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.

Score: 8

What does Hannibal Lector use to blow his nose? A tissue.

Score: 6

What's the difference between a cold nose and that weird white kid in your class? One's a cool hooter, the other is a school shooter

Score: 14

Why is the nose locates in the middle of your face? Because it's in the scenter

Score: 9

I got into a fight The guy broke my nose.

But I broke 7 bones in his hand so...

I'm calling it a win.

Score: 8

You have beautiful hair too bad it grows out of your nose.

Score: 5

What's the one body part you can choose to have? You can pick your nose.

Score: 7

A man walks into the hospital with a carrot up his nose... ...and a banana in his ear. He is clearly distraught and asks the doctor what's wrong with him.

"It's simple," the doctor says. "You're not eating right."

Score: 2

i lost my watch at a party once after an hour of looking for it i saw a man stepping on it whilst sexually harassing a girl. i walked up to the man and punched him straight in the nose, nobody does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Score: 3

What's the definition of embarrassment? Running into a brick wall with an erection and breaking your nose.

Score: 16

Oldest joke in the world So my friend adopts a dog, and he tells me it's got no nose. "No nose?" I said, " How does it smell?"

He says,

"Awful"

Score: 2

What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose

Score: 6

What smells better than it tastes? A nose.

Score: 10

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose... But you can’t pick the toilet paper your company chooses to use.

Score: 2

My dog has no nose, how does he smell? Terrible.

Score: 13

What do you have to do before getting plastic surgery. You have to pick your nose.

Score: 2

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the scenter!

Score: 3

Why was the snowman so upset? Because somebody had stolen his nose and the police didn't carrot all!

Score: 2

Why is the nose in the middle of the face? Its the scenter.

Score: 4

Did you know you can break your nose if you squint hard enough? I did it on the bus today and some Asian guy punched me in the face!

Score: 5

If you're kissing on your honey and your nose is sort of runny, you make think it's funny, but it snot.

Score: 8

I was walking behind a girl late at night I open silently the bottle of chloroform so she doesn't freak out.
I put out my tissue,
put chloroform on it,
*sneezing*
clean my nose,
and pass out

I'm not a smart man

Score: 4

How to kill time. Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat.

Score: 2

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose

Score: 11

i think ive gone insane. i cut off my nose. nothing makes scents anymore.

Score: 5

Bob comes to work an hour late with his spectacles bent, bloodstains on his nose and a rumpled shirt... "What on earth happened?" asked his boss.

"I fell down a flight of stairs."

"That took you a whole hour?!"

Score: 2

A girl told me she liked teasing So we went into the bedroom and I told her that she had a weird, misshapen nose and she suddenly started crying.

Women and their mixed messages.

Score: 6

I was born upside down My nose runs and my feet smell

Score: 3

Wanted to make a voldemort joke but this whole subreddit nose it

Score: 2

What's In Hitlers Nose? Snotzies

Score: 3

What did Bach say when he got punched in the face? I think you Baroque my nose....

Score: 2

I wish I was just like my nose And all it takes is spicy food to get me to run.

Score: 2

Popular Topics