Hilarious Puppy Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Puppy Jokes

I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.

Edit: For those worried about the kid, it's ok. He was an adopted ginger, so no big deal.

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I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.

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Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got

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When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.

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Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid... I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!

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My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed He was going to tell his parents

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What do nearsighted gynecologists and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 187

I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife I thought it was an awesome trade.

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What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 107

My daughter told me she wanted a puppy for Christmas... I told her "you're eating turkey like everyone else".

Score: 106

I got my kid a puppy as a gift, but it died before Christmas... Now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.

Score: 103

On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven." Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!

Score: 98

I bought my son a puppy... I bought my son a puppy for his birthday but I accidentally ran him over as I was backing out my driveway. At least I still have the puppy

Score: 85

My wife slapped me when I told her I'm buying her a puppy for Christmas. I thought she'd be excited to hear that she's getting a little husky...

Score: 78

I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out? She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

Score: 64

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Wet noses

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What does a near sighted gynecologist and a new puppy have in common? A wet nose!

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Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now.

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What does a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

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What does a nearsighted gynecologist and puppy have in common? A wet nose

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What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining.

Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

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If I had a puppy I'd name it comma. Why? Because of its small pause.

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If I had a dollar for every time I was distracted... I wish I had a puppy

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I just bought a Dalmatian puppy... And I've found out that if you join all the dots together with a marker pen...

It doesn't wash off...

Score: 39

What does a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have a wet nose

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This one time, I cried, when my dad chopped up Onions. I loved Onions, she was such a nice, sweet, little puppy

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Two blondes were walking in the park. One blonde says, "Aw! Look at that puppy with only one eye!" So the other blonde covers an eye with her hand and says, "Where?"

Score: 33

I got a puppy for my daughter and a fur coat for my wife... ...best two trades I ever made.

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People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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A good book is like a puppy Easy to pick up, hard to put down

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What does a myopic gynaecologist have in common with a puppy? A wet nose.

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People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy... They ask you to leave the theatre!

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A good book is like a cute puppy... ...easy to pick up, hard to put down.

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My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy and asked me if I could help train it.

I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

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What do you get by crossing a baby with a puppy? Jail time.

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What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose

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I got my kid a puppy, but it died the night before Christmas... Now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.

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I got my kid a puppy for Christmas but it died. Now all I have is this puppy.

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What do you call a puppy with autism? aww-tistic

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New Puppy Jokes

I recently got a puppy for my 2 year old, so he doesn't feel lonely whenever I leave him out in the car during this heat.

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What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a healthy puppy have in common? A wet nose.

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How did the puppy pay his barber? With a defurred payment

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Told my girlfriend I wanted something littler and cuter than her. Probably wasn't the best way to bring up getting a puppy.

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A Good Book is Just Like a Puppy. Easy to Pick up, but hard to put down.

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What do you call a loud, yet obedient, puppy? A small subwoofer.

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What do you call it when a puppy and a speaker have a baby? A sub woofer

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I can't wait to be a parent Can't wait to be a parent and surprise my kids with a puppy for Christmas cause they asked for one, but jokes on them it's actually for me

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What's worse than a puppy nailed to a tree? A puppy nailed to 7 trees.

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What do you call a puppy with a camera? A furtographer

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Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife? Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

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