Hilarious Poker Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Poker Jokes

Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is

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My wife said she'll leave me if I don't overcome my poker addiction but I think she's bluffing

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Why should you never play poker with a crocodile? You will lose every hand.

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Why did the Origami Artist never win a poker match? Because he will always fold.

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How can you tell you're playing poker with a feminist? They'll insist that Kings and Queens have equal value.

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At least my massive stroke wasn’t all bad news. My poker playing has improved by about 50%.

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My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry. So I folded.

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Why are orphans so bad at poker...? they don't know what a full house is

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My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.

I thought, "I might have to raise him."

Score: 42

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Score: 41

I've just opened a casino for dogs where they can play roulette, poker blackjack etc... They'll have to go outside for craps though.

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What did the orphan poker player say? Will you raise me?

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I was playing poker with my friends. Dunno why they got so mad at me. I was just eating chips

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What does a woman and a bar have in common? Liquor in the front, poker in the back

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Marriage is like a game of poker At first you have two hearts and a diamond
By the end all you want is a club and spade

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My wife challenged me to strip poker, but I soon realized she just wanted to do laundry. So I folded.

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Why can't pirates play poker? because someone is always standing on the deck.

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Why was the origami master terrible at poker? He always folded.

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What kind of poker do stoner cows play? High Steaks

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What happened when the lepers played poker? One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off.

This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

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What is the one thing that professional poker players & plumbers can agree on? A royal flush is better than a full house.

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Poker No YouPorn I do not want to play poker, I'm at work.

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Why are origami artists terrible at poker? They are constantly folding

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All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose? Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

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Grapes are so predictable at poker Eventually, they all end up raisin

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning? You Poker Face.

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My wife says she is going to divorce me because I love poker more then her. I think she’s bluffing!

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Do you know why they don’t play poker in the jungle? Because there’s too many cheetahs. I’m not lion.

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My wife left me because of my poker addiction. It could also be a bluff.

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How do you make lady Gaga cry? Poker face

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I was playing poker with my cow that was on drugs The steaks couldn't have been higher

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Origami is like Poker... You gotta know when to fold

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Why do stoners make lousy poker players? Because they keep smoking the pot.

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A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking… The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play strip poker?"

The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."

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Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker? They have to take ACE inhibitors.

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An interesting fact about Darth Vader He's got a good poker face

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I prefer having poker players do my laundry They know when to fold

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If you find yourself playing poker while on safari in Africa... .

.

.

.

.

.

Watch out for Cheetahs

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Why was the Poker Player so good with the ladies? He had a good hand

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New Poker Jokes

Just a sheep comversation *Hi Sam, how you doin?*

*Meh.*

*I don't a give flock anyway*

And they both looked at the camera with a poker face.

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I played poker with my celebrity friend She never wins and always ended up with a Lohan

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An origami artist is playing poker and it's his turn to act. The dealer asks, "What do you do?"

"I fold."

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I had a friend who was named after a perfume who won at poker against someone who bet their bathroom on the game. Now he's Eau de toilette.

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I made the final table of an international poker tournament, but the Spainard kept unexpectedly stealing pots when he had the dealer button No one expects the Spanish in position

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What game do cows play after smoking weed? High steaks poker

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Why is poker like politics? Trump flushes blacks.

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How do you know which bird will always go all-in on a hand in poker? An owl. Because it's owl nothing.

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How do professional poker players greet each other? WSOP!

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What do you call Russian roulette for vampires? High stakes poker.

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I challenged an origami expert to a game of poker. He folded.

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Never play poker with lepers. They always throw their hands in.

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Why did Peter Pan know he could beat Captain Hook in poker? Peter knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand.

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Why couldn't the pirate play poker? Because he was standing in the deck

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What do you call a bison with a great poker face? A Bluffolo

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Never play poker with a banker. They always have the best suits.

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Why is John Snow a confident poker player? Because he just upped the aunty.

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An overseer of exams and a poker player go into business together. They name their company:

Proctor and Gamble

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How do you irritate Lady Gaga? Poker face.

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1 and 2 were playing poker. Suddenly, 2 discovers 1 is cheating. Angry, 2 shouts at 1: "Three can play that game!"

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Why shouldn't you play poker in the savanna? Because, there are too many cheetahs there.

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Wanna know the 2016 elections favorite card game? Poker.

It always gets the Trump card.

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I've just opened a casino for dogs. They can play roulette, poker, blackjack and a host of other games all under one roof.

They have to go outside for craps though.

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My wife wanted me to give up poker night with the guys, so I talked her into joining a Bridge club. She jumps next Tuesday.

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Why do origami artists make terrible poker players? They always fold.

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My wife had a C-section operation for our fourth kid, i visited her at the hospital yesterday. The operation left a scar forming an arrow on her tummy. I put on my poker face and said babe, with 5 years and 3 kids I hardly need direction.

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How is a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

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No one knows what Lady Gaga is going to do during the Super Bowl... Because you can't read her poker face.

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What do you call a Filipino man who gets really nervous every time he plays poker? A Manila folder

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BILL CLINTON'S FAVORITE CARD GAME Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite card game?
A: Poker.

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I brought weed and poker chips to my family reunion last week. Apparently I missed the memo on what a "potluck dinner" was.

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Why shoudn't you play poker in Africa ? Because of all the Cheetahs!

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When the animal kingdom had a poker party who didn't they invite? The Cheetahs!

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My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards. My uncle once punched his 8-year-old daughter for cheating while playing cards.

*He takes strip poker very seriously.*

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Why are people afraid to play poker in Africa? Too many Cheetahs.

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What's your favorite "cute" joke? I.e. jokes that may make you laugh, but make you say "Awww" even more. The punchline is not shocking or hilarious, but cute.

E.g. The Confucius saying: Marriage like poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

Score: 2