Hilarious Phone Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Phone Jokes

“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?” “No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”

Removed the edit due to the negativity flooding my phone, you can find an explanation of it in my recents. Much love to the positivity tho :).

Score: 22674

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You can’t imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

Score: 18394

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

Score: 17941

My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

Score: 10328

Wife crashed the car again today. She told the police the man she collided with was on his mobile phone and drinking a can of beer. Police said he can do what he likes in his own living room.

Score: 7793

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because. It's my way or the Huawei.

Score: 7125

My dad always said, "Work until your bank account looks like a phone number" so I did. Account balance: $9.11

Score: 6711

I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper... She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

Score: 3824

Score: 2480

Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

Score: 2129

I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist. It's called 'Facebook'

Score: 2115

Me: “Did you invite Dan to the party?” My friend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Cannibal Dan or Dan that can’t spell?”

*notification from my friends phone, it’s a text from Dan.* “I can’t wait to meat your friends tonight.

My friend: “I’m not sure”

Score: 2028

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Score: 1961

The sky above looked ominous, so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain again today?!" It replied, "It is and don't call me Shirley!"

Guess I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode…

Score: 1928

I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...

Score: 1383

Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?" She said, "it is, and dont call me Shirley".

Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

Score: 1380

No shirt no shoes no service I've been lied to my entire life. I walked into 7-11 naked and my phone still worked just fine.

Score: 1338

My phone fell from the 20th floor, good thing it was in airplane mode.

Score: 1190

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

Score: 1062

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.

Score: 995

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

Score: 949

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

Score: 924

I phoned my wife... ...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

Score: 691

I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping .. ...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects

Score: 633

A lot of things are going to change since I got my girlfriend pregnant. Including my name, address and phone number.

Score: 619

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

Score: 605

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number

Score: 567

Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane? Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?

Score: 565

I stopped smoking weed the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed... ....while using my phone's flashlight

Score: 496

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone. "Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Score: 456

I asked Siri "What do women want?" My phone has not shut up for the past three days.

Score: 396

Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300. You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.

Score: 337

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Score: 300

I went to a restaurant. Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

Score: 261

My girl is so smart! My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)

Score: 251

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook… "Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

Score: 202

I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me." He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"

I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

Score: 199

Dropped my phone in a load of mayo What the Hellmann

Score: 197

In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended. Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.

Score: 192

Fish and chips I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Score: 187

New Phone Jokes

What's the difference between Jeff Epstein and a cell phone battery? I'm not happy when my cell phone battery dies.

Score: 10

How to turn on a phone in 2018 With a finger or a facial

Score: 10

Please be careful!!!!! don't know if this is a scam, I've just received a phone call saying I've won tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show then it said. Just press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.

Score: 19

What happens when a phone goes to jail? It becomes a cell phone!

(Courtesy my 6 year old)

Score: 10

My girlfriend is so smart I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said “hey babe what’s up?” How did she know it was me?

Score: 23

When my girlfriend says, "Unlock your phone. I need to check something." I just look at her crazy. I don't even let my wife do that.

Score: 58

Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They’re gonna call it the ayePhone

Score: 60

John: Carl, why do you have a bandage on your ear? Carl: I was ironing my shirts and my phone rang. I picked up the iron instead of the the phone and burned my ear.

John: I get that. But why do you have a bandage on the other ear?

Carl: Well, the phone rang again.

Score: 19

I've found my old Nokia phone so I connected it to a powerbank. Powerbank is now full. Phone still has 3 bars.

Score: 173

Look, dumbass, I've got your phone! Owner looks at iPhone, iPhone unlocks, thief runs off with it.

Score: 27

A soccer referee picks up his phone during a match. **14 Missed Calls**

Score: 22

I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number

Score: 109

My Chinese wife kicked me out because I wouldn't get off my Chinese phone. She said it's Mai Wei or the Huawei.

Score: 30

I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free

Score: 169

I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book. She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.

Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

Score: 21

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source. I was charged with a Sultan battery.

Score: 14

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow. When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!

Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

Score: 22

My Grandpa said, your generation relies way too much on technology and then unplugged my phone. I said no, your generation relies too much on technology and unplugged his life support.

Score: 43

Crime And Violence When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

Score: 15

I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

Score: 63

Just dropped my phone in a load of Mayo What the Hellmann

Score: 11

Why was the Italians cell phone bill so high? He was always Roman.

I'm sorry.

Score: 17

What do you call a phone in prison? A cell phone

Score: 10

My girlfriend is so smart I called her on my friend's phone and she said "What's up, honey?".

She already knew it was me on the other side!

Score: 90

Why did the toucan stop using his phone? He got a large bill

Score: 11

I own a vibrator powered by virgins. I posted my phone number on gonewild.

Score: 130

Today I donated my watch, my phone and $500 to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket.

Score: 96

My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet. I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.

Score: 67

Blonde and the Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

Score: 44

r/Jokes is like a box of chocolates I'm not saying I hate you but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Score: 12

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? The outlaws are wanted

*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*

Score: 30

How is a toddler like a cell phone? If you can't find it within three days, you can presume it's dead.

Score: 69

Why was the phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts.

Score: 19

What's the time difference..? A blonde called a telephone operator.

Blonde: “Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and London?”

Operator: “Just a minute…”

Blonde : “Thank you” *puts down the phone*

Score: 14

Trump calls Putin on the phone Trump says, "You need to stop annexing territory in Ukraine"

Putin responds, "Crimea river"

Score: 26

I need to put my phone in a cover Just in case

Score: 23

I was texting on my phone and accidentally rear ended someone this morning... We Pulled into a residential area, the guy got out of his car and lo' and behold, he's a dwarf. He said, "I am NOT happy!!!" I said, "Well then which one are you?"

Score: 10

I tried to buy a phone at the store the other day, but wasn't able to Turns out it was a cellphone, not a buy phone

Score: 11

Cars 3 Prediction. Mcqueen's driving in the woods. There's no one around and his phone is dead. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots him: Shia LaBus.

Score: 19

Got a password lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong password to look into my phone.
Now I have fifty pictures of drunk me.

Score: 19

I asked Siri: "Why can't I ever get into a relationship?" The front camera on my phone opened up.

Score: 9

I broke my phone recently. I threw it out the window after turning on airplane mode. Worst transformer ever.

Score: 10

What can you say about your phone but not your girlfriend? I let my friend borrow it when theirs is dead.

Score: 9

'Hey, can I use your phone to call my girlfriend real quick?' 'Sure, just hit redial'

Score: 16

Pavlov's dog Pavlov is sitting down. His phone rings. He stands and says, "I forgot to feed my dog."

Score: 9

A failed tv presenter, a disgraced newspaper editor and a phone hacker walk into a bar.... ..and the barman says "What'll it be, Piers?"

Score: 23

I'm sorry I said "nice phone" When you showed me a picture of your baby..

Score: 11

How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.

Score: 88

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick.

Teacher: Who am I speaking to please?

Caller: I am my father.

Score: 61

To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone You can hide but you can't run

Score: 96

News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call. Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!

Score: 12

Just bought a new phone, it's helping me with weight loss I don't have money to eat anything for 2 months.

Score: 22

What do you call a doctor who is always on a phone? An oncologist

Score: 9

A guy walks into a bar... his face gets bruised, his phone shatters on the concrete, and the Pokemon gets away.

Score: 37

Comeback Joke * nerds phone rings in class *
Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy?
* whole class laughs *
Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours.
* whole class is silent *

Score: 13

After my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. My address, my job, my phone number...

Score: 150

So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

Score: 142

What's the difference between a thug and a phone charger? A phone charger charges batteries, but a thug has battery charges

Score: 14

Why did Frodo set his cell phone to vibrate? He was afraid the ring would give him away.

Score: 11

Why did the phone get away with its crime? Because it had good connections!

Score: 9