Hilarious Sign Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Sign Jokes

Score: 3444

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing

Score: 2297

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

Score: 1438

Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."

Score: 1244

What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

Score: 1075

A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

Score: 843

Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign? It was just the two of them.

Score: 781

How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off

Score: 640

I got a hand job yesterday I'm now officially a sign language interpreter

Score: 638

I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.

Score: 614

Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.

Score: 606

What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.

Score: 592

I got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

Score: 517

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in three's? The sign says "no trespassing."

Score: 472

Old Soviet Joke Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?

His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

Score: 452

What's the difference between Muslim and a terrorist? I don't know, I just sign executive orders.

I'll be here all week.

Score: 394

My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically. He was mauled by a giant crab.

Score: 387

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A stoned driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.

Score: 369

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

Score: 350

Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Score: 346

My Wife's star sign is Cancer and it's pretty ironic how she died... She was attacked by a giant crab

Score: 326

What language is the least spoken language in the world ? Sign language

Score: 316

I saw a sign that said falling rocks So I tried it, and it doesn't.

Score: 302

A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.

Score: 277

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland ... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

Score: 277

How can you tell a strip club is not open? The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"

Score: 272

/r/bicycling/ downvoted this joke pretty hard What do bicyclists do when they get to a stop sign?

Apparently nothing.

Score: 271

I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.

Score: 259

I was driving by a sign that said "SLOW - School Zone" when it hit me... A child to be exact.

Score: 253

What are the unspoken rules of sign language? All of them

Score: 242

I tried to sign up to a website yesterday. I put in the password 'beefstew' But it said the password wasn't stroganoff.

Score: 221

Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland. When they see a sign at an intersection.

"Disneyland left" ←

so they went back home.

Score: 217

What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign? "It's ok because there is only two of us."

Score: 214

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in pairs? The sign says no tres-passing

Score: 199

Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of three? Because the sign says "No Trespassing"

Score: 178

I got fired form the zoo. Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Score: 158

I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph... ... That's a grave sign.

(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.)

Score: 143

Why do only 2 Mexicans pass the border at once? Because the sign says no trespassing.

Score: 134

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD" First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

Score: 127

New Sign Jokes

I just learnt sign language! You should learn it too, it's really handy!

Score: 12

Why was the man holding a sign that said "I Hate Gingers" ? Because he was a dyslexic Klansman.

Score: 20

Something told me to stop today It must've been a sign

Score: 45

A passer by sees a man holding a sign saying “punch me for free” Much to the passers surprise he went up and asked the man if there was any takers and the man replied “take a look there is no punch line”.

Score: 22

Two blondes were driving to disneyland. The sign said, "Disneyland Left". So they started crying and went home.

Score: 41

I got called into my boss's office for a bad billboard I created It wasn't a good sign

Score: 38

What’s the least spoken language? Sign language

Score: 8

A plus sign, a multiplication sign , and a minus sign walk into a bar. The bartender serves the multiplication sign first, then he serves the plus sign, and the minus sign from left to right and a bunch of people from Facebook don't know why.

Score: 15

Seen on a sign outside a church Adam and Eve were the first people to not read the Apple conditions

Score: 14

You should learn sign language It's very handy

Score: 8

I found a useful website for people with commitment issues. But I didn't want to sign up.

Score: 90

This homeless woman had a sign that said "Homeless and pregnant" I asked her "Where did you get pregnant?"

Score: 8

This homeless man had a sign that said "one day this could be you" So i put my dollar back in my pocket just in case he wasn't lying

Score: 99

A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." ..... ...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"

Score: 120

My late grandmother's star sign was Cancer, which is ironic... She got killed by a giant crab.

Score: 17

So my family and I go past a nursing home... There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"

Score: 19

A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic. "Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"

The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."

"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"

Score: 12

My grandma's star sign was Cancer so her death was pretty ironic... She was killed by a giant crab.

Score: 16

How do Billboards talk to each other? Sign language.

Score: 8

I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that read "HEAVEN"... ...So I ran him over.

Score: 8

What is your zodiac sign? Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence...

Score: 77

What do you call Chinese Sign Language? Handarin.

Score: 7

Every time I see a street sign that says "Watch for Children" I can't help but wonder if that's a fair trade.

Score: 50

At a substance rehabilitation center, a sign is displayed on the lawn "Keep off of the grass"

Score: 9

What is the sign for a U-turn in Finland? "You are approaching the Russian border."

Score: 37

A guy standing in a bus looked at a girl, she looked back Then he smiled... She smiled back

He winked... She winked back

He gave her a sign to leave on the next stop

She got up and exited the bus. He took her seat.

Score: 39

Wanna see how dead you are? Put a % sign after your age.

Score: 9

And now, two guys bonding over their star sign as well as a short summary of The Fault in out Stars "Cancer?"

"Cancer."

Score: 7

If I was a pro-life picketer My sign would say "You Can't De-Fetus!"

Score: 19

What did the sign say at the nude beach during off season? Sorry, were clothed.

Score: 34

My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died... ...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀

Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it

Edit: Jimmy Carr / Bo Burnham

Score: 8

The people at my new job must be pretty fit... They asked me if I wanted to sign up for their 401k, i can barely even run a 5k.

Score: 7

A mathematician is paying for his groceries... A mathmatician is paying for his groceries and the cashier asks for him to write his signature. He draws a single wave on the pad. When he sees the cashiers' confused look he says, "What? it says 'sign here'."

Score: 13

A guy goes to a whorehouse, only to see it's closed. The sign on the front door said "Beat it! We're closed!"

Score: 15

I was driving when something told me I was going the wrong way... I think it was a sign.

Score: 23

I saw a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center. It said keep off the grass.

Score: 7

A sign at the fertility clinic. Please wait to be seeded.

Score: 13

I saw a sign that says 'Falling rocks'... ... so I tried. Apparently it doesn't.

Score: 23

What does the sign on an out of buisness brothel say? Beat it. We're closed

Score: 97

Yes Sir, Officer. I saw the stop sign. I just didn't see you.

Score: 35

"Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..." "THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"

"April Fools....sign here."

Score: 47

I saw a sign that said disabled toilet No one will help me find the button to enable it.

Score: 43

In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks. They call them danke memes.

Score: 96

How do you get 500 cows into a barn? Put a bingo sign on it.

Score: 107

Saw an interesting sign at my school today that read: "Fight Apathy!" I didn't care enough to read it.

Score: 12

I learned sign language It's very handy!

Score: 16

When I went to pay for my items in a spiritualist shop I noticed a sign saying 'Queue on the other side'. So I killed myself.

Score: 26

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland... Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were close to the destination they saw a sign: “Disneyland Left”. They stopped, started to cry and finally turned around and drove back home.

Score: 13

A student walks into class late... Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Student: "While I was coming, I saw a sign that said **School ahead. Slow down.**"

Score: 8

How do billboards communicate? Sign language

Score: 11

Im so glad I learned sign language its pretty handy

Score: 10

Hey, what's a good sign that you're going insane? I'm asking for an imaginary friend.

Score: 20

Which traffic sign allows you to make a U-turn on a highway in the US? Welcome to Louisiana

Score: 7

Whats the worst thing about the new Assassin's Creed movie? You have to sign in to U-play to watch it.

Score: 25

I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.

Score: 7

They say if a girl laughs a lot at your jokes it's a sign that she's into you Turns out I'm just really funny

Score: 15

Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience.

Score: 20

A Blonde on her way to Disneyland... ...saw a sign that said "Disneyland, Left", so she turned around and went home.

Score: 40

My friend's star sign was cancer, so I guess it's quite ironic how he died. He got attacked by a giant crab.

Score: 35

Saw a sign that said "Join a 5k run! Fight childhood obesity!" Shouldn't the kids just run it themselves?

Score: 19