Hilarious Salad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Salad Jokes

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law? It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

Score: 6851

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Score: 1475

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ... Just in case there is a salad dressing .

This was horrible lol

Score: 484

I said to a fat girl today... I said to a fat girl today,

"You're a big girl!"

She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."

I said, "Salad tastes nice"

Score: 374

I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today It said: "Pineapples: five cubed."

I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.

Score: 258

Score: 231

What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray

Score: 225

A man named Eric Cole... ... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.

Score: 166

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law "Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

Score: 145

Any salad can be a Caesar salad. If you stab it enough.

Score: 119

Just made a chicken salad... Not even sure if chicken's like salad, but I guess we're about to find out

Score: 101

From my 9 year old niece...”What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?” Chicken sees a salad.

Score: 101

Doctor: Before you go to sleep, don’t eat anything fatty. Obese patient: Can I eat salad instead ?

Doctor: No, fatty.

Score: 101

You guys ever heard of Murphy's law? Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.

Score: 98

Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Score: 94

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

Score: 90

What do you call the salad of an epileptic chef? A seizure salad.

Score: 83

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad.

Score: 78

What do you call and epileptic in a lettuce field? A seizure salad

Score: 74

Why should you always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it? There might be a salad dressing.

Score: 71

I made a tuna salad this morning. Stupid thing didn't even eat it.

Score: 66

I made a chicken salad this morning. Stupid thing won't even eat it.

Score: 64

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a salad The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

Score: 57

I dreamt I was making a salad. I was tossing all night.

Score: 50

Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing.

Score: 49

Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? She saw the salad dressing.

Score: 48

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable patch? Seizure Salad

Score: 47

I made a salad yesterday. It wasn't very good.

So I tossed it.

Score: 47

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

Score: 46

What do you call a hen looking at lettuce? Chicken sees her salad.

Score: 44

What is worse than finding a bug in your salad? Getting anally raped by a rhinoceros.

Score: 43

What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner? Seizure salad...

Score: 42

What can you make with epileptic lettuce? A seizure salad

Score: 40

My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn’t lettuce leaf

Score: 40

I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken I didn't know where to start.

Score: 39

Why did the cucumber blush? It saw the salad dressing

Score: 27

The difference between chicken salad and egg salad... Is largely timing.

Score: 21

McDonald's Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Score: 19

Any salad can be a Caesar salad As long as you stab it enough.

Score: 17

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken Cesar Salad

Score: 16

New Salad Jokes

Dr Pepper is supposed to taste like mixed fruit I've never sent a fruit salad back because it was "too dr peppery"

Score: 2

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A Chicken Cesar Salad

Score: 2

I like my salad how I like my woman All vegetables

Score: 2

Why did the vegan smile when he opened the refrigerator? He saw the Salad Dressing

Score: 2

What do you call a coma ward? A veggie salad

Score: 3

Did you know that Julius Caesar’s last words were “Et tu Brute”... Which roughly translates to “name a salad after me”

Score: 2

What’s an epileptic’s favorite meal? Seizure Salad

Score: 8

Who was the star of the fruit salad movie? Blue Berry Moore

Score: 1

What did the epileptic vegetarian have for supper? Seizure salad

Score: 1

What did the epileptic order at the restaurant? A seizure salad.

Score: 4

What’s an epileptic’s favourite lunch? Seizure Salad.

Score: 2

Why did the comet want a hamburger and not salad? Because it was meteor

Score: 2

What do you call it when a chicken stares at a lettuce? Chicken Cesar salad

Score: 9

I bought a bag of rocket salad today.... It went off before I could eat it.

Score: 2

Why are tomatoes red? Because they saw the salad dressing.

Score: 6

I made a chicken salad.. It hasn't eaten it yet but I hope it'll enjoy it

Score: 3

What do you call it when you give an epileptic a rimjob? A seizure salad.

Score: 10

When changing your diet to salad, It's best not to dive head-first.

Score: 3

Any salad is a Caeser Salad if you stab it enough times It's also more healthy if you've Et tu

Score: 5

I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me. I am now a seizure salad.

Score: 15

What's an epileptic Roman's favorite food? seizure salad

Score: 13

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken-caesa-salad.

Score: 14

If you throw an epileptic into a lettuce patch... ... is that a seizure salad?

Score: 3

What does an epileptic person eat? Seizure salad

Score: 16

What do you call a rooster looking at a piece of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad

Score: 8

I hate that salad can't get into nightclubs... Like, come on man, lettuce in

Score: 3

What did the homicidal vegetarian say? I would kale for some salad.

Score: 3

Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce? Because chicken sees a salad.

Score: 15

Why did the woman blush when she opened her refrigerator? Because she saw the salad dressing.

I had never heard this until today. Made me chuckle a bit.

Score: 14

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting tomato in a fruit salad.

Score: 5

Any salad can be Caesar Salad If you stab it enough

Score: 6

What do transgenders put on their salad? Crossdressing

Score: 9

What did the religious salad say to the fruit Lettuce rejoice and be grapeful

Score: 2

What is an epileptic's favorite appetizer? A seizure salad.

Score: 3

What type of salad does an epileptic eat? A seizure salad.

Score: 11

What did the caesar salad say when the final touches were being added? Et tu, crout?

Score: 3

How can any salad be a ceaser salad? If you stab it enough.

Score: 14

I made a "Titanic style" salad It's mostly composed of iceberg lettuce

Score: 2

A dry salad is an issue That definitely needs a dressing

Score: 4

What do epileptic people on a diet eat? Seizure salad.

Score: 4

What do you call a hen looking at lettuce? A chicken ceaser salad

Score: 5

What's Sythers favorite food? Scizor Salad

Score: 2

What do you call a a bunch of epileptic vegans at a rave? Seizure Salad

Score: 12

The police tried to raid a food smuggling operation today. Unfortunately, they only managed to Caesar salad.

Score: 1

United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu Beet Salad

Score: 2

What do you experience when you use the wrong salad dressing? Vinairegret.

Score: 3

What do you call a pig with no legs in a veggie patch? A ham and salad roll

Score: 1

Knowledge and Wisdom Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Score: 4

Trump never eats russian salad... He knows what Vladmir Putin it.

Score: 7

What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics? Seizure Salad.

Score: 8

Knowledge is knowing Napoleon.. ... was about the average height for his time.

Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.

Score: 2

I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today. ...I ate a sneezer salad.

(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P)

Score: 5

What does a tree put on salad? Branch Dressing

Score: 1

The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"

Score: 3

I work at a restaurant and one of the chefs there is both dyslexic and epileptic. Ended up sending out a chicken seizure salad.

Score: 4

What do you call a chicken looking at a leaf of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad

_badumtss_

Score: 1

Why is taco salad Donald Trump's favorite Mexican food? It has a wall around it.

Score: 2

Why does the tomato blushing? Why does the tomato blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing :D

Score: 4

Why do you think I dated a vegetarian? So I can get my salad tossed

Score: 3

What is an epileptic's favorite thing to eat? Seizure salad

Score: 1