Hilarious Scientist Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Scientist Jokes

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context." Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

Score: 25346

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context" Media: Scientist claims his findings meaningless.

Score: 1152

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

Score: 915

Score: 807

Did you hear about the agnostic scientist who had twins? She had one of them baptised, the other one is the control.

Score: 425

Scientists found out that crabs hear through their legs. A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

Score: 193

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

Score: 152

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

Score: 134

Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog Morse code! Dog: [taps paw]

Me: What did it say??

Scientist: "Woof."

Score: 119

In his quest to gain more power, the mad scientist extended his hours at the lab. This is after he discovered that power is work overtime.

Score: 115

The computer scientist failed when trying to hit on his waitress ERROR: Connection to server not found

Score: 110

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says "I'll have h2o"
The second scientist says "I'll have a water"
The first scientist goes back home and rethinks his assassination plan.

Score: 109

Scientist have found a rare mutation in some goats... It's called the Billy gene and causes them to believe that the kid is not their son.

Score: 88

Apparently crabs hear through their legs. A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut off its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.

Score: 87

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.

Score: 73

My grandfather developed cancer when he was younger. Some say he’s the most evil scientist who ever lived.

Score: 73

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says “I’ll have H2O” the second one says “I’ll have water also” the first scientist walks off, furious that is assassination attempt had failed. You have to be moderately smart to understand it...

Score: 70

My niece comes up with the best kid jokes. Why did the scientist remove his doorbell? He wanted to to win the **Nobel Prize!**

Score: 65

What do you call a scientist that steals energy? A joule thief.

Score: 61

Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded... at how gullible people on the internet are.

Score: 60

What'd the scientist say to the man who was frozen to absolute zero? Are you 0K?

Score: 57

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist? A stroke of genius.

Score: 56

What did the scientist say when he found 2 helium atoms? HeHe

Score: 53

I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist. Albeit Einstein would disagree.

Score: 49

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? HeHe

Score: 46

What did the druggie scientist say when he got high on Helium? He He

Score: 42

What do you call it when a scientist tries to get laid? A thot experiment.

Score: 39

A scientist asked if I would let him clone me; I said no, but he made me anyway.

Score: 37

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized

Score: 35

What did the zoophile scientist say to his assistant? If you need me I'll be in my lab

Score: 35

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein

Score: 33

Scientist: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs Scientist 2: Hmm not kinky enough

Score: 28

How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Score: 27

What does a nuclear scientist write on their door when they go off work? Gone fission.

Score: 27

How do you tell if someone is a plumber or a scientist? Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

Score: 24

What did the scientist said after mixing oxygen and magnesium? O Mg

Score: 22

Did you hear about the scientist that froze himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now.

Score: 21

When I die, I want my body to be donated to science More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead people back to life.

Score: 16

I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl He was eating carb on dyed ox hide

Score: 15

Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado? Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

Score: 12

New Scientist Jokes

Scientist's have found an easy way to check for the Corona Virus. Check the palms of your hand for small hairs growing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Ha Ha Ha!!!!! Gotcha....

Score: 1

Why can't a scientist see? Because the c is silent

Score: 2

Albert Einstein was a doctor and scientist So was his brother Frank

Score: 0

That flat-earthier rocket scientist died in a crash while testing his theory. He had nothing to fear but sphere itself.

Score: 0

What is something that both a scientist and a priest agree on? That they are right.

Score: 0

All you people that buy metal straws are stupid I mean, I'm no scientist but I am almost certain it is more painful to choke on a metal straw than a plastic one.

Score: 2

Isaac Newton died a virgin I have a one up on history’s greatest scientist Because I’m not dead

Score: 4

Why did the mad scientist open up a perfume store? He wanted to make a cologne of himself

Score: 2

A scientist from Alabama once said Everyone is a relative.

Score: 3

Thete was one a scientist who found that he could raise his IQ by masterbating It was a stroke of genius

Score: 3

What did the scientist say when a lump of gold jumped on to his periodic table? Ay You, get off my table!

Score: 7

A mathematician, a scientist, and an economist walk past a field of cows. The mathematician says "Those cows are brown on this side."

The scientist says "Those are brown cows."

The economist wrinkles his brow, nods, and says "All cows are brown."

Score: 3

Me: I finally went back in time and killed Adolf Hitler! I’m going to be famous! Scientist: Who?

Score: 1

Was really excited about the new scientific discovery and searched for "BIG BLACK HOLE PIC". Understood why scientist why scientist were so eager for them.

Score: 2

A scientist has been working with mice for many years and has discovered a potential cure for cancer. "It was an elaborate experiment".

Score: 3

What did the Mexican scientist say to greet their failed cloning experiment of the Grateful Dead? Muchas Garcias.

Score: 1

A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear. It was an interesting case study.

Score: 1

Did you hear? A psychopathic scientist cloned a guy, killed the clone, and made the original eat the clone? He really was full of himself

Score: 6

What's something a good scientist or a bad pet owner would say? I'll be in my lab

Score: 10

Scientist friend argued the strange happenings with our diplomats in Cuba were probably from toxins, bacterial or viral infections, I thought that it was sound. But it seems most people think it was ultrasound.

Score: 2

Scientist 1: What should we call this spider that has long legs? Scientist 2: How about Long Legs? Scientist 1: Not kinky enough...

Score: 2

How did the doggy scientist get into his secret lair? Through a Lab-bra-door.

Score: 5

A student asks a scientist about the types of quarks... A student asks a scientist about the types of quarks. The scientist replies "Up, Down, Charm, Top, Bottom"

The student says "I think you missed one?" The scientist replies "Huh, thats Strange."

Score: 5

Why wouldn't a mad scientist destroy the world? A mad scientist would never destroy the world.
...Half the world maybe. That would be enough to have a control group.

Score: 3

It cost NASA scientist 1 billion dollars to send felines into outerspace. It was a catastrophe

Score: 1

"Wow! So many hurricanes so close together! Who woulda thought!" "More than 95 percent of scientist."

Based on true events.

Score: 1

Have you read the book by the impatient scientist? It's about time.

Score: 4

Never mess with a scientist doing math out in the snow... He's cold and calculating.

Score: 2

What prize did the Eunuch Scientist win? The NO BELL prize

Score: 2

A nuclear scientist sent me a dodgy email I've heard about this fission scam

Score: 3

Experiment made by Russian scientist Vazilikyev Karaazuruvsky reveals shocking information Nobody reads Russian names

Score: 10

If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are Nietzsche

Score: 8

Did you know that the singer Olly Murs has a sister who is a scientist? Her name is Polly Murs.

I'll show myself out........

Score: 4

Why did the scientist abandon making his electron radio? There was too much static.

Score: 3

It takes guts to be a forensic scientist. A lot of guts. Everywhere.

Score: 3

Why did Cruella De Vil become a scientist? Because she wanted to wear a lab coat.

Score: 6

How can you tell apart a computer scientist and an aspiring musician? Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Score: 2

What do you call a scientist who regularly cheats on her husband? Atomic number 67

Score: 2

Never tell a scientist that his Blood Alcohol Content is a problem... He'll tell you it's a solution...

Score: 5

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects. I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

Score: 10

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

Score: 1

What did the scientist say after he spliced his DNA with a cat? "You must be kitten me."

Score: 1

Two scientists walk into a bar... The first scientist orders H2O
The second scientist H2O too
The second one dies.

Score: 6

Why dont you take Pb&J from a Scientist? You'll get lead poisoning!

Score: 3

What's a scientist's favorite type of dog? A lab.

Score: 9

Ever hear the one about the scientist who was caught with his pants down? He won the "no-belt" prize.

Score: 2

Did hear about the hipster that became a rocket scientist? He only wanted to work on retrorockets.

Score: 1

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

Score: 2

What does a climate change scientist and a statistician dance to? Al Gore-Rhythms

Score: 1

Would you like to take a survey? Would you like to take part in a survey regarding your opinion on climate change?
✓ Yes □ No

Are you a scientist?
□ Yes ✓ No

End of survey.

Score: 1

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his/her door? He/she wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Score: 2

Why did a scientist install a door knocker? coz he wanted to win a no-bell prize!!!!!!!!

Score: 3

Two Scientists Walk Into a Bar The first scientist says "I'll have some H2O"

The second scientist then proceeds to grab a stool from the bar and throw it at his colleague, realising that the first scientist was trying to murder him.

Score: 6

A scientist was being interviewed by the press The press asked him "Can you explain to us about quantum computers?"

He replied "Yes and No at the same time"

Score: 2

Scientist: "Would you mind testing a space suit in a vacuum chamber for me?" Test subject: "Sure thing"

Scientist: "Ok, make sure to press the orange button. No pressure."

Score: 1

What did the frozen scientist say? "It's fine, I'm 0K"

Score: 1

Did you hear about the hippy scientist? He only did organic chemistry

Score: 2

My dyslexic friend met a Geologist today... Even though the scientist talked a lot, my friend said his methods were quite Igneous.

Score: 1