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Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Funniest Stalin Jokes
Stalin should have known that Communism wouldn't work. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
Old soviet joke.
Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan.
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first? A black guy
Why are Russian automobiles the most unreliable? They're always Stalin
Why didn't anyone drive stick in Soviet Russia? They were afraid of Stalin.
Why was everyone in the Soviet Union so good at driving manual? Because they were afraid of Stalin.
Her: Come over, Joseph!
Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to gulag
Her: My parents aren't at home
Stalin: I know
Stalin should’ve known communism was a bad thing There were red flags everywhere
Mao Zedong, Stalin, Hitler, and Ellen Pao walk into a bar... (user was banned for this post)
Russia's Three Steps to Homework
Step 1. Putin it off
Step 2. Stalin
Step 3. Russian to finish
Did you know that Stalin had a girlfriend that cheated on him? You know what, don't worry about it. She's out of the picture now anyway.
Why does Stalin only write in lower case? Because he hates capitalism
Why did the soviet plane crash? It was stalin
What do you call a Russian that is procrastinating You call him Stalin
Why could nobody in the Soviet Union drive a car? They kept Stalin.
Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes.... ..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"
Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union? They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
Why's the leader of Russia always late? Is trick question. If Comerad Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.
Joseph Stalin should have known Communism wouldn't work.
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I mean seriously,there were red flags everywhere.
So Hitler asked Stalin to tell him a joke
Stalin: Moscow
Hitler: I don't get it
Stalin: Exactly
I have a Stalin joke. You just gotta wait.
Did you hear about the procrastinating dictator? He was stalin.
Bought a Russian car... The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"
Why are Russians such bad pilots?
Because they're always Stalin.
Thank you, good night.
The Cold War was so anticlimactic... I mean, most of it was just Stalin.
Stalin and Hitler
Stalin: Hey Hitler, Wanna Hear a Joke?
Hitler: Sure Broh
Stalin: Stalingrad
Hitler: I Don't Get It
Stalin: Exactly
Hitler and Stalin are telling jokes to each other
"Moscow" says Stalin;
"I don't get it" answers Hitler;
"Excactly - says Stalin - you'll never get it".
Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting? Because the Russian President was Stalin.
Stalin is giving a speech.
And someone sneezes.
Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: First row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
No answer.
Stalin: Second row outside.
*Gunshots*
Stalin: Who sneezed?
Attendee, crying: "I SNEEZED!"
Stalin: Bless you!
Why does Putin always take the bus to work? His car is always Stalin
What country had a history of procrastination? Russia. At one point, they were all for Stalin.
Stalin would do well in my math class: He's got a lot of practice solving by elimination.
In Soviet Union we had old joke about Stalin But you would die laughing if you heard it
Why did World War II last so long? Because the USSR kept Stalin.
Post-WW2 Soviet joke
\- Who is your mother?
\- Our great Soviet state!
\- Who is your father?
\- Our dear comrade Stalin!
\- What's your dream?
\- Becoming an orphan!
Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism? The Leader was Stalin
Why did Stalin go to Bed Bath & Beyond? He needed an iron curtain
Why didn't the Soviet Union join WW2 until 1941? They were using Stalin-tactics
Lenin, on his death bed, said to Stalin: How will you rule if so many do not wish to follow you? Stalin calmly smiled at him: Don't worry, those who won't follow me, I'll make them follow you