Hilarious Oil Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Oil Jokes

Wife: You're shirtless? (husband nods)

Wife: And covered in...oil?

-Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?

Wife: Listen. You never listen.

-Oh

Score: 3504

Score: 1597

The price of oil has dropped so far that... Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

Score: 1576

Wife: You're shirtless? Me: Yes

Wife: And also covered in.. oil?

Me: Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?

Wife: Listen! you never listen.

Me: Ohhh

Score: 1548

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette? Your camera.

Score: 1057

Wife: You’re shirtless? Me: Yes

Wife: And also covered in ... oil?

Me: Well, you know how you always say I never glisten?

Wife: Listen! You never listen!

Me: Ohh

Score: 754

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me... Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

Score: 742

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, . but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

Score: 666

I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

Score: 645

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

Score: 249

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

Score: 219

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me! I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

Score: 175

What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years? Ancient grease

Score: 175

Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.

Score: 143

What did the oil refinery plant say to the offshore drilling platform? Send crudes.

Score: 106

Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day. It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound

Score: 104

Someone just threw a bottle of omega fish oil at me! Luckily my injuries were only super-fish-oil

Score: 71

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's.... Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

Score: 66

What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive oil.

Score: 54

What do fortnite players and olive oil have in common? They’re both extra virgin

Score: 52

An entire industry has just collapsed Virgin coconut oil is no more a thing.

Score: 51

Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. Luckily I only received super fish oil injuries.

Score: 44

Today, someone threw a bottle of omega-3 pills at me!! Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

Score: 44

my friend is addicted to brake oil he says he can stop any time he wants to.

Score: 38

An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..

Score: 32

My wife threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head Don't worry though, my wounds were just super-fish-oil

Score: 32

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me... I suffered super fish oil injuries.

Score: 31

Where do you get 'Extra Virgin' olive oil? Really ugly olives.

Score: 31

Luck of the jewish means waking around the middle east for 40 years and settling in the only place with no oil.

Score: 31

I told my wife to make sure the coconut oil is mixed nicely with the kale so I can easily scrape it into the garbage.

Score: 27

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today... ...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.

Score: 27

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

Score: 25

In Italy, they call me Olive Oil Its because im extra virgin. :(

Score: 24

I have the most boring job of all... I run an oil drill rig.

Score: 20

I am like an oil.... Extra-Virgin

Score: 15

Learn how to speak Irish in seconds... Say these words quickly:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

Score: 12

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from? Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

Score: 12

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars And then watch the funding skyrocket

Score: 10

A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

Score: 9

I didn't know I had anything in common with Olive Oil! We are both extra virgin!

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New Oil Jokes

I found bottles of 'Walrus oil' during my woodworking class... I asked if they meant Walnut... to which they said: "no, walrus oil gives the best seal!".

Score: 3

If the U.S. military is called in to keep order, protestors need to switch tactics for distracting them from lasers and road cones to dumping oil everywhere.

Score: 2

What do America and Mechanical Engineers have in common? Both think the solution to all problems is Oil.

Score: 0

You're just like olive oil Because you're extra virgin

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If the goverment finds oil or diamonds on your land, it's theirs but if they find drugs in your land it's yours?

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Olive oil is made by grinding up olives and bottling the juices. Pine nut oil is made by grinding up pine nuts and bottling the juices... but... how is baby oil made?

Score: 1

The car dealership near me is having a fall deal: “You heard it here folks, it’s back, free pumpkin spiced oil changes with every tire change!”

Score: 1

I went to the grocery store to buy oil. Couldn't find it. So i inVaDed IraQ

Score: 2

Why do men love olive oil? Because it is extra virgin!

Score: 1

People always say i remind them of olive oil. Extra Virgin

Score: 2

You can call me olive oil... Because I’m EXTRA VIRGIN!

Score: 2

Grandma was making lasagna when suddenly an entire US division came crashing through her door. She put a little too much oil in the lasagna.

Score: 1

Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries, but still.

Score: 4

What do you call Basil, Pine Nuts, and Olive Oil with a bad attitude? Pestomistic

Score: 4

So I was cooking today... I heated up some oil, fried up some garlic, onion and chillis. Stirred in some chopped tomatoes, added vinegar and sugar and left it to simmer. Boy can I tell you, when it was done, it was relish!

Score: 1

Service Manager: You are all set for an oil change and an inspection, and there is no recall listed. Customer: Too bad. I had an aunt with dementia who had the same problem.
Service Manger: Problem? What problem?
Customer: No recall.

Score: 2

We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil. It's for Autumnmobiles

Score: 4

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year. They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

Score: 3

Are hot girls made up of oil ? Because when I try to look at their face, my eyes slip.

Score: 4

They say that coconut oil is good for hair. I'm wondering why coconut has bad hair itself?

Score: 1

You should try adding olive oil to Kale It makes it much easier to slide into to the trash.

Score: 1

Did you hear about the comedian who fell in a big vat of piping hot oil? Gilbert got fried.

(I apologize to Gilbert.)

Score: 1

Yo mama is SO fat... The last time she wore high heels, she struck oil!

Score: 3

What is Popeye's favorite thing to eat? Virgin Olive Oil

Score: 3

Why do people always put coconut oil on kale? So it's easier for it to slide into the bin.

Score: 2

What is a terrorists favorite culinary item? Extra virgin olive oil

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Protip: If you stir some coconut oil into your kale It makes it easier to scrape into the trash

Score: 5

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel... ... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

Score: 3

The concept of drilling for oil was ridiculous in the mid 19th century. Now we just see it as groundbreaking.

Score: 4

What's the difference between a Canadian oil mogul and an American one? The Canadian will apologize for destroying the environment.

Score: 8

A barrel of oil swore at me. So I told it to stop being crude

Score: 1

I am like olive oil. Extra virgin.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Olive Oyl and Extra Virgin Olive Oil? Nothing, which explains Popeye's forearms.

Score: 2

Two bears and three bears walk into a bar..... They ask for oil price from 2015 through 2017.

Score: 3

The truth about oil drilling The system is rigged

Score: 7

I was biking to work today and someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me! I'm ok though. The injuries were super fish oil.

Score: 6

What do you call .. An Italian who works on an oil platform?

Rigger Tony

Score: 1

I went to Kennedy Space Center to become an astronaut, but the scientists were not very supportive. They just said things like, "You're not qualified" and "Why are you naked?" and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL."

Score: 1

What'd the Secretary of State say when the oil tanker spilled on the seal reserve? Whale at least it wasn't on porpoise

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Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act... Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough.

Score: 2

Why did the terrorist return the regular olive oil? He wanted extra virgin.

Score: 1

Hanukkah is a truly Jewish holiday. What other group of people would celebrate saving on oil?

Score: 1

He drank the entire bottle of olive oil? Olive it.

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TIL that despite graduating from Yale with a business degree, George W Bush turned down the position of Field Supervisor in his family's oil business to start in the mail room. He said he was more of an "inside job" kind of guy.

Score: 2