Hilarious Seal Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Seal Jokes

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

Score: 14960

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral

As in

Without an ion

Score: 847

Score: 732

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? An extra electron

Score: 430

How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.

Score: 383

What is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? an electron

Score: 334

How is a walrus like Tupperware? They're both looking for a tight seal.

Score: 324

Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party? He wanted to find a tight seal.

Score: 181

What was the seal's favorite subject in school? ART ART ART!

Score: 172

An Inuit man walks into a pet store... An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."

Score: 167

How does Voldemort seal his mail? With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)

Score: 120

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.

Score: 113

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.

I'll see myself out now

Score: 108

What do a walrus and a ziploc bag have in common? They both like a tight seal.

Score: 86

Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything... Because you're at an all-time low.

(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

Score: 67

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he was looking for a tight seal. ;)

Score: 65

How do you make a Sea Lion? You remove an electron from a Seal!

Score: 60

What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)

Score: 56

What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? Both lookin for a tight seal.

Score: 38

I had to throw out my animal crackers. The package said "do not consume if seal is broken"

Credit to my dad :)

Score: 38

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party He was looking for a tight seal

Score: 35

A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."

Score: 31

What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark? “Do not consume if seal is broken”

Score: 31

Sometimes I feel a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral

as in

Without an ion

Score: 29

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? Because he wanted to find a tight seal.

Score: 27

It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons.

Score: 26

What do you call a dumb seal? An imbeseal

Score: 25

What was the Walrus doing in the Tupperware store? Looking for the tight seal

Score: 23

Why did a seal go to the bar? .... Because he didn't want to go clubbing.

Score: 22

I bought a box of animal crackers yesterday... I was about to open it and the box read "Do not eat if seal is broken".

Well I opened it up and sure enough...

Score: 22

A harp seal walks into a bar Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks "what would you like?" The harp seal replies, "anything but a Canadian club."

Score: 17

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Score: 12

A Baby Seal Walks Into a Bar, Goes up to the bar and the barkeep asks, 'What would you like?'

Baby Seal says, 'Anything but a Canadian Club on the Rocks.'

Score: 10

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark. “Do not consume if seal is broken”

Score: 10

6 years ago today Seal Team Six took out Bin Laden Tonight I am going to celebrate with a drink consisting of two shots and a splash of water.

Score: 8

An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic. Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".

Score: 7

What do a piece of tuperware and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal.

Score: 7

How are a tupperware container and a walrus alike? They both like a tight seal.

Score: 6

You know what a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal

Score: 5

What's the difference between a seal and a sealion? A seal is neutral but a seal ion has a positive or negative charge

Score: 5

New Seal Jokes

I found bottles of 'Walrus oil' during my woodworking class... I asked if they meant Walnut... to which they said: "no, walrus oil gives the best seal!".

Score: 3

An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

Score: 4

I work with developmentally disabled adults and one of my clients asked me to post this one: I will gladly take your downvotes, 'cause this guy is a gem. He comes to me everyday with a new one!

Q: What did the seal say when he swam into a wall?

A: Dam!

Score: 1

A Marine and a SEAL walk into a bar... The Marine gets a beer

The SEAL gets a book deal

Score: 1

We’ve all heard about the dog that walks into a bar But have you heard the one about the baby seal that walks into a club?

Score: 4

What was the real reason the Titanic broke in two as it sunk into the ocean? TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF FLEX SEAL, I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!!!

Score: 4

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ? The seal of approbation.

Score: 4

What is something that a Eskimo and a plumber can both come together on? A nice tight seal

Score: 1

Why did the sea lion buy Tupperware? He wanted to find a tight seal.

Score: 4

What does a seal say about network switches? ARP ARP ARP

Score: 3

What do you get when you give a seal an extra electron? A sealion

Score: 4

Why did the baby seal walk in to the bar? He was avoiding the club.

Score: 5

Baby Seal A baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "what will it be?"

Baby seal says, "anything but Canadian Club."

Score: 3

WHY DID THE WALRUS GO TO THE TUPPERWARE PARTY? to get a tight seal

Score: 2

What did the eskimo say when he found out that his pet seal had been stealing from his fish reserve? "Inuit!"

Score: 2

What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea? A navy seal.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the animal that pulled the girl into the water? It was given the seal of approval.

Score: 3

How did the seal find a date? He went clubbing.

Score: 4

This Inuit fellow takes his snowmobile to the mechanic. He leaves the snowmobile with the mechanic and goes to lunch. When he gets back the mechanic says, "It looks like you blew a seal." The Inuit guy replies, "Naw, that's just a little mayonnaise."

Score: 1

I once found an injured seal, I took him to the local zoo. So I told the zookeper that after he recovered I know a great place they could release him. New Sealand

Score: 1

How do we know there are no women in heaven? Revelation 8:1 says: "And when he openeth the seventh seal, there came silence in the heaven about half-an-hour"

Score: 3

A joke I love to tell to girls: What's grey, loves the water, and lives in Washington D.C. The Presidential Seal

Score: 1

Why is a Seal just a neutral Sea Lion? Because it doesn't have an *ion*

Score: 2

What do you call an unsure sea lion? A maybe seal

Score: 2

What did the seal go to school for? Art art art!

Score: 1

What do you get when you ground a sea lion? A seal.

Score: 1

What'd the Secretary of State say when the oil tanker spilled on the seal reserve? Whale at least it wasn't on porpoise

Score: 1

In a meeting at work today someone said they had purchased a company seal... I asked if it does any tricks.

Score: 2

I always have to throw out my animal crackers. They always have that label: "Do not eat if seal is broken".

Score: 4

A baby seal walks into a club.... ba dum bump - ting....

Score: 3

What do Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton have in common? They blew a seal.

Score: 2

I removed electrons from a seal Got a seal-ion

Score: 1

So I took my car into the mechanic and he said I blew a seal. I said, "well yeah, but how did you know? And what does that have to do with my car?"

Score: 1

I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal.

Score: 2

What do a walrus and a tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal

Score: 2