Polar Bear Jokes

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Funniest Polar Bear Jokes

A polar bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'll have.

The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."

The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"

The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

Score: 358

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."

Score: 172

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a brandy.........................................................................................................

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.......... and coke." The bartender asks, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds, "I dunno... I've always had them."

Score: 106

What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you!

Score: 91

A polar bear walks into a bar A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I'll have a Bud Lite. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke.”
The bartender asks “What's with the big pause?”
The bear responds: “I dunno... I've just always had them.”

Score: 86

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects? They were looking for the ark tick.

Score: 84

A polar bear falls into the water "Help! I'm dissolving!"

A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"

"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!"

Score: 77

A polar bear walks into a bar Bartender: What'll you have?
Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic.
Bartender: OK but why the big pause?
Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.

Score: 72

What is the difference between a polar bear and the World Series? One has cubs

Score: 51

Where does a polar bear keep his money? In a snow bank.

Score: 44

Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.

Score: 40

A polar bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks "what'll it be?"

The bear says "I'll have a gin......and tonic."

the bartender says "ok, but why the big pause?"

The bear looks down and says "I don't know, I've always had them."

Score: 39

What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear? One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

Score: 34

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a gin and uhhh........ tonic."
"Sure thing," says the bartender. "But why the big pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear. "I was born with them."

Score: 25

A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?" To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".

Score: 15

A polar bear walks into a bar "I'll have a whiskey....and coke", said the bear.

"Certainly, but why the big pause?"

"Because I was born with them", replied the bear.

Score: 15

How do you catch a polar bear? Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

Score: 13

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the Polar bear? Do not consume if seal is broken.

Score: 13

A Polar Bear Walks Into A Restaurant... and says to the waiter, "I'll have a turkey sandwich and a large....coke". The waiter replies, "What's with the long pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear, "I've always had them.

----
Pause=Paws. No one thinks I'm funny.

Score: 12

A polar bear walks into a restaurant.. The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

Score: 12

How to catch a polar bear First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole

When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Score: 12

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group. Because that is where the ISIS.

Score: 11

How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

Score: 11

Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world. But they're all white.

Score: 10

Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One of the bears says:

"Can you pass the soap?"

The other bear says:

"No soap, radio."

Score: 9

A polar bear walked into a bar. "A rum and coke please." He asked.

"Certainly", replied the bar man, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them", answered the bear.

Score: 9

How do you capture a polar bear? 1. Dig a hole in the ice.

2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole

3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Score: 8

How do you catch a polar bear? You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Score: 8

How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.

When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!

Score: 7

Where do polar bears go to deposit money? A snowbank

Score: 7

Sexually and mentally confused white bear Bipolar bear

Score: 6

Today, my teacher asked me to summerize my work... So, I took out all the parts about polar bears and eskimos.

Score: 5

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

Score: 5

Why is the polar bear so friendly? Cause he's an ice guy!

Score: 5

How did the narcissistic polar bear get so ripped? Because he took a lot of polar roids.

Score: 4

(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice

Score: 4

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ? The seal of approbation.

Score: 4

What do you guys think of polar bears? I think they all white.

Score: 3

Which bear can dissolve in water? A polar bear

Score: 3

Why are certain bears so attracted to each other? Because they are polar bears (hence forming permanant dipole interactions)

Score: 3

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New Polar Bear Jokes

A polar bear goes into a bar . . . . . .and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Gin and… Tonic.”

The bartender asks, “Why the big pause?”

And the polar bear replies, “I don’t know, I’ve always had them.”

Score: 0

What do you get when you take the Cosine of (Polar Bear)? A Cartesian Bear.











What has my life become?

Score: 1

What's the dumbest animal in the Amazon jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 2

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression. It's not easy being bipolar.

Score: 2

How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice and place peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick it in the icehole.

Score: 2

What do you call a gender-fluid arctic mammal with anger issues? A bi-polar bear!

Score: 1

A polar bear walks into a bar ... The bartender says "Hey we have a drink named after you"

The polar bear says "Huh, you have a drink named Ted?"

Score: 1

What does a polar bear get for lunch? 30 minutes like every body else.

Score: 1

Always bring a polar bear on a date. They're great at... _breaking the ice_!

Score: 1

How do you trap a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

Score: 2

Why do polar bears like bald white men? Because they have a big white bear place

Score: 1

What lives at the North Pole and takes Lithium? A bi-polar bear.

[OC, circa 2005]

Score: 1

How do you capture a Polar Bear? Cut a hole in the ice, and place peas around the hole.
When he goes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole

Score: 1

My Grandad used to tell me a story about how he once saw a Polar Bear fall from a great height ...He said it was a great ice breaker

*ba-dum-tschh*

Score: 1

A polar bear goes into a bar bartender: "Hey, I got a drink named after you"
Polarbear: "Do you have a drink called Allan?"

Score: 1

Whats the dumbest animal in the desert? The polar bear.

Score: 1

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